Friday, January 26, 2007

Explainer syndrome at its finest

Explain: to make plain or clear.

condescending: arrogant, patronizing

rage: agitation, conniption fit,
rampage, spasm, outburst, tantrum or hemorrhage (thank you thesaurus.com...)

Years ago, a male friend mentioned something about fettucine, then paused to let me know that "those are the big noodles."

In November, a classmate of mine was complaining that Provo doesn't have NPR available; I gave him a confused look because I had listened to it on the drive to school that morning. But no, he assumed my look was not, "What? It is too!" but instead a look of "no comprende" so immediately said "NPR. It's a radio station, and it stands for National Public Radio, and they talk about current events a lot."

As a missionary, sometimes we’d tract into somebody who would start telling us what we believe, such as “You know, if you ever flat out ask a Mormon, they’ll tell you, they don’t even believe in the New Testament!” or if we would mention the First Vision, they’d interrupt and say “No, no, I’ve lived in Palmyra my whole life, and it didn’t happen in trees, it happened in a cave, and he was an old man.” OH. Great point. Hang on, I have to go tell the last 2,000 people I’ve spoken with that I was wrong. Can I use your phone? Let me call my mom and tell her we’ve all been mixed up for 25 years. And while I'm at it, hold a sec, I have to email 12 million members and let them know that whole martyr thing was a mix-up. SO glad I met you and seriously, thanks for filling me in. Seriously.

Sigh.

I bet you experience this stuff a lot too...(often from men to women, but not exclusively). Talk about a surefire way to get rage (or hemorrhage).

I'm beginning to realizer that it really doesn't matter if the explainer syndrome involves something obvious (NPR and fettucine) or if it involves something you know that they think they do (Joseph Smith in a cave). Either way, it drives me NUTS (as in crazy, not as in American slang for testicles) because it makes me feel like they are assuming we don’t know our heads from our butts and I want to look shocked and confused and yell something like “Wait, I should've been using toothpaste all these years?” or “OH! WOW! You’re saying afternoon means AFTER NOON!?”

All this stems from the fact that I am in the middle of a writing lecture that is explainer syndrome times ten million and it is filling me with fury. Tips given include:

prepare.
always be accurate.
write clearly.
follow the rules.
get right to the point.
proofread.

Thank you for your insight, sir. Those are all really deep, concrete points that were definitely worth 50 minutes of my life. We have been in school 17-20 years and didn't realize we should proofread. I especially love "write clearly." Freak. That's like telling piano students to use their hands or football players to catch the ball or a constipated person to just poop it out: obvious, lame and unhelpful.

Am I alone in my fury??

3 comments:

Mr. Gurrbonzo said...

That's my wife! And by wife, a mean a woman to whom I am legally and lawfully wedded, in case you don't know.

Nikki said...

I can so relate. This is so funny. I nearly peed my pants. (and not because I'm pregnant with my fourth and there's reason for weakened pelvic muscles. nope.)

supalinds said...

Fury- a feeling of intense anger. In case you didn't know. And yes, I feel intense anger, also known as fury many times a day.