gurrbonzo

Monday, November 19, 2007

blast from the past, or, tag-tastic

My dear sis in law Katie has tagged me, (UPDATE: as has Cami with the same thing), so instead of making up even more bits about me, I shall now refer you to one of my first posts in this business, almost a year ago, where I listed 100 things about me. Lame? Perhaps. Worth a laugh? Damn right.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Overheard on the bus

In the olden days, my friends and I would giggle when we overheard science-nerd conversations, like "Can you believe he didn't even know how to take the square root of the average of the squared mean and the data points! (snort snort) It's like he doesn't even know what standard deviation means!"

Today I had the privilege of overhearing some nerdtastic conversation on the bus, but philosophy instead of math or science. PRICELESS. Some tidbits (note: these are ACTUAL QUOTES I jotted down in the margins of my First Amendment book while I was pretending to read):

Geek A: So you're doing this for fun?

Geek B: No, I'm doing it for serious. I really like to transcend the boundaries of institutions.

Geek A, about wikipedia: "It's clear that academia treats it disdainfully because it threatens their power."

Geek A: Know one of my favorite jokes? What's the difference between a PhD in philosophy and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four."
Geek B: And yet, a PhD is an absolute must for me at this point.

Geek A: Because you're in this deep?
Geek B: No, because of my life goals and desires.

Geek A: Wait, are you challenging the inherent value of learning?

Geek B: Certainly not. I'm maintaining that informational access does not equate with analytical ability.

"Computers isolate students, and learning takes place socially, so computer are worthless. In fact, LESS than worthless, because they divert resources."

"That is a hasty generalization, but I'll allow it. I grant you the ideological exception, but certainly not the epistemological rule."

And my personal favorite:

"That is a nefarious use of information. My thesis is going to be theoretical, and very descriptive" (umm, like that sentence?)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

From a case I read today, or, why law school is awesome

"Sophie was a bitch wolf who attacked a child. The bitch wolf was under the custody of Mr. Poos."

'Mr. Poos and the Bitch Wolf: A Bedtime Story.' I'll be mom of the year.

Recent addition: THIS JUST IN. We are discussing this case in class and the prof keeps saying "Sophie the Bitch Wolf" in his questions.

Monday, November 12, 2007

thug charts

If you're a thug on the inside (and/or have ever caught yourself humming the Milkshake song despite your best efforts not to), you'll laugh at these. If you don't, your life saddens me.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Funny Spam Part III

Just got this glorious spam at my law school email address (which makes it even funnier) and it killed me:

NickName: superhelen

Age: 24

Country: Svalbard

City: urkrine

Marital status: Never Married

Children: Have 5 children (living with me)
Height: 135 cm (4'5")

Body type: Average

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Blue

Education: High School graduate

Looking for an age range: 20-63

I am Used to be Called by my Lovely Ones who do care and Love me with all their hearts as been a Lovely and Great Friend to them..Am a Graduate and Living with my Lovely Grandma and wishing to Love and be with my Lovely One someday when we agree to be with each Other since To Life is to Love..Yes..Impossibilities becomes possible when Love Exist..Hope To Hear from my Soul mate..Someone wishing to Love and Care for me with all his Heart...Love You I'm looking for.. If you are sociable, hot, loving man with a great sense of humor, then lets become friends, and may be more! I also hope you enjoy listening to good music and like dancing. If you are not very good at dancing, that is not a problem, I will be very glad to teach you, and I hope you also teach me something. I want a man, who is seriously tuned to have a happy and strong family, as this is the biggest my wish. You are someone who knows how precious life is and dont want to just let it slip by. I hope you like romance and appreciate loving relationships and real friendship, as only with real friendship real love starts to my mind.

A few questions for superhelen: How do you know that I am someone who knows how precious life is? Do you have any idea that you used "love" or "loving" or "lovely" more than 10 times? Get this woman to thesaurus.com, quick! And more importantly, why is your age range 20-63, superhelen?? What makes a 64 year old unacceptable and a 63 year old irresistable? But MOST importantly, why did you stop the random capitalization halfway through? Consistency is key. Now I just don't know if I want to meet you anymore.

Quotable Quotes, or, tidbits from me life.

My professor, about people having their babies at home: Home delivery is for pizza.

Me, about Prof: I LIKE his wavelength; I'm just not on it.

Student: I don't think so.
(long pause).
Prof: No, you DO think so.

"I wish I had the opportunity to HAVE a sexual quality of life." -- student responding to survey

"I should cut up my credit cards.
(long pause)
Of course, then I would starve." -- Student

"Are you getting a manicure in my courtroom? What the hell are you doing?" Judge/Prof, to student clipping nails

"He covered everything but his 1990 colonoscopy. Good example of a bad speech. Everyone wants to go home, so unless you're awfully funny, keep it brief." -- Prof

"I'm not opposed to playing games. If you want to play solitaire, bring a deck of cards." -- Prof

"If you want to spend time with your young children, you have to do it when they're young." -- Chief Justice Roberts

Student: That doesn't jive very well with the second article of faith, punishing people for their parents' transgressions.
Prof: Yes, oh holy one.

"For expert witnesses, there are 2 requirements: must have gray hair, and must have hemorrhoids to convey the proper level of concern." -- Prof

"I represented a prostitute, and some of her activities were highly aerobic." -- Prof

"I lock my car. Do you know why? Because I have contraband." - - Prof

"You can either finish law school and write patents at home 1 hour a day, while your little one scribbles on the walls with permanent marker, or you can strap your baby to your back and wash floors with a dirty mop in the early morning and late evening. You decide." --Friend, telling me not to quit

"The children of lawyers who don't read footnotes will STARVE." -- Prof

"You know what’s great about a new day? It’s a new day, full of new opportunities for rejection. I mean, WHO KNOWS who might reject me today?” -- Student, about the job hunt.

"Every time I read an opinion by Justice Breyer, I think of ice cream, and then I want some." -- Student

"I don't want a job. I want a life plan. I need direction!" -- Student.

"They met at a Communist party get together. Not exactly the wardhouse, but still pretty romantic." -- Prof

"He thought he might be the father, because they had sort of an intimate relationship...well, not sort of." -- Prof

"The federal government appreciates love. They understand it." -- Prof

"You never tell your clients to lie. That's unethical. You say, 'Well, here is a potential, credible story that we hope is true.'" -- Prof

"When you get caught speeding, don't say 'I'm sorry.' Say, 'IF I was speeding, I am sorry.' ADMIT NOTHING." -- Prof

"It's true. You can google it on the Internet." -- Prof

"Let me give you a hypothetical. Jesus goes to law school, graduates, what does He do? Criminal prosecution or defense? That's right, he's defending these monsters. He's a defense attorney. That's my gospel insight for the day." -- Prof.

"This is my job. I'm just trying to do my job, and you're giving me a hard time. I don't give you a hard time with your job. I just order my burger and fries." -- Prof to smart alecky student

"It's just one more way he's found to shame me."
--Student, about Prof

"In a couple of days, you're going to wish this distinction didn't exist." --Prof

"I can't concentrate when it's snowing, dammit."
--Student, when asked a question in class

Prof: "And what did the court say about that?"
Student: "They didn't mention it."
(awkward pause)
Prof: "Actually, it's italicized. Hahaha!"

"Punitive damages are un-freaking-predictable, but it's the consumer's way of saying 'corporate America, you can't screw me over.'" -- Prof

"I'd like to reward attendance and good preparation, but it's a crapshoot, after all." --Prof, explaining grading policy

"I don't know if any of you have neighbors with vicious boars, but if you do, you should probably move." --Prof

Student A: The thing speaks for itself, don't you think?
Student B: Then I want to know what the hell it's saying.

Student: I would think so.
Prof: You would THINK so???
(awkward pause)
Student: But I would obviously be wrong.

"My wife tells me it's harder to actually give birth than to encourage someone to give birth." -- Prof

Student: I give up.
Prof: Actually, only I get to decide when you give up.

"I think most people who work for the government are lazy, because I've been to the post office." -- Student

"I made the mistake of going out to lunch. I've seen the sun. I've tasted freedom." -- Student

"Imaginable in a common sense sort of way, not imaginable in a science fiction sort of way." -- Prof

Prof: Ready? You've had 19 minutes to think about this.
Student: I know. I advanced a level on Warcraft.

"I know you hate me, because I made you read pages we didn't get to. I hate me too." -- Prof

"Don't go there. We have a chart on that that's gonna give you a rash." -- Prof

Prof: Passover is coming! Have you been thinking about it?
Student: No, Ive been busy preparing food for it all week.
Prof: Your excuse fails, because the law requires the lamb to be boiled not roasted, so it must be done quickly. Your excuse fails like the little boy who lost his CTR ring."

Student: Can you clarify consequential and incidental damages in this case? It's a little fuzzy.
Prof: Let's just not.

Prof: Now, I want to go back to this student, because he's the one that said thou shalt not kill.
Student: Well, God said that, I quoted it.

"An accumulation of bad choices will make you into a bad lawyer and therefore a bad person." -- Prof