Tuesday, November 18, 2008

generally...

I'm a pretty easy going person, but just as a warning, if you:

-send me condescending lecture emails
-ask me to do something you can obviously do for yourself just as easily
-scoop my kid up without asking, especially if we hardly know each other
-explain anything obvious to me, e.g., "The bar--that's the exam you take to become a lawyer--is..." or "In Brazil, they speak Portuguese..."
-make fun of my mission
-refuse to my eye contact with me and instead talk to the only other person in the room as though I'm not there
-treat me like I'm twelve
-think that reading Time and People means you're "up on current events"
-act like my cute baby's cooing is an intolerable pain in your butt
-mock me for going to law school THEN ask me for legal advice not two seconds later AND use the term "supposably"
-choose the only day I'm in an uber-hurry to BOOT MY CAR in the very lot I've been parking in the last 2.5 years, and when I call the number listed, tell me I have to walk across campus to talk to an overweight cop even though it's 2008 and there's no reason you can't just transfer me to him.
-in giving directions to said parking office, if I tell you that I never leave the law school on principle so I don't know where anything is across the street, yet you insist on speaking in nonsensical code, e.g., "It's by the swicket" (despite the fact that I keep saying I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS) or or "over by the Helaman Smith Cannon Don Carlos Memorial Tower" or "just north, and then west up a ramp by the square building" (THEY'RE ALL SQUARE).
-treat me like I'm a moron in any way,

I will squish you like a bug.
(insert evil laugh)

15 comments:

Chelsea and Spencer said...

You tell 'em! Did you find the stupid building? It took me a good part of a morning to find it when I needed it. They just don't seem to understand that going "across the street" is an issue. Anyway, hope all is well now.

The Boob Nazi said...

Amen. I hate hate hate people who treat you like you're an idiot. I can't even continue what I really want to say for this comment because it gets me so riled up.

Ashley is Blogalicious! said...

oh...sorry about the bad day, and here,here on the whole BYU buildings thing. I only know where the WILK, JKB and JFSB are. SWIKIT?!? You gotta be kidding me.

Stephanie said...

let's bomb byu.

after we evacuate all the citizens, of course.

La Yen said...

When I was at the BYU I had a friend who beat up a boot guy (his car was IDLING during said booting.) A crowd of at least twelve people stood and watched. Cheering.

(But not doing any rehearsed cheers. Because cheering can also mean that you are rooting on someone, not just Cheerleading. Irregardlessly, he was our hero.)

Anonymous said...

Oh, so you got my e-mail.

*squish*

Jennifer said...

Squish them like bugs! Squish them like bugs! And then laugh maniacally while the Disney tunes play on in the background...

zacharoo said...

BYU is a bitch. I should know. I actually went to classes in the WILK, SWKT, and the SHIBIMOFO.

Andrea said...

Man that was funny. I seriously laughed and thanks for not going beyond the law school there. I'm nervous for Saturday cause we're going to the BCS bowl and I really need to get outta Utah. Go Utes.

KT said...

So...did this all happen in one day? Because, if so I'll send you an ice cream.

KatieM said...

Um, just out of curiosity, what inspired this list?

.. Because I COULDN'T AGREE with you more.

.. and what kind of a bug are you referring to? Potato? Lady? Just curious.

Jen Ha said...

Can I add another pet peeve to your list? I hate it when people shake your hand and don't make eye contact with you. If you're not really that interested in greeting me, then don't waste me time!! ARG! It's so insincere and disrespectful. Whew! Thanks for letting me grip, Gurr.

So said...

I thought the Bar was something that was raised for the missionaries. *shrug*

I hope you squished 'em good.

stillclueless said...

Okay, okay. So I'll try really hard not to be condescending. It's hard for me...

ebv said...

As soon as I began reading this post, I thought "Man, was I the one who...."

I'll look out for the giant shoe... ;)