gurrbonzo: blahblah

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

blahblah

So I am taking this ridiculous but funny "intensive" course at a law school that is not my own, and it goes all day everyday for a week...seriously...8-5...HURL. It's interesting even though it involves a lot of Steven R. Covey-esque barftastic phrases like "Money now is better than money later," the profs swear a lot which I appreciate, and for a split second yesterday I actually understood why someone would want an MBA bc the professors make business stuff sound interesting. One of the them said, "Is this more fun than BYU? Wait til we bring out the keg on Friday!" which made me pee. But I'm having baby withdrawals BIG TIME bc I haven't been away from her all day before. And it sucks. And I call every 2 hours to see if she's okay, and of course SHE'S okay, but I'M not okay...who knew reproducing made you so gushy? Man, she is the best. Even when she poops on my skirt at church--AGAIN--in the middle of a musical number and it's so messy and noisy that the lady in front of us turns around and says "I bet SHE feels better! Hrmph!", she is the best.

There was a time in my life I thought I'd never blog about about baby feces, and that time is over.

7 comments:

Stephanie said...: i have no patience for intensive courses. (9-7). or steven covey.

my patience for infants is increasing though.; 7:25 AM
WonderKitty said...: Maybe you should start wearing a clear plastic skirt, over your regular church skirt, that way when you get baby feces on your skirt, it will just wipe off! With baby wipes!; 8:24 AM
Fun Fantastic Family said...: I knew you would jump on the poo wagon one of these days. Just wait till you start to feed her cereal, then you'll see a magic show.

UofU Law Rules!; 8:38 AM
Valerie said...: Have you noticed that it's much easier to pee when not called for now that you've had a baby?

I can no longer run, jump on a trampoline, or laugh too hard because I have had three.

Stupid Kegels that didn't work.; 11:22 AM
Erin said...: if i were in the middle of an intensive law class, i'd definitely be inclined to start blogging about baby feces, and maybe even my own.; 12:09 PM
KT said...: Are you kidding me? I can't WAIT to blog about baby feces!; 9:58 AM
La Yen said...: Encourage the pooping during musical numbers. Then you NEVER HAVE TO SIT THROUGH MUSICAL NUMBERS. Maybe you can train a Pavlovian response to "In the Hollow of Thy Hand."; 5:30 PM

Quotable Quotes, or, tidbits from me life.

My professor, about people having their babies at home: Home delivery is for pizza.

Me, about Prof: I LIKE his wavelength; I'm just not on it.

Student: I don't think so.
(long pause).
Prof: No, you DO think so.

"I wish I had the opportunity to HAVE a sexual quality of life." -- student responding to survey

"I should cut up my credit cards.
(long pause)
Of course, then I would starve." -- Student

"Are you getting a manicure in my courtroom? What the hell are you doing?" Judge/Prof, to student clipping nails

"He covered everything but his 1990 colonoscopy. Good example of a bad speech. Everyone wants to go home, so unless you're awfully funny, keep it brief." -- Prof

"I'm not opposed to playing games. If you want to play solitaire, bring a deck of cards." -- Prof

"If you want to spend time with your young children, you have to do it when they're young." -- Chief Justice Roberts

Student: That doesn't jive very well with the second article of faith, punishing people for their parents' transgressions.
Prof: Yes, oh holy one.

"For expert witnesses, there are 2 requirements: must have gray hair, and must have hemorrhoids to convey the proper level of concern." -- Prof

"I represented a prostitute, and some of her activities were highly aerobic." -- Prof

"I lock my car. Do you know why? Because I have contraband." - - Prof

"You can either finish law school and write patents at home 1 hour a day, while your little one scribbles on the walls with permanent marker, or you can strap your baby to your back and wash floors with a dirty mop in the early morning and late evening. You decide." --Friend, telling me not to quit

"The children of lawyers who don't read footnotes will STARVE." -- Prof

"You know what’s great about a new day? It’s a new day, full of new opportunities for rejection. I mean, WHO KNOWS who might reject me today?” -- Student, about the job hunt.

"Every time I read an opinion by Justice Breyer, I think of ice cream, and then I want some." -- Student

"I don't want a job. I want a life plan. I need direction!" -- Student.

"They met at a Communist party get together. Not exactly the wardhouse, but still pretty romantic." -- Prof

"He thought he might be the father, because they had sort of an intimate relationship...well, not sort of." -- Prof

"The federal government appreciates love. They understand it." -- Prof

"You never tell your clients to lie. That's unethical. You say, 'Well, here is a potential, credible story that we hope is true.'" -- Prof

"When you get caught speeding, don't say 'I'm sorry.' Say, 'IF I was speeding, I am sorry.' ADMIT NOTHING." -- Prof

"It's true. You can google it on the Internet." -- Prof

"Let me give you a hypothetical. Jesus goes to law school, graduates, what does He do? Criminal prosecution or defense? That's right, he's defending these monsters. He's a defense attorney. That's my gospel insight for the day." -- Prof.

"This is my job. I'm just trying to do my job, and you're giving me a hard time. I don't give you a hard time with your job. I just order my burger and fries." -- Prof to smart alecky student

"It's just one more way he's found to shame me."
--Student, about Prof

"In a couple of days, you're going to wish this distinction didn't exist." --Prof

"I can't concentrate when it's snowing, dammit."
--Student, when asked a question in class

Prof: "And what did the court say about that?"
Student: "They didn't mention it."
(awkward pause)
Prof: "Actually, it's italicized. Hahaha!"

"Punitive damages are un-freaking-predictable, but it's the consumer's way of saying 'corporate America, you can't screw me over.'" -- Prof

"I'd like to reward attendance and good preparation, but it's a crapshoot, after all." --Prof, explaining grading policy

"I don't know if any of you have neighbors with vicious boars, but if you do, you should probably move." --Prof

Student A: The thing speaks for itself, don't you think?
Student B: Then I want to know what the hell it's saying.

Student: I would think so.
Prof: You would THINK so???
(awkward pause)
Student: But I would obviously be wrong.

"My wife tells me it's harder to actually give birth than to encourage someone to give birth." -- Prof

Student: I give up.
Prof: Actually, only I get to decide when you give up.

"I think most people who work for the government are lazy, because I've been to the post office." -- Student

"I made the mistake of going out to lunch. I've seen the sun. I've tasted freedom." -- Student

"Imaginable in a common sense sort of way, not imaginable in a science fiction sort of way." -- Prof

Prof: Ready? You've had 19 minutes to think about this.
Student: I know. I advanced a level on Warcraft.

"I know you hate me, because I made you read pages we didn't get to. I hate me too." -- Prof

"Don't go there. We have a chart on that that's gonna give you a rash." -- Prof

Prof: Passover is coming! Have you been thinking about it?
Student: No, Ive been busy preparing food for it all week.
Prof: Your excuse fails, because the law requires the lamb to be boiled not roasted, so it must be done quickly. Your excuse fails like the little boy who lost his CTR ring."

Student: Can you clarify consequential and incidental damages in this case? It's a little fuzzy.
Prof: Let's just not.

Prof: Now, I want to go back to this student, because he's the one that said thou shalt not kill.
Student: Well, God said that, I quoted it.

"An accumulation of bad choices will make you into a bad lawyer and therefore a bad person." -- Prof