Sunday, April 04, 2010

here i go

I've been having an intense fling with the Express Shelf at the library lately, a shelf of new-ish high demand books where the checkout period is shorter, no renewals. Perusing this shelf has led me to read more pop-culture-ish books than I normally would, including the recent trashy political tell-alls The Politician (about the John Edwards scandal) and Game Change. Reading books about semi-current events makes me feel more culturally literate, and also provides me with feelings of moral superiority because I'm not a power-hungry lunatic. This just in: most politicians are delusional, obnoxious, and lawyers. Coincidence?

The shelf has also led me to crack open the much-hailed book The Happiness Project, which is fascinating albeit a tad superficial. As you may know, author Gretchen Rubin spent a year trying to become happier in concrete ways, and every month tackled a specific goal, e.g., January's goal was to "boost energy" so she did things like exercise more, get more sleep, etc. (Note: a brief click tells me the blog is kind of lame, which is a bummer, bc I'm enjoying the book.) Anyway, she mentions she became happier when she stopped expecting a gold star for stuff. Just do it and enjoy it and ditch your need for someone else's appreciation. That's a big issue for me as a new-ish SAHM because I'm an attention whore (or as a classier friend says, "I require much love."). Basically, I need attention, and when you hang out with two (awesome) kids all day, it is fantastic in many ways but not so much dripping with accolades. So I spend a lot of time wondering if I am doing enough or if there's a rubric I can assess the day with or whatever. Obviously, you don't get a grade or a promotion or compliments from colleagues, and when you naturally need a lot of attention, it's kind of a let down (that is not a nursing reference). So you end up peppering your husband with statements that are acceptable from a six-year-old but bizarre for a grown woman, e.g., "Look! Look! I made dinner! Good job huh! Good job!? Do you like it? I swept. Did you see? I swept! Good job??" He will humor you, but still, yikes. Anyway, I'm not done with the book yet, but bits of it relate directly to my life in funny and thought-provoking ways. I've read about it here and there but if it weren't for the express shelf I would never have actually picked it up! It all comes back to that shelf, really. Will you read the book if you haven't already and then talk to me about it??

Speaking of which, the author read about Ben Franklin's Junto, a group of of 12 friends that met weekly for like forty years to talk about important stuff, and she liked the idea, and got a few friends together to be part of a regular "strategy group." I want one of those. How great does that sound?? A healthy discussion/debate with sharp people is like caffeine to me. Same with lunch dates. Well, and actual caffeine.

10 comments:

Dorothy said...

Oh, dear, this might be the area of my life that needs the most work. When I first heard Julie Beck's talk in General Conference yesterday, the part about having a "so what" attitude to not getting all the appreciation we thought we deserved, I was a bit, hmmm, offended? Oh my goodness, did that offend me? I think it did.

Anyway, when I thought it about more, I realized that she was totally right. I have had times in my life when I really didn't care about approval or attention or appreciation, when I tried to just be as authentic as possible and love others but do everything I did for God's approval and His only. I was happier then. I want to read this book. Our library needs an express shelf.

Ah, and about talking to people about stuff that is cool and that matters: I had a conversation along these lines with Nathaniel about five minutes ago. I called it a high. Caffeine may have been a less incriminating analogy. Anyway, doing a book thingy like that would be my dream. Really.

I love your blog.

Deanna said...

Amen, amen, and AMEN to your second paragraph! As a fellow attention whore, I so struggle with the lack of gold stars (or perhaps the bestowal of many, all at once, on the other side) with the SAHM gig. I have the same song and dance with my hubby about dinner, laundry, and many other mundane things, trying to show something for the massive energy and effort I put into my days as a mother. I would love a local "Junto" ... and though I can't promise to be sharp, I can promise to be caffeinated! (Ah, glorious caffeine!)

Hilary said...

Just adding myself to the list of people who occasionally accost their husband at the door with a round of, "Look honey! Did you see how clean the house is? Did you notice I shoveled the walks? I have an actual dinner on the stove? Look, no dishes in the sink!" When I look at the main thing I miss from working (besides all the extra money I made), it has to be the accolades and the acknowledgment that I was dang good at something, and I was recognized as being 'top of the class' so to speak. Kinda embarrassing . . . but I feel better that I'm not the only one who does this :-) Maybe I should read the book too . . .

KT said...

I made my husband compliment me no less than 8 times this morning about the freshly shampooed carpets in our car. It took me FOREVER, and he was GOING to notice.

b. said...

I have really been wanting to read the first two books you mentioned (did you like? recommend?)
And now I want to read the third!

I'd totally come to your team meeting! But, seriously? No gold stars?

megandjon said...

so far i'm not having to much trouble with accolade free living, possibly because my parents and my in-laws make me feel like i'm doing a pretty good job, motherhood-wise. and my husband of course. the terrible thing is i have a really hard time believing them! but i'm trying...

but oh man, i would love to have some intelligent, scintillating discussions a little more often. luckily my hub rocks in that arena, and i have a few close friends that i don't see enough that help with that, but it is terrible how disappointed i get with other women i come across sometimes. and of course, how excited i am when they surprise me!

i sound like a terrible snob. bleh.

BridgetteW said...

I know this is becoming a theme, but as a SAHM, I usually feel WORTHLESS without the "wow, look what you did today" praise from hubby or complete stranger, I am not picky. I have never used the word attention whore, but I am what I am, I now have a new label. Thanks for saying what SO MANY SAHMs feel. After always being rewarded or complimented in our professional lives, I think women ofen feel like we are doing something "wrong" if we aren't complimented or rewarded or even noticed. In the thankless business of child rearing, it leaves many feeling insecure, me included. Especially when we go the extra mile, messy crafts with the kids should earn a "good mommying today" from someone! I know I don't know you, but you are funny and I can relate to all of your crazy stories. Keep writing.

Sara said...

I'd like to be in your strategy group...how about we lunch monthly at my place. I'll provide the food, you provide the transportation?

I think you're amazing. If you ever need external accolades, just come to me. Seriously. Have you looked at your amazing kids, you made those? They are amazing because they're imitating their totally awesome, stellar, outstanding, fabulous momma!

teachergirl said...

uhm, oh please please put a list of books somewhere that i should read in the 4 weeks i have to just SIT IN THE SUN (or in the air conditioning...i do live in FL) AND READ. i read fast, so i need LOTS of books. i haven't read a book other than twilight or harry potter (don't judge...they're easy to read over and over and require very little thought at all) for like three years.

oh phd how you suck my life.

Just SO said...

I cannot even begin to tell you how I struggled with the non-existence of outside validation/appreciation. Still do. It sucks.