Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Why everyone I know should go to law school; or, "When Cats Attack!"

Sure, law school's boring. Yes, it can destroy your self esteem. And I'll agree it's expensive, time-consuming, depressing and confusing. Odds are you'll pack on the pounds and begin to feel a lot of rage toward the world. But every now and again, during your awesome summer gig, you'll be researching, and during that research you will run into gems that remind you why what you're doing makes a difference in the world. May I present Exhibit A:

Overview: According to the undisputed facts, the cat had never bitten anyone, nor exhibited any aggressive tendencies prior to this incident. The individual alleged that the cat owners acted negligently in allowing their cat to roam freely and to attack her. The individual did not allege that any particular circumstances existed that should have put the cat owners on notice that their cat would be violent or that they needed to prevent it from coming into contact with the individual. Rather, the individual argued that any contact between a cat and a human being was fraught with danger. Such contacts occurred frequently, were not normally dangerous, and, absent an owner's knowledge of particular facts that would render an injury foreseeable, did not present circumstances for which liability arose. Furthermore, the attack by the cat was unforeseeable, as there were no circumstances that alerted the cat owners to the possibility that their cat would act aggressively. Absent foreseeability, the cat owners owed no duty to restrain their cat under the common law, municipal law, or state law.

Translation: Mean cat posing as nice cat bit a lady's hand. Lady whose hand got hurt thinks the cat's owner is a jerk and should have to pay $40,000 for the infection she got when the bite aggravated her previously medically stable autoimmune disorder. Court says look lady, it's a cat.

How can you hate law school after something like that?

Friday, June 22, 2007

Three Cheers for Public Transportation

This afternoon on the bus:

Sweaty Random, oblivious to the fact that I am reading AND have headphones in: How long have you been married?
Me: Pardon?
SR: How long have you been married?
Me: Six months.
(huge awkward pause where he just smiles and nods at me)...
Me: How long have YOU been married?
SR: Five years. Best five years of my life.
Me: Cool. (big pause where he stares and nods some more) Any kids?
SR: Yeah, four boys and three girls. The oldest one is 19 and plays football at the U and the youngest one will be born in July. They all have A names (he lists the names and says "Alicia" twice).
Me: Wow! 7 kids in 5 years!
SR: Well, they're my step-kids, because they're my wife's kids. I served my mission in Brazil, and we went there on our honeymoon. because my wife's dad is a pilot so we can fly places for free. Next month we're going to Hawaii for our 5 year anniversary.
Me: Hawaii! Awesome. What about the baby?
SR: The baby's coming, too. We're leaving July 13 and the baby is coming July 15. Her uncle is a doctor, so he'll just take care of that while we're there. But our Brazil trip was way fun, and my mission was awesome.
Me: Cool. When were you there?
SR: 1998-2001. I served a 3 year mission because of extensions and transfers and stuff.
Me: So, your wife must be a lot older than you.
SR: No, she's actually younger than me. I'm 28 and she's 26.
Me: (confused pause as I do the math between her 19 year old kid and her age)
SR: She's way taller than me too. I'm only 5'8".
Me: Really? How tall is she?
SR: 6'9".
Me: Whoa! So she can carry you around and stuff?
SR: Yeah, she gives me piggy backs a lot. Her brother's 8 feet tall, playing professional basketball in the Ukraine right now. Our son, who plays football, he's 6'9" too.
Me: Wow. That's huge. He must weigh a lot.
SR: Yeah, he's 175 lbs. He's friends with the coach, so we get really good seats, and the coach said I can sit on the sidelines and even come into the locker room whenever I want. Our son is studying speech pathology. I do construction work, but I'd like to get into something like that.
Me: Cool. What does your wife do?
SR: She actually has a law degree under her belt, so she is looking for stuff like lawyer work right now.
Me: Really? Wow. Where'd she go to law school?
SR: Back east. Harvard. She does criminal law.

Conversation overheard next to us: "Colorado Springs? No way! My high school sweetheart's step-dad's brother was sheriff in the neighboring county!"

Thursday, June 21, 2007

this is awesome

So funny that husband and I just snorted watching it.

Have you seen this, Japanese-style Tetris!?

Totally made me pee.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Speed is my drug of choice

Speed Scrabble, that is! As you may know, if it's a word-related game, the husband and I love it (Maybe bc I wanted to be a librarian when I was five). The moment I realized he could rock me at Boggle was the moment I knew I must never, ever let this man go. Literally. BUT SERIOUSLY READERS, SPEED SCRABBLE IS CHANGING MY LIFE!

Thanks to Charlott and Steve (our two most happily hitched friends), this week has been a whirlwind of Speed Scrabble, culminating in this evening's 5-games-in-a-row sweepstakes. All the tiles go face down, each person grabs 7 of them, then you just make your own little batch of words, all attaching. When you use all 7 of your tiles, you yell "go!" and everyone grabs another one...keep going til all the tiles are gone and the first person uses all of theirs! I LOVE YOU, SPEED SCRABBLE. Of course, as usual, husband won, but I fought a good fight til the bitter end, and we were proud of ourselves for the following:


if that's not a beautiful poem, I don't know what is.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Crazy Love!

Let's say you broke up with a guy and he starts stalking you, showing up everywhere you were, calling you and saying things like "If I can't have you, no one will." Let's say he freaks you out enough that you go to the cops a million times but they don't care. You finally get engaged to another chap, when someone appears at your door with a present for you. You open the door, and a guy your stalkriffic ex hired to throw lye in your face blinds and disfigures you. Stalkriffic goes to jail, you can't see, and when he gets out of jail, YOU MARRY HIM. And years later, he pulls the same stalkriffic stunts with some girl he's cheating on you with, and you TESTIFY ON HIS BEHALF IN COURT, and let's say now he's in his 80s and you're in your 70s and you're still married. Now make a movie about it.

Seriously folks, I'm talking about a case we studied in law school last year and the story behind the documentary we saw last night called "Crazy Love." Piece of advice: if someone tries to kill you, DO NOT MARRY HIM. And if he then cheats, stalks, threatens constantly, DO NOT STAY MARRIED. Just wanted to warn any of you in case you end up in this lady's situation.

Instead, I recommend you marry a nice normal who doesn't hurt you, and likes to eat out.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Grammar Rage Support Group

Hate homonym mix ups? Find yourself giggling over plural words accidentally written as possessive? (Personal favorites include "Your cute," which begs the question, "MY cute? I don't HAVE a cute.") Ever wonder if you're the only person who knows how to fill this sentence in correctly?

"Those two? Oh, ____ parking ___ car over ____."

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Yes, I'll admit, I've been known to accidentally write "to" when I mean "too," or pausing to think about "effect" and "affect," and frankly, I can rarely keep reign and rein straight...and I overuse/misuse ellipses all the time (...) yet here I am, full of rage. Remember: your own word habits don't have to be perfect in order for you to complain about other people!

How about "it's" v. "its." Come on, America! The apostrophe means a contraction. I know that's hard to grasp since we write things like "Gurrbonzo's" and it's possessive, but STILL. And seriously, how about "supposably." What IS that? Supposedly's obnoxious, hairy cousin?

Monday, June 11, 2007

ring! ring!

Dear frumpy woman in court last week,

It's cool you chose to keep your cell phone in your bra, so we could all watch you dig it out when it started ringing.


Saturday, June 09, 2007

Books II

So, last night I read A Thousand Splendid Suns in one sitting because I could not put it down! I highly recommend it if you are looking for a page-turner with some spicy twists. If you hate good books, definitely don't read it. I also recently finished Snowflower and the Secret Fan (thanks for the suggestion, Smithy) which is a heartbreaker, but nonetheless a fascinating and emotional read. I shall now embark upon The Time Traveler's Wife as per Rachel and Ziz's recommendations. Books! Books! Books! Books! As posted earlier, check out exactly how book clubs should be by clicking here. (beware: one surprise f-bomb included in video)

Monday, June 04, 2007

best spam in a while

Got this champion spam and have been laughing about it for 30 minutes:

Good Day,

(Investment Opportunity).

I am Mr. Edward Mohammed Shein, I have the sum of 300,000,000.00 Euros {Three Hundred Million Euros} I want to come and Invest in your country and even in your company possibly or any other business you may be of assistance and advise accordingly.Please kindly reply me immediately if you are interested in this business relationship & keep it confidential for safety & protections.

As sign of seriousness about this very urgent matter please do confirm the following details to me:

{1} Your full name & office or Home address. ?

{2} Your Company name/ Your position in the company. ?

{3} Your Telephone Nos. both Home, Office and Mobile.?

{4} Country/State Origin.?

{5} Your age. ?

{6}. Married or Unmarried ?

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Edward

This is the funniest spam ever, and not just because of awesome trying-to-sound-authentically-foreign portions for "safety and protections" (keep WHAT confidential? the fact that i am about to earn 300 million euros because a man with an awesomely stereotypical rich foreigner name wants to Invest in my company, so I sent him all my personal info including MARRIED OR UNMARRIED? Sooooo credible, so impressive...). "Please reply me" is good, but most importantly, "both Home, office and mobile?"
Both is used with "and" to indicate that each of two things in a coordinated phrase or clause is included.