TIMEOUT

So we have a lot to cover, what with giving birth and a new (lovely) addition to the fam and such, but before we get to that, I need your guidance on an unrelated matter. You guys are smart. Don't let me down.

This weekend, as part of a "standards night" I'm doing this workshop for the stake youth (and their parents) on the courage to remain chaste and virtuous.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

Of course, I've prayerfully considered passing out already been chewed gum, or letting everyone handle a rose and when it's dirty, comparing it to one's virginity, or discussing weird old quotes that imply it's better to die than make out in a parked car, yada yada. Turns out that my 27 years of life have left me with about forty awesome ideas of what NOT to do, but significantly fewer ideas about what TO do. I think any object lesson is destined to be blatantly offensive, so that's out, but, any thoughts on what you would have found helpful or meaningful on the topic back in your day? Or what you wish people were telling YOUR 12-year-old at one of these?

STILL. PREGNANT.

Just kidding. I'm not. Wouldn't that be crazy? She's here and she's beautiful. And big. And incredibly cute. More soon.

Tuesday Jan 19 at 7:24 AM
9 lbs 5 oz
21 inches

I'd forgotten how wonderful/terrifying/miraculous the whole process is. Were you praying for us? We felt it.

Thank you.

no, seriously

One thing that's fun about being this pregnant is that when you go places, friendly strangers ask you when you're due, and when you say "Yesterday," they think you're making a joke about how you feel really pregnant, so there's an awkward pause after they laugh when they realize, no, really, you were due yesterday.

This is the only day I can do that, and so far it's pretty awesome.

kid? can you hear us?

PREDICT! THE! DETAILS!

Want to guess the kid's birthday, weight and size? I'll see if I can come up with a prize for the closest guess, most likely free legal advice and/or a nice air mattress to sleep on during your next trip to the Midwest, so, basically, people will covet you.

Thanks for the e-moral support.

Information you may find relevant:

• I'm officially "due," as in 40 weeks, next Thursday (Jan 14).
  
• Our first kid was 8 lbs, 13 oz, 21.5 inches, and 5 days overdue...though in hippie class they say there's no such thing as "overdue" bc a kid's not a library book, she should pick her own birthday, she'll come when she's ready, "turn your birthing over to your body," blahblah. But still, I was pregnant a long time last time. But they say subsequent children come earlier. But "they" also say loooove don't come eeeeeeeeea-sy (tell me you watched the horrible Bachelorette last time) so who knows.
• I've been having contractions (whooooops, I mean "surges") all week.

Whaddayasay?

yapping

A peek into my head:

• On Monday it was so cold I got frozen eye. I've only had that happen a handful of times in my life. You know, when the wet part of your eye freezes for a sec so your eyelid sticks for a minute when you try to blink. It's awesome, and a little freaky.
• It is really, really cold. This isn't so bad considering I don't have to really go anywhere. We're talking the type of cold where if you get in the car and see a positive number on the thermometer you give thanks. Even if it's 1 or 0. AS IN IT IS ZERO DEGREES.
• I realized today how bizarre it is that we use plural with zero. As in "I have zero hats on." Why not singular? "It is zero degree." Oh, English, you magnificent bastard tongue.
• I got husband the book by that name (Our Magnificent Bastard Tongue) last Christmas and I enjoy saying the title whenever possible.
• The other day I interacted with a hilarious mom who, instead of saying a good old-fashioned "no," kept telling her two-year-old to "Make a better choice, please!" in a sing-song voice.
  
• It didn't work.
  
• I also overheard her say "to-mah-to." I love people.
• I'm at the point in pregnancy where you start thinking it's a permanent condition. I know I will not be pregnant forever, that eventually a child will emerge and I will no longer be this pregnant, but I don't feel like that will actually happen. Know what I mean?
• Here are some acceptable things to say to really pregnant women: "You look great!" "How are you feeling? You look like you're feeling fantastic!" "Wow! I can't believe you are [whatever length of time] along!" "I'm rooting for you and can't wait to hear how well everything goes."
• Here are some unacceptable things to say: really anything about how they must be miserable or due any day, or how your sister or cousin had the world's scariest near-death experience when she gave birth. Even if you have never made a truer statement, don't say it. Deal?
• In my recent nesting, I found an old homemade CD that includes "No Woman No Cry" AND "I'll See You When You Get There" AND the Pina Colada song. Isn't that a weird assortment?
  
• Man, I love ginger ale.
  
• Families with naming themes fascinate and confuse me. All M-names, for example, or all B-names or what have you. Why does this happen? Do you think they ever want to call it quits after a couple of kids but can't? Do they commit right out of the gate, with the first kid, or after three or four do they decide it's time to stick with it?
• At first I hated it, but now I miss Mad Men.

let's do it

I'm a resolution girl.

We can still be e-friends if you're not. Many of mine aren't for the internet (not bc they're gross. Just because this isn't that kind of blog. Have you seen any pee sticks or week-by-week belly pictures on here? Exactly...) but here are two of them in an effort to be realistic and aim high:

1. Use only reusable grocery bags the whole year. I do it generally but the goal is for zero plastic ones. ZERO. Impossible? Perhaps.

2. Give birth. Preferably in the next week or two.

Do you believe in me? Let's go, reduce/reuse/recycle! Let's go, uterus! Let's go, 2010!