Monday, December 17, 2007

So much to discuss

Hello blog! Hello blog readers! Hello the Internets! Sorry I've neglected you for well over a week. I blame Evidence, First Amendment and Criminal Ho-cedure, all of which sucked my time, sanity, wit and charm from me last week, but as I emerge from the tunnel of law school finals doom (emerge, mind's not over til Thursday), I find myself bursting with e-updates for you. Also, when school ends, that means two weeks of time to...drumroll....READ FOR PLEASURE. So please prepare your suggestions. Now for the e-updates on my thoughts and feelings.

First, I've been having the weirdest dreams since this baby started growing in me body. For example, last night I dreamed we parked our car in a parking structure, not realizing that to save space, the structure magically shrunk the cars as soon as we left. So we had to look for our car with a magnifying glass, and the man working there helped us find our teensy car, and afterwards I tried to invite him over for dinner as a thank you, and he said I had tried to re-activate him last time we were there and he still wasn't interested in the gospel. What does it MEAN? Is our baby a prophetess and trying to send me messages? Maybe I just need more bedtime snacks. Then, my stomach will be hard at work as I slumber, distracting my brain.

Another example: last week, I woke up and told husband: "I just dreamed that instead of a baby, I laid twelve eggs." Not huge like ostrich eggs, but not teensy like the "large" ones at the grocery, either (do I sound hip and/or European if I just call it "the grocery"?). I kept them warm like a good mama bird. Does this mean I'll barf into our baby's mouth to feed her when she's born? Point to ponder.

Second, in studying for things like law school (which, believe it or not, I often enjoy), I realized I have an intense fear of becoming a CB. That's right. Corporate Bastard. I won't, though, right? CBs depress me. I know we all start out saying we want to help people, and others laugh at our idealistic ways, but for crying out loud, when PEOPLE need lawyers it's because they need help, and I want to help them. When people or companies hire CBs it's because they screwed over the little guy and need help muffling his cries, and my job would be to smother the little guy with a pillow, then get in my ritzy but-in-a-boring-way ritzy car and go to our house and kiss our kids on the cheek when the nanny goes home, then take them to the country club. PLEASE. NO. I need substance in my life. Or maybe I just need to watch more Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and less Erin Brocovich, and I'll feel better. Next week, I'm halfway done with law school, which means if you round up, I'm basically finished, and if I still have (relatively) moral motives this far in, I'll totally be okay, right? Right? club...Knocked Up Lawyers Against Corporate Bastardization. Watch for an upcoming membership drive.

Third, in early college, I was at a store (not the grocery) and I saw some normal, kind-looking young moms chatting in line. I remember smiling to myself, imagining that perhaps I would one day be them, then throwing up in my mouth a little when I heard they were talking about wallpaper and stenciling. WALLPAPER. Can you believe this? Are you as shocked as my 18 year old self was?? It's not that they were talking about it, as much as it was that they were talking about it so enthusiastically. Since then, I have had a desperate fear of becoming them. So if I ever blog about wallpaper (not in an "I just remodeled the H out of my home" way, like The Summerill Surf, which is inspirational and outstanding, not lame), but if I ever start talking about ridiculous things like they are awesome, I want you to come find me. Intervene like they do for AA, reader. The first step toward recovery. HELP ME IF I BECOME THAT. This may be part of why I have such negative feelings toward learning to cook or craft, because I am afraid that it is all I will do, and all I will talk about. Some of those people freak me out. Note that if you cook and/or craft, I still respect you. You just freak me out a little.

Fourth, I am three years old when it comes to husband and Christmas presents. As soon as I get him something, I have to tell him or I'll explode. Is this normal? Also, we still don't have a tree. Is that bad? Maybe we'll get one tonight. We're totally tree-ready, though, so good for us. What else should I get him? Shoot. He reads this. Give any suggestions you have in code, with the first letter of each word spelling out the item. For example, you want me to get him socks, you say Snuggle Often Creepy Kite Sinker. Nevermind. NOW HE KNOWS THE CODE. See what I mean about not keeping secrets?

Fifth, I might be a hippie on the inside. I only want our kid to play with blocks. Will this pass?

Sixth, I need to write a brief about protective sweeps, which I don't like nearly as much as complaining about CBs. So, I'll carry on with the brief writing now. But if you want to join the club, let me know. We might need a more inclusive name, FLAL. Future Lawyers Against Lame. No, come on Gurrbonz, more inclusive. You don't need to be an FL. How about just PAL. People Against Lame. PAL, unite!

We can design our own wallpaper.


J said...

PAL! Sign me up. You are the best.

Megs said...

You're slowly losing your mind.

Anna said...

I am happy you are back to blogging. Fab to see you and the husband at Target. We like you. And all commented on how great it was to see you and how cute pregnant you are.

Rach said...

-I will join PAL only if the dues are reasonable and I can be an officer. -The laying eggs dream is a sign of fertility so do not worry.
-You will not be a C.B.
-You should get your husband a Beginning Ocra Overtone Kingdom. Get it?

piglet26 said...

When is the nomination for president?...because My House ROCK-eth! ok, I am having an open house at my new house on the 28th of december, and if you are in town, you can come with your husband and your baby (hahaha...she has to come because she is INSIDE you)...ok, that was a little freaky to think about...(what was I saying? oh yah,) So I would give you my address, but then it would be posted all over the web and then any wierdo could come, of course I only want a particular type of wierdo to come and not just any wierdo. So then I was thinking I would just give you my phone number or e-mail address, but once again, any wierdo could then call me or e-mail now I am at a loss, so if you want to come to my open house you have a few options:
1. drive around PG looking for the cutest older house you will ever see.
2. figure out my e-mail address by putting my first name rignt next to my last name and then sending it to one of the main e-mail sites (hint.
3. Ask everyone you know, if they have my newest address or phone number so you can come.

December 28th 5-8pm

erin g said...

kathleen, i am so glad that you are back, because i rely on your blog to mix things up when i am getting boooooored at work.

i am all for your KULACB, except not the KU part for me. i have actually been thinking about this a lot lately as a mull post-clerkship employment options. it hit me the other day (yeah, i am slow) that big law firms are simply corporations in sheep's clothing (though very poorly disguised). they just do work for corporations that the corporations can't do for themselves. i don't think that's the way the legal profession used to be, for the most part, and it makes me sad. i did not go to law school to work for a corporation. i went to "help people," which sounds naive and idealistic but hey, so what. i could go on, but you still have some more finals, so i'll stop.

so, maybe we can find alternatives. we could even start our own law firm while we nurture our children (which is what we can do instead of talk about wallpaper).

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Hmmm...I know what you could get, I mean, your husband...

Little Octagon Verdant Icicles Neurons - preferably with an apostrophe at the end, not a Gigantism.

Or Nesting Evergreen Ultra Tart Igloo Clamp Leafy Estuary Samples. Just for fun.

TGUSHM said...

There is nothing wrong with wallpaper. You have offended an entire nation of people who identify with large slabs of paper like material that start to curl on the ends after approximately 6 years. The people won't stand for it. And neither will I.

Get him Carefully Handmade Itineraries Conceived Killing Entire Nations Sick Of Finding Taliban Shit.

I know I'd love some.

supalinds said...

Glad you are back in the land of the living. Your law school life is so intense and makes me want to take a nap for you. I think I will, and then drink a fountain soda for you.

PAL, I am so in. I hate wallpaper and lame people.

Callie said...

Hi Kathleen. I love your blog. And don't know how you do all you do with humor and insight. I'm excited for our double date after the holidays.
Love, your favorite CB
P.S. will you send me the link for sweet/salty?

EBV said...

Establishing PAL in Provo is like setting up the Peace Corps in downtown Baghdad. LOVE THE IDEA! We live, well I live in, Lame, Utah. The J. Reub is Lame Central. And thank you for using the word Bastard without some kind of apology or whispered effect. Thank you. That is all.