gurrbonzo: both are barfy, obviously

Monday, February 16, 2009

both are barfy, obviously

I hate these both enough that I'm a bit stuck in choosing which one to detest most. Input please.

Which one is worse:

1. Over-enthusiastic business-speak, a la "If we synergize, delegate and compare strengths and weaknesses, then execute a thoroughly composed business plan with a trajectory of success through saw-sharpening, cutting excess while showing we're self-starters with a lot of initiative, willing to take risks with a philosophy of economic independence and resourcefulness..."

OR

2. Reality TV dating speak, a la "I put myself out there and wore my heart on my sleeve and made myself vulnerable, and you've just gotta BE there a hundred percent, be ready for that, ready to live your life together and be with the one you love forever and take those risks, and fall, and fall hard, and put yourself out there in spite of it all, just living in the moment."

What if you had to pick one to hear on repeat for a week straight?

Just wondering.

12 comments:

Jules AF said...: business because i could drown it out more easily; 10:22 PM
La Yen said...: Number One. Because if I listened for long enough, with a rapt expression, then maybe I would get lunch boughten for me. I would be afraid that if I got too close to number two I would get crabs.; 11:28 PM
ebv said...: The first one. Useless, meaningless, and oft-misunderstood buzzwords make me want to rip arms off.

Cliche'd date speak just makes me want to vomit.

I'll take nausea over irrational acts of irrevocable and probably fatal violence any day.; 12:26 AM
Carina said...: I work with Chris. Guess what I get to hear all week?; 2:23 AM
Anonymous said...: I think if I heard the date-speak for more than 30-minutes I would saw my own ears off with a spork.

Ditto on the business-speak (see: last sales conference)

xox; 9:10 AM
WonderKitty said...: If I had to pick, I would choose to hear the business speak. I hate relationship talk. Get over yourself!; 9:36 AM
Just SO said...: Probably the second one. Just because I'm all about bad reality tv more than I'm all about over-enthusiastic business speak.; 7:38 PM
Jennifer said...: Hmmm...aren't the both the same? Reality TV is big business...; 8:35 PM
Ashley said...: Well...I do love trashy tv.; 11:17 PM
Mrs. Clark said...: Hey, you've presented an impossible conundrum, much like the one in Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm (or Anne of Green Gables, I can't remember which): Would you prefer to be stunningly beautiful, fabulously rich, or brilliantly clever?

Since I want to use a shotgun on the TV tube when I see those airheads on dating shows, I guess I throw in with the self-important business BSers.; 8:09 AM
J McO (change later) said...: You nailed both of those perfectly. I think I'd actually rather hear the relationship garbage, though, than the 7-Habits-For-Highly-Effective-Androids/chairman-of-the-bored drivel.; 11:55 PM
Mariko said...: #1.
I've got choice #3. NCLB talk. "If you don't have your state mandated standard in student-friendly language complete with objective and 'I can' directive, how will we ever meet our standardized quarterly benchmark test AYP goals? The SCCC is now requiring the 80/20 scaffold to be implemented throughout your pacing guide plans as pertaining to your data-driven SMART goals."
The DOE loves acronyms more than a hamster in a roller coaster.; 1:41 AM

Quotable Quotes, or, tidbits from me life.

My professor, about people having their babies at home: Home delivery is for pizza.

Me, about Prof: I LIKE his wavelength; I'm just not on it.

Student: I don't think so.
(long pause).
Prof: No, you DO think so.

"I wish I had the opportunity to HAVE a sexual quality of life." -- student responding to survey

"I should cut up my credit cards.
(long pause)
Of course, then I would starve." -- Student

"Are you getting a manicure in my courtroom? What the hell are you doing?" Judge/Prof, to student clipping nails

"He covered everything but his 1990 colonoscopy. Good example of a bad speech. Everyone wants to go home, so unless you're awfully funny, keep it brief." -- Prof

"I'm not opposed to playing games. If you want to play solitaire, bring a deck of cards." -- Prof

"If you want to spend time with your young children, you have to do it when they're young." -- Chief Justice Roberts

Student: That doesn't jive very well with the second article of faith, punishing people for their parents' transgressions.
Prof: Yes, oh holy one.

"For expert witnesses, there are 2 requirements: must have gray hair, and must have hemorrhoids to convey the proper level of concern." -- Prof

"I represented a prostitute, and some of her activities were highly aerobic." -- Prof

"I lock my car. Do you know why? Because I have contraband." - - Prof

"You can either finish law school and write patents at home 1 hour a day, while your little one scribbles on the walls with permanent marker, or you can strap your baby to your back and wash floors with a dirty mop in the early morning and late evening. You decide." --Friend, telling me not to quit

"The children of lawyers who don't read footnotes will STARVE." -- Prof

"You know what’s great about a new day? It’s a new day, full of new opportunities for rejection. I mean, WHO KNOWS who might reject me today?” -- Student, about the job hunt.

"Every time I read an opinion by Justice Breyer, I think of ice cream, and then I want some." -- Student

"I don't want a job. I want a life plan. I need direction!" -- Student.

"They met at a Communist party get together. Not exactly the wardhouse, but still pretty romantic." -- Prof

"He thought he might be the father, because they had sort of an intimate relationship...well, not sort of." -- Prof

"The federal government appreciates love. They understand it." -- Prof

"You never tell your clients to lie. That's unethical. You say, 'Well, here is a potential, credible story that we hope is true.'" -- Prof

"When you get caught speeding, don't say 'I'm sorry.' Say, 'IF I was speeding, I am sorry.' ADMIT NOTHING." -- Prof

"It's true. You can google it on the Internet." -- Prof

"Let me give you a hypothetical. Jesus goes to law school, graduates, what does He do? Criminal prosecution or defense? That's right, he's defending these monsters. He's a defense attorney. That's my gospel insight for the day." -- Prof.

"This is my job. I'm just trying to do my job, and you're giving me a hard time. I don't give you a hard time with your job. I just order my burger and fries." -- Prof to smart alecky student

"It's just one more way he's found to shame me."
--Student, about Prof

"In a couple of days, you're going to wish this distinction didn't exist." --Prof

"I can't concentrate when it's snowing, dammit."
--Student, when asked a question in class

Prof: "And what did the court say about that?"
Student: "They didn't mention it."
(awkward pause)
Prof: "Actually, it's italicized. Hahaha!"

"Punitive damages are un-freaking-predictable, but it's the consumer's way of saying 'corporate America, you can't screw me over.'" -- Prof

"I'd like to reward attendance and good preparation, but it's a crapshoot, after all." --Prof, explaining grading policy

"I don't know if any of you have neighbors with vicious boars, but if you do, you should probably move." --Prof

Student A: The thing speaks for itself, don't you think?
Student B: Then I want to know what the hell it's saying.

Student: I would think so.
Prof: You would THINK so???
(awkward pause)
Student: But I would obviously be wrong.

"My wife tells me it's harder to actually give birth than to encourage someone to give birth." -- Prof

Student: I give up.
Prof: Actually, only I get to decide when you give up.

"I think most people who work for the government are lazy, because I've been to the post office." -- Student

"I made the mistake of going out to lunch. I've seen the sun. I've tasted freedom." -- Student

"Imaginable in a common sense sort of way, not imaginable in a science fiction sort of way." -- Prof

Prof: Ready? You've had 19 minutes to think about this.
Student: I know. I advanced a level on Warcraft.

"I know you hate me, because I made you read pages we didn't get to. I hate me too." -- Prof

"Don't go there. We have a chart on that that's gonna give you a rash." -- Prof

Prof: Passover is coming! Have you been thinking about it?
Student: No, Ive been busy preparing food for it all week.
Prof: Your excuse fails, because the law requires the lamb to be boiled not roasted, so it must be done quickly. Your excuse fails like the little boy who lost his CTR ring."

Student: Can you clarify consequential and incidental damages in this case? It's a little fuzzy.
Prof: Let's just not.

Prof: Now, I want to go back to this student, because he's the one that said thou shalt not kill.
Student: Well, God said that, I quoted it.

"An accumulation of bad choices will make you into a bad lawyer and therefore a bad person." -- Prof