Sunday, November 29, 2009

hard-earned wisdom

Hello friends. I've been e-absent for some time but think of you often and fondly. Thanks to some generous in-laws, one day you might find yourself on a weeklong trip with a bunch of extended fam to the beautiful land of Hawaii, and if you do, and you happen to have a kid or two and be 33 weeks pregnant at the time, you'll thank me for what I'm about to share.

Some advice:
  • There is no need to be self-conscious because there will be many, many women who are way more pregnant than you are but they will be wearing significantly fewer items of clothing.
  • There is nothing in life that can't be improved with a few palm trees, an ocean breeze and some sunshine. Also, a ukelele. And caramacs.
  • Nothing will melt your heart more than watching your cute kiddo bond with her cousins in Utah (where you made a brief stop) and then MORE cousins on the island except maybe when she puts on sunglasses and a hat and bright pink sandals and runs for the door shouting "Beach! Daddy! Beach!"
  • If anyone sees you wearing a swimsuit cover-up and says "WOW! One size really DOES fit all!" just trust that they mean it nicely.
  • If the beehives in your ward are big into The Mysterious Benedict Society, go ahead and use this vacation time to climb on that train, as you'll likely find it delightful.
  • Most importantly, if you take the red-eye flight home, take an extra shirt for yourself on the off chance that the turbulence could cause your cute toddler to barf on you, thrice, when you still have 2 hours of the flight and a 2 hour layover and another 2 hour flight ahead of you. I hope you'll already have a change of clothes for the kid and a helpful spouse to crack up about it with, but if you don't pack yourself an extra shirt, you may find your very pregnant self in the airplane crapper, standing in your undies as you wring your clothing out and then put it back on. You'll eventually buy a horrible (though, fortunately, clean) t-shirt at the airport that says DENVER on it in enormous letters across your burgeoning belly and spend the rest of your journey realizing that you not only smell awful and look horrifying but your feet have swollen to a remarkable size that makes the term "cankle" seem quaint. But, you'll be grateful you won't see a soul you know. Which might remind you of when you bought a freaking jumper at Dollar General on your mission as a joke and the ONE day you ever wore it happened to be the day you ran into someone you knew from regular life. And if there's anything better than running into someone you know while wearing a jumper, it's probably running into someone you know while wearing a extra-large DENVER AIRPORT t-shirt over your generous belly and smelling of old toddler-vomit with tree trunks for ankles.
Anyway. Aloha!

9 comments:

~j. said...

Sweet. I saw that guy - the one from regular life, but that I haven't seen for over 12 years - on Black Friday. I was wearing black capris, brown shoes, and a navy fleece. He was Dressed For The Day. At 4:am. Awesome.

Still haven't been to Hawaii, though. Aloha.

AzĂșcar said...

I have learned that Always Travel With A Spare Shirt for You lesson.

Amen.

Anonymous said...

WOW!!!

sounds like you had a great trip.....

megan said...

baha. that jumper was a test of conscience. i'd wager you wore that thing more than once day.

Butchike Bunch said...

How fun what a fun way to be together with family!

Amy said...

Oh Kathleen, you're the best.

Brooke said...

Dollar General was missionary heaven. People to talk to. Cashier ladies to hand pass-along cards to and everything you could possibly need for your apartment or treats to bribe kids in families you were teaching all for under $5. But you burned the jumper, right??

Jared and Laurel said...

So jealous...about ALMOST every experience you have shared. You are so awesome.

Dorothy said...

This is really so great. Thank you so much for taking your personal misfortune and turning it into something wonderful for the rest of us. If everyone did this, life would be so much better.