The circus, Lagoon and your 6th grade science fair, combined and on crack

Hard living ages you, so it's tough to guess if he was 65 or 80, but he was definitely too old to have all those naked ladies tattooed up and down his arms. His bald head was a gleaming, veiny mix of wrinkly old man tan and sweat but luckily we were still able to decipher the blue tattoo on his cranium that said "THAT TURNS ME ON!" in block letters. We listened to his smokey laugh as everyone gazed at the miniature horses dressed like ninjas and tried not to hurl from the manure and body odor swirling around the barn.

The Iowa State Fair is ridiculous, overwhelming and awesome. And I say awesome less like "far out" and more like truly awe-inducing bc this thing is unbelievable.

The 4-H exhibit hall was out of control cool. Breathtaking wooden porch swings and bed frames and gun cases, all handcrafted by 13- and 14-year-olds, ridiculously interesting and funky photographs, complicated quilts, the whole bit. Basically, name something people can make and/or grow, and the blue ribbon winners and runners-up were on display. We also saw posters presenting things like "Iowa's Owls," "Types of Beef Cuts and How to Best Prepare Them," and "Making Your Own 100-calorie Snack Packs Will Save You $137 a Year." To our delight, the incredible mix of stuff was perfectly illustrated by the fact that the picture-enhanced "Deer Hunting with Disabilities" poster was right next to "The Life of J.S. Bach." And on stage, two 9-year-old boys played Chopsticks (though the poster advertised it as "Chop-ticks") on the piano for an appreciative audience of several hundred fair-goers, while moments later, three overweight 20-somethings in sequins took the stage to gyrate/lip-sync to "Hit Me With Your Best Shot!"

That was all just in the first building.

Wow.

In another huge building, there was a 1,100-pound pumpkin and blue ribbon cucumbers, zucchinis, gourds, corn, and everything else you can think of. We honored the winners of the weed identification contest and drooled over the best strawberries and soy beans in the state before comparing the size and texture of various apples. We later sauntered through an incredible milking station and applauded the enormous and virile "Super Bull." And most of all, we saw droves and droves of people. An estimated 100,000+ people A DAY go to this thing and it is NUTS.

(Turkey legs, which, as you may know, are significantly bigger than they appear so when you eat one you look like a Viking.)

Though we ate only a few regular treats and a turkey leg (and felt delightfully barbaric), we could have easily sampled: BBQ everything, walking tacos, po' boys, fried candy bars on a stick, fried oreos on a stick, fried twinkies on a stick, pork chop on a stick, funnel cakes on a stick, hardboiled egg on a stick, veggie dog on a stick, fried pickle on a stick, cotton candy-flavored fudge, fried mac-and-cheese, and bacon dipped in your choice of cheese or chocolate. We could have also partaken of a fried wonder entitled the Potato Lollipop.

Thanks to a sweet, exhausted kiddo who loved petting the cows and making friends but who did NOT love missing her nap, plus a mid-afternoon rainstorm, we didn't get to see everything this time, but apparently we missed arm wrestling, sheep shearing and even a cow made of butter.


Had we gone in previous years, reliable sources indicate that we could have seen a life-sized butter sculpture of Tiger Woods and Iowa's own olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson.

Can you feel the magic?

whew!

Big changes are brewing in the bonzo household. May I present a few quotes regarding said changes?

"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." --Lao Tzu

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
--(I'm shy about attributing this quote accurately bc it's the Chicken Soup for the Soul guy. Seriously. Next thing you know I'm rocking the ropes course and doing the trust fall. Let's pretend it's Lincoln.)

"Whoa." -- Me and hub, repeatedly, over the last several days.

We're moving to Iowa. I KNOW! I know! You're thinking, Iowa, seriously? Who moves to Iowa? Apparently me and my fam. What do you think of the midwest? Is it as green and interesting and soothing as it seems? Anywhere that has a farmer's market on WEDNESDAY NIGHT instead of only on Saturday morning is a place I like. If you add in a gorgeous old campus and some hole in the wall restaurants, hey, sign me up.

Monday we left on an awesome road trip, not sure where we were going or when we'd be back, just knowing we'd be in Iowa for husband's job interview (for a position right up his master of public policy alley) on Wednesday. Welllllp, we got in Tuesday night, and while he interviewed, our cute kid and I explored the surprisingly awesome town...it was pretty gross out so we hit a museum or two and the awesome new public library and awaited word. Turns out he rocked the hell out of his interview and they offered him the job that afternoon and in a surprising turn of events we found an awesome house and put an offer on it Thursday.

It's not as rash as it sounds, I promise. We'd been talking about buying a house for...um...twelve hours.

Whatever. Sometimes you just need to grow a spine and spice up your life. And by you I mean me.

Friday we signed the bank stuff and hit the road to Canada right in time for a Saturday wedding reception and some quality time with the extended fam, and got home yesterday. 3,600 miles in eight days with an abrupt decision to borrow six figures and move halfway across the country to somewhere we spent 72 hours in once.

hell yeah.

Now we just need to move out of our current place, sell our old cars, blahblah. Who needs furniture when you can have a YARD? Oh yeah, and there's that whole bar exam thing. Whatever.

Let's get this show on the road. Want to visit?

Disagree with me!

I like a bit of controversy. This explains why I like things like politics, law school and casual sex. Just kidding about the last one. You know the saying, "If two of you think alike, one of you is unnecessary"? Don't you agree?? You'd better! (get it? You better agree about thinking alike?? Bwahaha!). Like Elder Wirthlin's last conference talk, "The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole." You're probably freaking out that I said "casual sex" and "conference talk" in the same paragraph. You would never do that, would you. AHA! We're different! SEE?

But seriously folks, we are different on PURPOSE. Not only do I like a healthy debate, IT'S IMPORTANT. And if I may be frank, and I suspect that I may because this is my blog, too many of us just shut down rather than disagree. I'm not talking about fighting, hurting feelings, personal insults, I'm talking about having (gasp) different opinions. I wonder if it's that many of us (women, especially) are pleasers; we like it when people are happy and we interpret any conflict, even friendly, substantive conflict, as bad. So in almost any circumstance, we jump to the smooth-over portion before dealing with the meat-n-potatoes of the issue, just shutting down and saying "Okay, let's not get into it, have a great day! Love you!" or "I'm staying out of it, let's get a treat!" But 'getting into it' doesn't have to mean raging like a cyclone...how about a bit o depth, here? And I'm convinced that shutting down at the first sign of any conflict does us, and our communities, and the PLANET, a pretty serious disservice. Are people uncomfortable with dimensions? Hesitant to share how they feel? Hesitant to DECIDE how they feel because someone might disagree and then they'd have a meltdown? I think most adults have great intentions when they try to avoid conflict, but it worries me when it's primarily women who avoid conversations like this. Give me a break. I get concerned when people avoid a real discussion because they think everyone will get their feelings hurt like we're 7.

Do you think that was insensitive? GREAT! Something else we can disagree on! Anyway, here are a few random thoughts I'm just going to throw out there to stir the e-pot a bit (not a drug reference). No insults, just some healthy conflict. Embrace it.

I have some stretch marks and I kind of like them because they remind me what my body is capable of doing...growing a human. What the awesome!

When married couples say they've never been in a fight, I don't believe them, or else I figure one of them is a doormat. Husband and I disagree all the time and one of my favorite things about him is how he explains himself and how he'll listen to me do the same and how we don't have to agree on everything

I comment on strangers' blogs all the time. It is the WORLD-WIDE WEB, and if you put it on the Internet, you want people to see it. You're kidding yourself if you have a non-private blog and think strangers don't see it all day long. Aren't you happy I at least make myself known when I visit? I don't think it's creepy. Stranger comments are fine with me as long as they're not spam, gross, or insulting. I figure that elevates someone from creepy stalker to new e-friend and I always laugh when someone says "Isn't that weird that someone I don't know commented on my blog?" Um, no. It's not weird. You put it on the Internet.

Which brings me to another point...I don't believe people when they say their blog is their journal. I mean, it's neat to have stuff to look back on, but if you truly wrote for "yourself" you'd have it private or just do it in Word. We all blog (at least partly) for the interaction and attention, don't we?

The whole idea of private school freaks me out. If your neighborhood school isn't good enough for our kids, I figure we can help fix it. Unless you live in the hardcore ghetto and your kid's going to join a gang or get stabbed by one, it's pretty snooty to say your kid deserves a good education more than the other kids on the street do.

I don't understand why people think anything environmentally friendly is "liberal." It seems like keeping the planet we call home in tip-top shape should be the one no-brainer we all agree on.

I am impulsive and I like other impulsive people because in the time you spend thinking about doing something, you could've finished it.

Birth control is the devil's tool....okay, I don't really think that, I just wanted to get some healthy-disagreement juices flowing in you. Did it work?