Tuesday, May 13, 2008

In which I light incense and beckon you to come through the beaded curtain

FAQ involving our hippie birthing experience:

Natural? Are you crazy? No way, man. I'm awesome. I buy the whole medicine-is-for-when-things-go-wrong phenomenon, and figure childbirth is a natural part of life, and figured women have been doing this a helluva long time, so wanted to give it a whirl the old-fashioned way (not in a cave or handcart...I mean without drugs). If there had been a problem, I would have been open to medical intervention, but since there wasn't, it worked out well. And yes, of course it still hurt. Relaxing is not magic and it's not marijuana.

Do you have an abnormally high pain tolerance or something? I don't really get this question, because I don't have anyone else's pain tolerance to compare mine to. Do I faint when I get shots? No. Am I a triathlete that pounds my body into the ground for the thrill? No. So whatever that means.

So do you think others are spineless for getting an epidural? What?? You have to have a spine to get one, right? I vote that everyone should do whatever the freak they want. I even have a shirt that says that. And I'm all about modern medicine and don't think anyone who gives birth is a wimp and I am not going to refuse blood transfusions for our child or pray for a miracle instead of getting her glasses. If you want to give the natural way a try, I recommend it, and if you don't, high five as well. Just live the dream.

What are the perks? I knew what was going on the whole time, felt totally in control, could walk around after (even though I took babysteps like a 90-year-old hunchback), had a speedy recovery, and to our delight, our sweet baby was totally alert from the first second. Also, it was pretty great to just know that I could do it, and all the nurses made me feel like a rockstar.

Hypnobirthing? Do you hypnotize yourself or what? Basically, yes. I clucked like a chicken whenever husband snapped his fingers, and even now, when he says the magic word (which I can't reveal here), I fall asleep immediately until someone offers me a corndog. Either that, or we just ditched a lot of the weird hypnobirthing stuff (I didn't have much luck imagining myself as a rainbow or visualizing a fawn running through the forest or picturing me throwing a treasure chest of my problems out of a hot air balloon. None of those examples are made up) and went with the normal stuff, which was just relaxing and some positive affirmations that champion hub read to me the whole time. That, and he pushed on my knees during every freaking contraction to take the edge off my damn back. I'd take that over an imaginary hot air balloon any day.

Other questions?? Feel free to post them in the comments and all mysteries shall be revealed.


Anonymous said...

Was it like the movies? Did you yell any profanities? BE HONEST.


Jay and Jess said...

AMEN! Jessica never really had any intention of going the natural way, but when the contractions were going strong she wasn't dialated enough for a normal delivery, so she had to have an emergency c-section. I can count on two hands the number of people who have asked her if she feels "good about not doing it natural." I seriously want to injure everyone that says that to her. I also want to tell them to never take an asprin or go to the doctor again when their children are sick. You are right, whatever you feel right about doing, you should freaking do it.

ps- remember when John Jacob blamed Satan for his campaign woes? Jason Chaffetz (is he really chaffed?) reminds me of him.

K8 said...

You are funny, mama C.How come we never heard you cluck like a chicken during rehearsals or during the real deal?

Stephanie said...

ok person

what hospital were you at? lots of hospitals are kind of wierd about natural births.

and, just so we are clear, the experience was so great that you would do it again, right? i need assurance of this.

i think it is great that you made the decision that was best for you. coolness.

Jordan said...

i love your shirt mantras

Katie and Warren Tickner said...

First of all, after reading all your raves about Lost, I tried watching the first episode from season 1. Then I decided to watch the second episode, just for kicks. Then the third, and now I CAN'T STOP. I've watched two entire seasons in FOUR DAYS. And, it's not like I don't have stuff to do, I just don't do it anymore. I don't study for my next test, I don't clean, I don't even shower anymore. My life is ruined, but all I care about is who the hell these hostiles are and why they are so crazy. And also, I have a bad girl-like crush on Sawyer.

Secondly, I am taking a natural birthing class next month because I don't know what I'm more afraid of--needles or pain. I decided I would be open to having an epidural after my friend described the pain of child-birth as "being gutted alive." I still haven't made up my mind, I'm waiting until I get there to see if I can hack it or not, but at least I'll feel like I have a choice. I mean, I have run a marathon...how bad could giving birth be? :-)

I'm scared...


Supalinds said...

I think you rock!

Kiersten said...

Could you coach me on how to hypno-c-section? Because then I would be the ULTIMATE woman.

gurrbonzo said...

Anonymous: Ha! Unlike many women in the movies, I didn't hit anybody or have a total meltdown. I did yell for a while near the end, but not profanity, though profanity was involved. Basically (and hub will laugh about this the rest of his life) when the contractions (or "surges" as we say in hypnoworld) got particularly intense I thought I was going to poop and kept saying "Sorry if I shit everywhere" and "Ooh I think I'm going to shit" and variations of that to the doc and nurses, which is pretty funny looking back. I don't really remember bc I was concentrating pretty hard on just checking out. Note: If the fact that shit is involved in childbirth shocks you, I apologize, and welcome you to planet earth.

K8: PAWK-PAWK! I don't know how else to type a cluck sound.

Stephanie child bride: We were at the giant Costco hospital, and our doc was normal about it and made me feel like a champion. Would I do it again? Hell yes. It will definitely take me a while, and there were moments during which I thought "what the eff was I thinking? don't be a martyr!" but turns out it was the most amazing/empowering thing I've ever been a part of. Can't recommend it highly enough.

Jordan: I can't find the shirt that says "I answer to no one" and it's really affecting me.

KT: I should have warned you: LOST IS LIKE CRACK COCAINE. You only have two more seasons to go...don't back down. And, I respectfully disagree with the "gutted alive" comment...women have been doing this a long time and if it were unbearably bad, our species would have died off long ago. Hard doesn't equal impossible. That was one of my favorite things hub kept telling me during labor: You can do hard things! You can definitely hack it. With a normal birth, my take is that the choice isn't if you CAN do it, but what you want to do. Bc you can definitely do it. Booyah. And my money says once you have one, you'll have another bc they're so freaking cute.

Supalinds: Stop, I'm blushing.

Kiersten: Visualize the fawn. Just kidding. When women under 5 feet tall have 8 pound babies, I give up.

zacharoo said...

I like your ideas on drugs. It is my belief that they are for recreational purposes only.

Ashley is Blogalicious! said...

I understand why KT is blogging about LOST on this post about the natural birth. It's because Claire has a baby the natural way on the island.

Dot said...

Oh, I so hope your kid has eyeglasses. Little girls with eyeglasses are the CUTEST!

Erin said...

when my grandma had her first baby (and this way in the olden days, so i'm sure it was pretty "natural"), the nurses told her it was okay if she cursed. she thought they meant that cursing HELPED, so she swore like a sailor through the whole experience. (this was a woman who would not say the word "deoderant" because she thought it was too scandalous). then she was so embarassed when she learned that swearing was not medicinal (or hypnotic).

i remember feeling really bad about all of the ... stuff ... nurses had to clean up while i was in the hospital. you know, looking through my vomit to make sure i hadn't vomited the medicine i had just been given. and worse. but my sister reminded me that that's what nurses do, and it doesn't bother them.

AzĂșcar said...

I'm late to the party but CONGRATS!!

I'm so with you on the natural child birth: it freaking rocks.

I had an epidural with my first and vowed never again, so far so good. My non-epidural birth rocked.

p.s. Katie, nursing only hurts after the first couple days if you are doing it wrong.

Mar said...

I am proud of you and honestly can say that I wish I could grow a pair and have a natural birth but this mama knows her limits. PS - Are you embarrassed to add my blog to your Favorites list? JK, just don't piss off a 33 week prego. :)

Mar said...

You added me. LOL. I bet I scared you! PS, I forgot to comment that I loved the "Did I shit everywhere?" queries during birth. Were the nurses laughing or were they worried about cleaning up your shit?

Nikki said...


I love your post-- and your comments about your comments. I told Danny that he better watch and tell me if I pooped anywhere. I was really worried I was going to because for the 1 1/2 half before he was born I felt like I really needed to have a bm.

And whoever said that nursing only hurts for three days is wrong. I hurt for two weeks and had every lactation in Utah County check that I was doing it right. Some people are more sensitive than others. With each of my four kids, it took about a week and a half to 2 weeks for the pain to calm down from nursing.

Can't wait to read more of your new-mommy posts. :)