gurrbonzo: February 2011

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

these three things (of orient are...)

Once I took one of those intensive summer classes, the kind that is 3 hours every day for 6 weeks. A great way to knock out language credit AND a great solution for natural procrastinators--the semester is so short you don't have TIME to get behind! So I had that class every morning from 9-12, and I worked every afternoon at this awful debt consolidation place ("Our philosophy is in our name..." anybody? anybody?) from 1-6, and I had an internship on a local congressional campaign from 6-9. Every day. And it was crazy, but also PERFECT, because I was doing three totally different things with three totally different crowds using three totally different parts of my brain. And it was then I realized the magic of These Three Things.

To feel awesome I need at least three distinct things going on. Just one and it takes over your life; just two and they fight with each other for dominance. Three is the magic number for me.

(Do you remember the old, old video from junior high health class with the catchy tune: "The health of man! Is like an! Equilateral triiiiiii-ANGLE! Completely dependent on the length and strength of each siiiiiiide!"). This is my equilateral triangle of feeling normal!

Anyway, what I'm saying here is that I am inching closer to finding that magic balance again and am loving it. Since I have tiny kids in a time-intensive stage of life, my family is obviously one of my things. And my newish job is another one of those things, and my assignment at church is another. Between the three of those things I feel like I have major time commitments through which I consistently deal with different crowds (the 2-and-under crowd, the college student crowd, the teen girl crowd) and use different parts of my brain (the mom part, the lawyer part, the churchy/mentor part).

So the three things CHANGE pretty consistently but if I have more than three big things or fewer than three big things I go nuts or battle mental/emotional atrophy. Whaddayathink?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

gross and great

Stuff that is gross:

I have the weird (and dumb) habit of putting open soda cans in the fridge. I drink part of one, and it's delicious, and I want to drink it later, but cold. So, sometimes I do things like spill them. Other times, like today, I do things like...take a giant swig out of them and then realize they've been sitting next to the minced garlic for a few days. Don't recommend it.
I am taking a sample GRE so I can teach an upcoming class (random, I know) and it means that I am studying math for the first time since (literally) the 1990s. Bahaha! Remember FOIL? Pythagorean theorem? I am digging deep into the recesses of my brain and clearing COBWEBS out and it is hilarious.
Did I tell you I'm doing this boot camp thing, every damn morning? Well, I am. And it is making me buff. But it also means that I spend about 90 percent of every day terrifyingly sore, and it also means I get up at the buttcrack of dawn, and despite my best efforts, I cannot seem to stop saying "buttcrack of dawn."

Stuff that is great:

I watched the series, yes, SERIES finale of Friday Night Lights recently and I don't get this way about many TV shows but, wow. Dare I say best show ever? I am really going to miss Dillon, Texas. RIP, FNL, RIP.
I weaned my cute baby recently, and though I love her and breastfeeding, this is the first time I've been neither pregnant nor breastfeeding since...wait for it....June 2007. And it rocks.
We went to Wisconsin Dells last weekend, or as our kiddo calls it, "Consindells." Want to know why? Because it's the middle of February in the Midwest, aka, everyone goes batshit crazy unless you spice up your life somehow. And you know, sometimes a mini-road trip is all you got. So we hit the road and were AMAZED at the monstrosity of the incredible/tacky/amazing indoor wonder that is the "Waterpark Capital of the World." Have you been on a super big, super scary waterslide in the last decade or two? Because trust me, it's time.
I helped teach a little preschool class of 2 and 3-year-olds the same day I helped coach this running thing for 9- and 10-year-old girls. Guess what? Dealing with groups of kids in those age brackets? NOT. THAT. DIFFERENT.

Annnnnd, that'll do.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

selfish insight of the day

I just realized that how much I like someone is pretty much always directly correlated to how much they like me.

Is this true for you?

Quotable Quotes, or, tidbits from me life.

My professor, about people having their babies at home: Home delivery is for pizza.

Me, about Prof: I LIKE his wavelength; I'm just not on it.

Student: I don't think so.
(long pause).
Prof: No, you DO think so.

"I wish I had the opportunity to HAVE a sexual quality of life." -- student responding to survey

"I should cut up my credit cards.
(long pause)
Of course, then I would starve." -- Student

"Are you getting a manicure in my courtroom? What the hell are you doing?" Judge/Prof, to student clipping nails

"He covered everything but his 1990 colonoscopy. Good example of a bad speech. Everyone wants to go home, so unless you're awfully funny, keep it brief." -- Prof

"I'm not opposed to playing games. If you want to play solitaire, bring a deck of cards." -- Prof

"If you want to spend time with your young children, you have to do it when they're young." -- Chief Justice Roberts

Student: That doesn't jive very well with the second article of faith, punishing people for their parents' transgressions.
Prof: Yes, oh holy one.

"For expert witnesses, there are 2 requirements: must have gray hair, and must have hemorrhoids to convey the proper level of concern." -- Prof

"I represented a prostitute, and some of her activities were highly aerobic." -- Prof

"I lock my car. Do you know why? Because I have contraband." - - Prof

"You can either finish law school and write patents at home 1 hour a day, while your little one scribbles on the walls with permanent marker, or you can strap your baby to your back and wash floors with a dirty mop in the early morning and late evening. You decide." --Friend, telling me not to quit

"The children of lawyers who don't read footnotes will STARVE." -- Prof

"You know what’s great about a new day? It’s a new day, full of new opportunities for rejection. I mean, WHO KNOWS who might reject me today?” -- Student, about the job hunt.

"Every time I read an opinion by Justice Breyer, I think of ice cream, and then I want some." -- Student

"I don't want a job. I want a life plan. I need direction!" -- Student.

"They met at a Communist party get together. Not exactly the wardhouse, but still pretty romantic." -- Prof

"He thought he might be the father, because they had sort of an intimate relationship...well, not sort of." -- Prof

"The federal government appreciates love. They understand it." -- Prof

"You never tell your clients to lie. That's unethical. You say, 'Well, here is a potential, credible story that we hope is true.'" -- Prof

"When you get caught speeding, don't say 'I'm sorry.' Say, 'IF I was speeding, I am sorry.' ADMIT NOTHING." -- Prof

"It's true. You can google it on the Internet." -- Prof

"Let me give you a hypothetical. Jesus goes to law school, graduates, what does He do? Criminal prosecution or defense? That's right, he's defending these monsters. He's a defense attorney. That's my gospel insight for the day." -- Prof.

"This is my job. I'm just trying to do my job, and you're giving me a hard time. I don't give you a hard time with your job. I just order my burger and fries." -- Prof to smart alecky student

"It's just one more way he's found to shame me."
--Student, about Prof

"In a couple of days, you're going to wish this distinction didn't exist." --Prof

"I can't concentrate when it's snowing, dammit."
--Student, when asked a question in class

Prof: "And what did the court say about that?"
Student: "They didn't mention it."
(awkward pause)
Prof: "Actually, it's italicized. Hahaha!"

"Punitive damages are un-freaking-predictable, but it's the consumer's way of saying 'corporate America, you can't screw me over.'" -- Prof

"I'd like to reward attendance and good preparation, but it's a crapshoot, after all." --Prof, explaining grading policy

"I don't know if any of you have neighbors with vicious boars, but if you do, you should probably move." --Prof

Student A: The thing speaks for itself, don't you think?
Student B: Then I want to know what the hell it's saying.

Student: I would think so.
Prof: You would THINK so???
(awkward pause)
Student: But I would obviously be wrong.

"My wife tells me it's harder to actually give birth than to encourage someone to give birth." -- Prof

Student: I give up.
Prof: Actually, only I get to decide when you give up.

"I think most people who work for the government are lazy, because I've been to the post office." -- Student

"I made the mistake of going out to lunch. I've seen the sun. I've tasted freedom." -- Student

"Imaginable in a common sense sort of way, not imaginable in a science fiction sort of way." -- Prof

Prof: Ready? You've had 19 minutes to think about this.
Student: I know. I advanced a level on Warcraft.

"I know you hate me, because I made you read pages we didn't get to. I hate me too." -- Prof

"Don't go there. We have a chart on that that's gonna give you a rash." -- Prof

Prof: Passover is coming! Have you been thinking about it?
Student: No, Ive been busy preparing food for it all week.
Prof: Your excuse fails, because the law requires the lamb to be boiled not roasted, so it must be done quickly. Your excuse fails like the little boy who lost his CTR ring."

Student: Can you clarify consequential and incidental damages in this case? It's a little fuzzy.
Prof: Let's just not.

Prof: Now, I want to go back to this student, because he's the one that said thou shalt not kill.
Student: Well, God said that, I quoted it.

"An accumulation of bad choices will make you into a bad lawyer and therefore a bad person." -- Prof