Dear guy who plays Michael on LOST,
BOO FOR YOU! I'm glad you found a job that'll last through 7 seasons, and I'm glad that you're comfortable playing a murdering, sneaky, conflicted spy of a fellow, but WHO HIRED YOU? You are a horrible actor and when I watch you get angry, I get angry because I think I'm watching a 7th grader try out for the school play who's about to walk home sobbing because he DIDN'T MAKE IT, not even as stage crew. Also, you look a lot like Jamal from the hit series Ghostwriter. Do you get that a lot? Thank you for your time. And what's the deal with Walt, anyway?
Dear whoever is responsible for Ghostwriter,
Whose idea was it to have Alex and Gaby share a room? Brothers and sisters at that age are not quite so close. Kind of a weird message to send to public-television-watching kids in the early 90s, don't you think? A little Flowers in the Attic-esque? Also, I want you to know how often I wanted to write "Rally K!" somewhere and wait for my friends to show up, and I also want you to know that more than 13 years after your show is off the air, occasionally I STILL get Lenni's hit song, You Gotta Believe, stuck in my head. Damn you.
Dear Murray from Flight of the Conchords,
Yesterday during the American Idol finale, when David Cook rocked out with the celebs, I couldn't hear the music...all I could hear was your voice saying "Zed Zed Top." Thanks for that. Don't add me to the fan club.