Monday, June 16, 2008

A few things I've learned this week

1. In an effort to find a kitchen item you got as a wedding present and have yet to utilize, you may have to venture into the Closet of Doom, so named because it is scary and DOOMLIKE, impossibly full and everything inside it is perched precariously on top of everything else. In digging through the Closet of Doom, you will discover the item you're looking for beneath Clue, a cooler, a camping chair, and a huge box of Sweet & Salty Nature Valley granola bars purchased many months ago which you will begin eating immediately, and you may also stumble upon a Hillary Clinton Boogie Diva doll.

2. If you aren't a crafty person, make peace with that, because venturing into the unknown world of craft two days before Father's Day in an effort to make your hub something awesomely creative will probably result in an embarrassing disaster and 3 separate trips to the crafty store where the women working there will laugh at you for not knowing what the hell "decoupage" is.

3. If your baby happens to poop all over your skirt at church, you can try to act natural, but orange on white is not camouflage.

4. If you feel ambitious and bust through some recipe books looking for the easiest things you can find, and then you decide to use a crockpot for the first time in your life, it will probably remind you of a time right before you got married when a friend said, "Remember, boys are like microwaves and girls are like crockpots," and then you will be grossed out.

8 comments:

Erin said...

wow, sounds like some father's day. poop, crock pots, crafts ... i'm intrigued. i've used ours twice (and only began to very recently). it makes me feel really matronly.

todd made me a craft for mother's day (an apron with joseph's handprints on it). he even had to go to michaels and roberts. i got him a grill for father's day. which todd had to get out of the car for me since i couldn't, and which todd will have to assemble.

Lisa R.D. said...

This post made me laugh so hard. I love your writing ability--it's just as if you are sitting here telling all of these gems of wisdom. And come on Gurr, the craft store three times in one week AND a crock pot recipe??? What the hell is happening to you?

Kierst said...

You crack me up! Good luck with the rest of your summer endeavors- hopefully they will not be filled with decoupage and multiple trips to any one store in one day....

Kiersten said...

Wait, Gurrbonzo, what do you mean boys are like microwaves and girls are like crockpots?

(Blinks innocently at you.)

Kimberly said...

I'll never look at my crockpot the same again. (And a friend told you that? It sounds like "Grandma" sdvice to me!)

Andrea said...

Gurr- I can't believe you found my blog. You probably died at the Bush comment. He just seems like a nice guy... As for Lost I should go for it- gotta talk the husband into it first. I laughed hard at your skirt being pooped on. Thats one way to mix up Sacrament Meeting.

Mar said...

Next time she poops on your white skirt: dab some of it all over before wiping it off. That way your skirt will be white with orange polka dots. Then act natural.

Nikki said...

lol I can tell which of your commenters have children and which don't.

Love your thoughts-- as usual. When your little one gets bigger, I would suggest not wearing black either. Without fail, if I wear black, something ends up on it looking like snot. Banana from a toddlers mouth on black looks like snot. Vanilla yogurt blobs look like snot. Snot looks like snot. Khaki is a safe bet for a few years. hehe

I only recently received the crockpot/microwave comment from someone. Actually someone told Danny and he told me-- probably just about a year ago.

And so you're not feeling so bad about Father's Day, I don't think I've ever decoupaged anything-- but I think I can pronounce it right. This Father's Day, we were mid-move and I was sick and didn't wrap up any presents. His main gift was a new sleeping bag, I threw it under the quilt on our bed and said, "Happy Father's Day! Unwrap your gift!" I'm pretty sure somewhere in the mess of our house are the other three gifts-- grill brush, basting brush, peppercorn blend. I forget how much he loves chocolate. I should've just got a box of candy.

As for crockpot cooking, I didn't even venture down that road in the first five or six years of marriage.