"Couple Brought Together By Mutual Desperation"

I laughed so hard I peed a little bit, but how funny I found this in no way reflects on my relationship with my hot and socially savvy husband. I hope you love it as much as I did, and hopefully know a few people it reminds you of. bwahahaha.

Explainer syndrome at its finest

Explain: to make plain or clear.

condescending: arrogant, patronizing

rage: agitation, conniption fit, rampage, spasm, outburst, tantrum or hemorrhage (thank you thesaurus.com...)

Years ago, a male friend mentioned something about fettucine, then paused to let me know that "those are the big noodles."

In November, a classmate of mine was complaining that Provo doesn't have NPR available; I gave him a confused look because I had listened to it on the drive to school that morning. But no, he assumed my look was not, "What? It is too!" but instead a look of "no comprende" so immediately said "NPR. It's a radio station, and it stands for National Public Radio, and they talk about current events a lot."

As a missionary, sometimes we’d tract into somebody who would start telling us what we believe, such as “You know, if you ever flat out ask a Mormon, they’ll tell you, they don’t even believe in the New Testament!” or if we would mention the First Vision, they’d interrupt and say “No, no, I’ve lived in Palmyra my whole life, and it didn’t happen in trees, it happened in a cave, and he was an old man.” OH. Great point. Hang on, I have to go tell the last 2,000 people I’ve spoken with that I was wrong. Can I use your phone? Let me call my mom and tell her we’ve all been mixed up for 25 years. And while I'm at it, hold a sec, I have to email 12 million members and let them know that whole martyr thing was a mix-up. SO glad I met you and seriously, thanks for filling me in. Seriously.

Sigh.

I bet you experience this stuff a lot too...(often from men to women, but not exclusively). Talk about a surefire way to get rage (or hemorrhage).

I'm beginning to realizer that it really doesn't matter if the explainer syndrome involves something obvious (NPR and fettucine) or if it involves something you know that they think they do (Joseph Smith in a cave). Either way, it drives me NUTS (as in crazy, not as in American slang for testicles) because it makes me feel like they are assuming we don’t know our heads from our butts and I want to look shocked and confused and yell something like “Wait, I should've been using toothpaste all these years?” or “OH! WOW! You’re saying afternoon means AFTER NOON!?”

All this stems from the fact that I am in the middle of a writing lecture that is explainer syndrome times ten million and it is filling me with fury. Tips given include:

prepare.
always be accurate.
write clearly.
follow the rules.
get right to the point.
proofread.

Thank you for your insight, sir. Those are all really deep, concrete points that were definitely worth 50 minutes of my life. We have been in school 17-20 years and didn't realize we should proofread. I especially love "write clearly." Freak. That's like telling piano students to use their hands or football players to catch the ball or a constipated person to just poop it out: obvious, lame and unhelpful.

Am I alone in my fury??

I want a book club like this one

Today I sliced my finger open, and it was hurting, and that was hard. It throbbed. But suddenly, when I saw this, the pain melted away and was replaced by utter joy. Warning: there is a surprise f-bomb or two in it, so don't be alarmed, and everything else is exactly how a book club should be. Books! Books! Books! Books!

Holiday! Celebrate!

It is only 10:30, and already, many signs it will be a great day, nay, a great week:

• On the way to school, I heard both James Taylor AND Ace of Base on the radio.
• I couldn't find a parking spot in the graduate lot, so ducked into visitor parking and used snow to cover my parking sticker so no one will know I am a student.
• I remembered to bring my lunch.
• My nails are finally loosening up, so hopefully they will be banished from my life shortly.
• I finally overheard a classmate refer to our Jewish Greek and Roman Law class as "Jewish Greek and Roman Barf," something I've been hoping would catch on for 2 weeks now.

hoobidy what-ie?

So, in my efforts to better understand the structures of the constitution (and when I say "understand" i mean "not make a fool of myself in the class so do the reading"), I just read many a page about "countermajoritarianism."

Say it with me: Countermajoritarianism.

I just want to say to blogland and therefore the world: if you are a word with more than 20 letters, I don't want you in my life. So countermajoritarianism, at 22, is simply not welcome. Goodbye.
Sternocleidomastoid (noun, meaning a thick muscle on each side of the neck, the action of which assists in bending the head and neck forward and sideways) can stay since it only has 19, but that is definitely my limit.