tray-sure it up!

So, like most human beings with a heart, I love Christmas.  I love Jesus, and family, and friends, and celebrating, and cuddling up in the cold, so it's a nice holiday.  But there are elements of this season that bring my consumerism/materialism guilt out in full, vomit-inducing force. Know what I mean?

While I have my hippie tendencies, I am fully capable of shopping my brains out, and I'm all too familiar with the term "retail therapy."  But every once in a while, the grossed-out-by-stuff phase hits me full force, and I start thinking how awful and downright disgusting it is that in a world where people don't have safe drinking water or enough to eat, and when there are kids in our own zip codes who don't have coats or roofs, that I in all my privilege and abundance, somehow feel entitled to purchase frivolous and completely unnecessary things.  Whether for myself or others, it's still stuff, and it feels gluttonous when many have so little.

And if I think about it too long I end up feeling weighed down and even bloated by possessions, wasteful indulgence, etc.  I've had a hard time articulating my thoughts on this but have just had a nagging, foggy sense of OBS syndrome (Overwhelmed By Stuff) as of late.  So I was delighted to find this article in the latest New Era (a church magazine for teens...."Why are you reading a teen magazine, gurrbonzo?", you ask?  Well, because I work with that age group at church, dear reader.  Not because I'm clinging to my fading youth...although perhaps I am...but at least that's free).

Anyway, the article is called Enough Stuff: Five Tips for Tackling Materialism, by David A. Edwards.  I recommend the whole thing as a perfectly-timed discussion, but may I share some excerpts?

We all need stuff—stuff to wear, stuff to eat, stuff for home, stuff for school. And, of course, beyond the necessities there’s also the stuff we want but don’t really need, as well as the stuff we dream about but could never afford. There’s big stuff and little stuff, girl stuff and guy stuff, stuff for work and stuff for play, stuff for now and stuff for later. It seems the world is filled with stuff. If we’re not careful, we can have a hard time seeing past all that stuff. Material possessions (both those we have and those we want) can obstruct our view of who we really are and what life is really about. ...

"Obstructing our view of who we really are and what life is really about" is what I meant but failed to express very clearly in my grumpy post from last month.  Stuff gets in our way and prevents us from seeing the world and ourselves.  He then gives five tips on overcoming materialism, all of which I found thought-provoking.

1.  Know who you are.  One of the most subtle and dangerous aspects of materialism is the false identity it can give us. When we think of ourselves in terms of our stuff—whether it’s our clothes, our toys, or our money—we paint a pale and shrunken picture of ourselves...But the Savior reminds us, “A man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth” (Luke 12:15).

     UAdd a Note 2.  Know where you're going.  The scriptures give us several correctives to the “gimme, gimme” philosophy.  The prophet Alma taught, “Seek not after riches nor the vain things of this world; for behold, you cannot carry them with you” (Alma 39:14). You’ve probably heard the saying “You can’t take it with you.” Well, it’s scriptural...So where should our focus be? The Savior has told us to look beyond the way station of this world toward our final destination. He said, “Seek not the things of this world but seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God, and to establish his righteousness” (Joseph Smith Translation, Matthew 6:38). He also taught, “Thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better” (D&C 25:10).

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3.  Be Grateful.  Modern prophets have taught that gratitude can transform our lives...And the Lord Himself has promised, “He who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more” (D&C 78:19).


4.  Think outside yourself.  ...Material things, along with the ways they are marketed, move our focus onto ourselves rather than others. In this way, materialism can cause us to quietly reject the Lord’s commandment to “love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39).  This focus on self and the stuff of this world is not part of living “after the manner of happiness” (2 Nephi 5:27). In fact, modern research seems to have verified that (1) you can’t buy happiness and (2) a focus on others can bring greater personal satisfaction.  As Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (1917–2008) taught, “We are happiest when our lives are connected to others through unselfish love and service.”

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5.  Be wise.  Again, we all need some stuff, and most stuff is neither good nor bad in and of itself...But over time the incessant drone of materialism can influence our attitudes and thoughts and cause us to forget the Lord and His commandments, as well as our true selves. So we must be on guard....  “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal.  But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”Matthew 6:19–21.     UAdd a Note  

"The incessant drone of materialism" is exactly how I've been feeling about the whole thing.  It's deafening sometimes.  Is that article great or what?  Does the holiday season consumerism make you pukey sometimes, too?  What do you think of all this?  Have you figured out a way to balance it?  Agree or disagree?

religious and random

Welp, General Conference is coming up and I've got some churchy stuff bopping around in this noggin.  A sampling:

• "You're in your forties.  Are you telling me you personally have a shelf somewhere with five full sets of scriptures on it?  Are you crazy?"  My much-revered friend and mentor (of "If two of you think alike, one of you is unnecessary" fame) once told me that as an adult, he gets new scriptures every five years, and that was my reaction at the time. I admit I thought it was interesting, but kind of weird and excessive.  I would like to publicly e-retract my initial reaction because he is right on.  I just got a shiny new set for my birthday and I.  Am.  Thrilled.  I can't wait!  My new quad has a button!  Oh, how I've longed for a button.  Five years is about how long it takes before you need a fresh look with fresh eyes and a chance to take fresh notes, instead of having your old markings guide your thinking down the same old paths.  Even if they're great paths, you know?  You read differently when YOU'RE different!  My last set is well-worn and well-loved but you know what, a lot has changed since 2004/2005ish when I made most of those markings and notes (and by "a lot" I mean pretty much everything.  My life stage.  My mind.  My bum size.  My name.  I could go on...).  So I didn't realize how cool it would be until I got them today, and whoa.  I am really, really excited to take a brand new look, and will be adhering to the every-five-years plan from this moment forward. 

• *ALERT: YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ ABOUT SCRIPTURAL BREASTFEEDING* Long before I had kids or a husband, I had a nice heart-to-heart about the Book of Mormon with a stranger, and the woman (who was probably in her twenties) said, "I knew my life had shifted when I started reading and identified more with Lehi than with Nephi.  I relate now as a parent instead of a child."  I laughed and couldn't imagine it ever happening to me.  That had never occurred to me before.  She also said that as a nursing mom, for the first time she appreciated the awesomeness of women living on raw meat in the wilderness but still being strong enough to make milk for their children.  Gross!  I thought that was super weird of her to have noticed and applied to herself.  Yeah, again, I've changed my tune and get it now. Hrmmm.  People say stuff I think is weird and then I realize they're right. Am I getting older or are they getting awesome?  Maybe both.  All of this is my way of saying I haven't read the New Testament or the Book of Mormon from my new vantage point in life and I'm looking forward to it.  Annnnd go git yourself some new scriptures too! 

• I stumbled into this gem of an interview with Julie Beck and her two daughters.  Parts of it were definitely better than other parts, but the highlight for me was at the end where she says you can pretty much do anything that's asked of you.  Just make it happen.  I love that.  Here's an excerpt: 

I often think of the pioneers...and what happened during that most difficult time?  The United States government came and said, "We need five hundred of your most able men," and off they went.  And what did the women say?  We're going to just sit here and cower and feel sorry for ourselves?  No! They said, "You go do your job.  We will meet you in the valley."  And they did.  That's the kind of feeling I have for the sisters of this church.  Whatever's required, they can do it.  They can round up their shoulders and do it, if it's asked of them...We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

Amen and amen.  I love buck-up-and-just-make-it-happen messages.

• And finally, I stumbled into this talk from 2002 this week and just have to share this, from Henry B. Eyring:

The Lord knows both what He will need you to do and what you will need to know. He is kind and He is all-knowing. So you can with confidence expect that He has prepared opportunities for you to learn in preparation for the service you will give. You will not recognize those opportunities perfectly, as I did not. But when you put the spiritual things first in your life, you will be blessed to feel directed toward certain learning, and you will be motivated to work harder. You will recognize later that your power to serve was increased, and you will be grateful.

Also, there is a heading in the talk above that says "God will multiply the effectiveness of your time."  I think and hope that is true, because I've often felt like there is not enough of me to go around.  Anyway, the God-knows-what-we-need-to-do-and-what-we-need-to-know thing has been absolutely true in my experience, especially recently, and I am grateful for the opportunities I've been given that have prepared me for stuff. I bet in five years (when I have NEW new scriptures!) I'll be grateful for stuff now that was preparing me for then. 

The Becks: Are Julie and Glenn related? (just kidding)

It's no secret that a few years ago, I began to love General RS President Julie Beck after she spoke at my law school. That love is through the roof! She really knocked it out of the park this weekend with her outstanding talk on personal revelation. I'm looking forward to when the written version comes out (Thursday, I think?) but until then, I invite you to just bask in a few of the most spectacular parts with me. Woopwoop!

• Promised personal revelation comes when we ask for it, prepare for it, and go forward in faith trusting that it will be poured out upon us. I don't know if it was all the outlining in law school that did this to me, but I now think in bullet points and find myself putting everything I read/think/say/do into sections and subsections, so it really clicks for me when I get three-step instructions like this, e.g., to get personal revelation we need to (1) ask for it (2) prepare for it (3) go forward trusting it will come. Number three makes me feel like once I've done what I can,, I just need to forge ahead and bank on the fact that God will guide me, just like in the Book of Mormon when Nephi said "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." Know how they say you can't steer a parked car? Get this show on the road! After you do what's within your power to do (ask for personal revelation and prepare for it), it's time to move ahead, trusting that guidance will come. I've experienced that a hundred times but the get-off-your-butt-and-start-moving pep talk is always needed.
  
• The ability to qualify for, receive and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. Whoa. Not only is that the most important skill, but it's one you don't need to rely on anyone else to develop. A lot of what we do in life is contingent on other people, on their ability to choose (or not choose), but the most important skill we can develop is between us and God. We don't need a middle man. Hallelujah.
  
• This Eliza R. Snow quote she shared will be famous! Did you hear it and did it blow your mind like it did mine??

  "We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and holy ones. In an organized capacity, we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves, and whether few or many come forward and help prosecute this great work, they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the kingdom of God. Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated, but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know that the Lord has laid high responsibility on us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has planted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling and qualifying for those responsibilities."

  My constant desire for appreciation was covered in a recent post, but these ideas are significant and basically telling us to (wo)man up. There's plenty of important work to do, God is counting on us, we aren't dummies, we have a lot to offer and improve on and we can do it so get moving.
• Finally, I was delighted to hear Sister Beck quote my very favorite part of Preach My Gospel that I clung to in the tough times of my mission. "When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us." WOOPWOOP! Maybe that's the rubric I should be applying to measure the success of my days. (p.s. I'm totally having a successful day, more on that later...)
  

Anyway, this conference was an especially great one in my book. Did you hear much of it? Are you growing to love Sister Beck more and more like I am? Isn't she impressive? Don't you love a good, substantive talk from a female church leader?? Doesn't she have a powerful speaking voice? Am I starting to sound more girl-crushy and/or fan-girl-esque than is appropriate??

virtue: not just for virgins anymore

That wasn't actually the title of our stake workshop, but wouldn't that have been awesome?

Thanks for all of your comments. I found many of them helpful and thought-provoking (and some, cringe-worthy).

A few things I should clarify: I led the same discussion twice, first with all the 12-year-old boys AND girls AND their parents, then with all the 13-year-old boys AND girls AND their parents. I think having a) those younger ages b) with both genders c) with parents d) in a pretty large group made for a pretty unique situation that I would have tackled differently if it had just been girls, or just boys, or no parents, or a smaller group.

I'd been thinking a lot about what it's like to be 12 or 13, the 6th/7th/8th grade crowd, very sweet and very fresh-faced, many of whom are the only members in their grade and/or school. They aren't too cool for church yet and still get excited about participating (sometimes). So many of them were very sweet and truly "without guile." I figured the sex-is-great-that's-why-you-wait conversation was better suited for the older crowd and kept this discussion away from the nitty-gritty and more focused on what virtue means and why they should care.

Anyway, I'm sure you would have done it differently (and likely done a better job), and feel free to skip it if you're not interested, and judge all you want, but I've gotten a few questions about what I ended up doing, so here's the gist of it for those who have asked and perhaps someone out there in internetland finds it helpful.

• Think of a time you've felt really proud of yourself, a time you felt like you could do anything, just really confident and like you wanted to high-five the world. We listed them on the board, and in both groups, the participation was really endearing: "When I made the honor choir!" "When I tried out for 7th grade softball!" "Grades!" "Being in jazz band!" "When I gave a talk!" "When my first piano recital was over!" "When I help my brother with his math and we both figure out hard problems!" "When I finish reading a good, big book!" and so forth. I chimed in with a few, e.g., finishing law school, or giving birth two weeks ago. I then said that everything on the board and anything that is truly rewarding in life usually involves (1) preparation and (2) commitment and how this was also true for virtue. We went over the list and I asked them to keep that feeling in mind, and to remember what it's like to feel confident and empowered and like you can handle anything life throws at you, and how today we're going to talk about "the courage to be chaste and virtuous" which, in part, means learning how to be confident about choices we make and confident in God's presence.

• Alma 38:12: "Bridle your passions, that ye may be filled with love." This worked out well bc in both groups there were kids that were really into horses who explained how a bridle works and how a horse doesn't know where to go without it, how a bridle doesn't suppress but just focuses the horse. We talked about where they want to go both short- and long-term and how self-control is the ticket and being your own boss and deciding what you will do (and won't do) is part of growing up.

• Virtue is a prerequisite for feeling the guidance of the Holy Ghost. We talked about what "prerequisite" means (apparently, in junior high you have to take Global Studies before you can take American Studies, Geometry before Algebra, or whatever; it was really sweet how excited they were to think up examples of prerequisites) and how being virtuous allows God to help us and show us what to do.

• Virtue is a pattern of thought and behavior. I asked them to explain what a pattern is (they mentioned repeating designs, or 2, 4, 6, 8, etc.) and it's basic but seemed to work okay in helping them understand that we do what we're used to doing, so right now is a great time to start a pattern of thought and behavior to last them for the decades to come.

• Developing virtue is a process. This is the part I liked best. There is an awesome section on Virtue in Preach My Gospel (that I made into a really basic handout), from Chapter 6 about Christlike Attributes. At the end of the chapter, there is this "activity" where you're supposed to rate yourself on a scale of 1 - 5, 1 meaning never and 5 meaning always, as an opportunity for self-reflection. I found the section on "Virtue" really fascinating bc I usually think of it as code for virginity, but this brought a more positive, more nuanced discussion.
  

I am clean and pure in heart. (Psalm 24:3–4)
I have no desire to do evil but to do good. (Mosiah 5:2)
I am dependable—I do what I say I will do. (Alma 53:20)
I focus on righteous, uplifting thoughts and put unwholesome thoughts out of my mind. (D&C 121:45)
I repent of my sins and strive to overcome my weaknesses. (D&C 49:26–28)
I feel the influence of the Holy Ghost in my life. (D&C 11:12–13)

We read and discussed each scripture. I wasn't sure where this would go, but we ended up talking a lot about the first statement (how clean hands and a pure heart means clean on the outside AND the inside), the second statement (how when our hearts change, our desires change) and the fourth one ("put unwholesome thoughts out of my mind" means it's okay to HAVE unwholesome thoughts and the key is to not entertain them). It worked out well to just see what they responded to and run with it.

• Repentance is real and WE CAN CHANGE. I mentioned this might make more sense to a lot of them later in life so invited them to put it in their back pocket until they needed it, but that if they ever feel like it's too late or things are too far gone or all hope is lost, that. is. a. lie. God cares way more about our direction than about our past and the miracle of the gospel is that we can change. You don't have to wait for anything. I told them about my friend who once, in a moment of clarity, threw a CD out the window of her car bc she knew she shouldn't listen to it. If it's holding you back, THROW IT OUT. On the way home from this activity, you can tell your parents, "I've been looking at stuff I shouldn't online, will you help me?" or you can tell your boyfriend or girlfriend, "You know what? I'm 12 or 13. That's too young to have a boyfriend or girlfriend." We don't have to be the same tonight as we were this afternoon.
  

• A number of the youth made very, very sweet comments about what they want out of life and how they want to play certain sports in high school or go to a certain college or make the honor band next year and we talked about how good choices allow them to stay in the driver's seat and be in charge of what they do.
  

• God gives us commandments because He wants us to be happy. Finally, at the end, I just told them that my life is not even close to perfect but that every good thing in my life--my husband, my mission, my education, my freaking awesome kids--everything good in my life is from God, and how happy those things make me, and how I want that for them and how God wants that for them.

I was sort of dreading the assignment but I'm glad I got the chance to do it. I realized that virtue isn't just virginity and that every law of chastity discussion doesn't have to be about heavy petting. Bits of the lesson kind of flopped but for portions of it, I felt like they were really "with" me and I left feeling like we'd had this intense heart-to-heart.

click on the first line for a slew of church commercials

"Isn't it about....(long pause)....TIME?"

Yes, yes it is. I haven't had any of it in a long time and now I have tons. Not like I sit around making our 17-month-old massage my feet and feed me grapes. Taking care of our kid full-time while I grow another one isn't exactly free time, but it IS flexible time and more than I'm used to.

A law school friend once told me, "I don't want to have kids for a while because I need some ME time," which I didn't really understand but respected. I thought of it today as I realized that my whole life has been me time. Twenty years of school, and who has benefited so far? ME. Did I work? Yes. To pay for ME and MY life and MY stuff. Sure, I served a mission, but even that benefited ME and I went because I wanted to. ME ME ME. And law school is, in many ways, a very selfish period of time. Sure, it's an investment in the future (learn now so you can help later) but it's still ME ME ME ME ME.

And I've just always been over-scheduled, which has been fine but a little hectic. And now, as I enter this bizarre new period of my life, I'm just as busy but not as scheduled, so I'm up for random service opportunities in ways I haven't been before. Can I bring randoms dinner? You bet. Can I watch people's kids while they nap/take a class/recover from chemo? Sure. Not every day, of course. But I love that I'm not stretched too thin right now. That I don't have forty things hanging over my head. That I can wake up and think about what my kid needs from me and worry about HER and HER needs, and help others out here and there as everyday, last-minute stuff arises without hyperventilating or feeling crazy-frazzled.

I haven't been in this position before. It's new and temporary and I like it.

Am I an ever-helpful saint? Nope. And will it stay this way forever? Of course not. But I like that if my buddy's childcare plans fall through for the day, I don't shrug and wish I could help as I rush off to a presentation or class or a study group. I like that if someone needs dinner or a ride, I'm down, and I don't have to bail on anything pressing to do it.

Maybe in all my bustling around I've really been missing out. Anyway, this marks a shift for me, and I like it.

Cheers.

affairs, MJ and pep talks, oh my!

I. John Dickerson had an interesting piece in Slate this week about South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford. I'm as jaded as anybody when it comes to politicians and affairs...at least, I thought I was, until the John Edwards story broke a while back. Call me naive but I was genuinely shocked and sincerely sad/disappointed. Sure, everyone else in national politics cheats on their wife, but JOHN EDWARDS? The handsome, polite, every-soccer-mom-had-a-swoony-celeb-crush-on-him advocate for the poor who lost his son in a car accident and has a smart, normal, not-size-2 wife and now has a couple of cute little kids and came from really humble beginnings? It really surprised me a) that he had an affair and b) that I was so affected by it.
Anyway, with the recent Sens. Ensign and Sanford (and everyone else) stuff it's easy to make jokes about politicians and affairs and the bizarre number of "family values" spokespeople who keep being destroyed by personal scandal. And I definitely like to make mean jokes. But this piece just made me think a bit about how people are people, even if they're famous. A relevant excerpt from the Slate article:

The snap judgments failed to acknowledge a grain of the fundamental human carnage we were witnessing. You can laugh at Sanford, as you can laugh at a video of a wrecked Amy Winehouse falling all over her house. But at some point, even though they did it to themselves, you have to feel sorry for them as human beings. You can do that, I think, and not be a fan of adultery or drug use.

Sometimes I just want to take a second and feel bad for people, even famous people who are obviously vulnerable and human and maybe slightly crazy. I mean, I'm crazy too, it's just not in the tabloids and I don't have to give a press conference explaining my crazy to the unforgiving masses waiting to twitter about it. Aren't you kind of crazy too? Maybe it's partially that I have the public figure/private figure NYT v. Sullivan defamation and libel stuff on my mind (thanks, First Amendment). Maybe it's that with the scandals and the King-o-Pop, there are a lot of (often hilarious) harsh jokes about those whose lives just ended or are falling apart. But on some level the bleeding heart in me thinks geez, we ARE all brothers and sisters, and I can and do and should feel bad for the poor Sanford family (even the dad who caused this mess) just like I can feel bad for poor crazy Michael and his nightmare of a childhood.
But really, I appreciated John Dickerson's article and the fact that a regular reporter would say "Back the train up, this is a PERSON," which is probably not easy in the world of journalism when it's about juicy headlines and skewering the vulnerable and the flawed. Anyway, I'm glad I ran into it and it caused me to really reflect on that for a while and want to hug everyone.

II. On a completely unrelated note, I ran into this article about supporting your kids' dreams a while ago. Maybe it was even on your blog! I can't remember. But it's given me a lot to think about, and I like it. Here's how it starts:

"I've changed my mind," said my 13-year-old daughter, Francie. "I don't want to be a lawyer anymore. I want to be in the FBI." I tried to imagine my daughter's bespectacled face staring back at me from the climbing wall at Quantico, but the image didn't come easily.
Still, I replied, "How cool is that?"
"Yeah," Francie said, arms folded in satisfaction. "It's going to be good."
I hope it is. I hope that her life turns out absolutely according to her dreams. If she doesn't quite hit the bull's-eye, then she'll still have aimed in the right direction.

Go read it and come back and tell me what you think, okay? We can have an internet book, I mean, article club about it. I like the idea of just being in someone's corner, not just with your kid but in life. If my kid wants to be an astronaut, she can be an astronaut. If my buddy sincerely wants to be a trash collector, she'll be the best damn trash collector around. Seriously. Who am I to pee on someone else's dreams!? There are plenty of Debbie Downers in the world and the last thing any of us need is a PARENT or FRIEND to be our Debbie. I like that when I think up something ("I want to start my own firm! No, I want to go back to school! No, I want to be a corporate bastard! No, I want to start an on-ramping program! No, I want to work on immigration! No, I want to build a barn and save up for a pony!"), my hub or mother or friend will often say, "Ooh, now you're thinking. You'd be good at that. We could make it work." If it's a dumb unworkable idea, I'll figure it out soon enough. It's just really nice and important to have someone that says "Hell yeah!" when you have an idea. What do you think?

p.s. If you need a pep talk from me, just let me know. I will happily counteract the bummer patrols in your life because guess what? You can do whatever you want.

pretty pumped

So one of the many perks of serving your mission at (quote fingers) historical sites (quote fingers), involves ALL THE OLD PEOPLE. Seriously. The number of senior citizens per capita there is pretty darn close to most rest homes, but with more agility and potato salad. Either way, one endearing old owlish woman who (of course) eerily resembled her endearing old owlish husband told me she could always tell when it was time for General Conference because her batteries were low and needed re-charging. She said, "Every now and again, I feel like something's missing, just a little more tired, or grumpy, or a little extra impatient, and I'll look at the calendar and sure enough, conference is right around the corner." Though she always said "in-patient" instead of "impatient." Anyway, I couldn't relate but laughed politely and then looked at pics of her great-grandkids and listened politely as she told me (again) to store water in soda bottles, NOT milk cartons bc the milk never gets rinsed out all the way and lit up when she lectured me on the variation involved in yarn textures and the latest family history software.

Anyway, I didn't get it. Maybe it's just bc I'm stretched thin these days (figuratively, not MY figure-atively) with the thirty plates I'm spinning (can I climb the ladder of mixing metaphors a little harder?!...bahahaha). Maybe it's just with trying to be a semi-competent parent and wife and almost-lawyer, I need a nap. Maybe I'm just ready for another Julie Beck pep talk since her comments at the law school were right on the money. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a little nuts but man, I'm spent, and frankly a little weary. So, I'm excited for conference in a way I haven't been before and I see what the sweet owl grandma's charge-up-these-batteries-already comments are all about.

Is it bad to say "hit me" about conference?

HIT ME.

thought salad

Last week, one of my hilarious profs spent a good hour raging about what a waste of time interviewing (in general, but particularly in the law/business world). "What do you do in an interview? You bullshit. Study after study shows interviews aren't an accurate predictor of success on the job. Guess what the best predictor of good job performance is? PAST job performance! Interviewing is a colossal waste of time and money, AND a diversity reducer, because people like people that are like them. So whoever's doing the interview hires people exactly like him. Colossal waste."

When I was a 1L I mentioned to a classmate that I had an intense fear of becoming a corporate bastard, getting sucked into the business world and never actually helping anyone. He rolled his eyes and said he could help more people by making a ton of money, saying something like "I can hire others to help. If I pull $300 an hour, it makes more sense for me to make that and hire 6 other people to help the poor for $50 an hour." I was appalled. I was fresh home from my mission and a firm believer in the person-to-person, voice-to-voice, one-by-one we make a change school of thought, and was shocked that it didn't occur to him that maybe HE had something to learn from THEM, that throwing money at others to help poor people robbed HIM of an important reality check. Not to mention he sounded like a total douche.

I thought of all that yesterday in RS yesterday (as usual) we had a fantastic lesson, this one about becoming Zion, "of one heart and one mind." Yeah, we talk about "cherishing differences" but when it comes down to it, most of the time our hangout friends are just like us. That's part of what was so hilarious and awesome about the mission, sitting down with people that I would NEVER in ten thousand years meet on my own. Can we help the poor if we don't know them?

Husband showed me this from Speaking of Faith the other day, talking about how Jesus wasn't in charge of the poor, he WAS poor. The author talks about how charities function as "brokers" between the rich and poor so we never see each other, and the wealthy can "pay off their consciences" bc without these "carefully sanctioned outlets, Christians might be forced to live the reckless Gospel of Jesus by abandoning the stuff of earth. Instead, thanks to charity, we can live out a comfortable, privatized discipleship."

The first paragraph talks about how this rich man wanted to be like Jesus so he got a 24 karat gold cufflink made that said "WWJD" on it. Funny, right? But maybe there's not much difference between that guy and me waxing poetic while I type about the poor on my freaking laptop.

Deep thoughts about cancer and racism

The other day a nice lady about shat herself when she saw me walking with our cute baby (strapped in what's been called a Swedish Chest Saddle) and as we started chatting, she asked me if I "had a degree." When I said I was in law school, she--kid you not--shrieked and said "NO WAY! No way! GOOD for YOU! With a BABY?? Wow wow wow wow WOW!" and just stared. I laughed awkwardly and said something like "Hey, thanks, you're making me feel like a rockstar," and she said "You ARE a rockstar! LAW school??" And for a brief moment, I felt like I'd cured cancer. Then I remembered that all I'd done was get knocked up while enrolled in something that involves paying knowledgeable professionals to publicly berate and humiliate me and wasn't sure why I was being so congratulated. Sometimes, people act so surprised that I'm in law school, it makes me wonder if they think I'm quadriplegic and/or mentally challenged or some other supreme challenge that would make me a good motivational speaker. It also makes me wonder if they've ever opened a phone book and seen how many douches have made it through law school. In other news, Sunday hub and I caught part of the rebroadcast of the June 8th celebration of the 30th anniversary of extending the priesthood to all worthy males and it rocked our socks off. You can watch it here. It was surprised at how nice it was to see black men and a black woman preaching from the pulpit of the tabernacle and was really moved by a black stake president from NJ, I think, who spoke about how his patriarchal blessing said he'd preach the gospel to "his people" so he assumed he'd go to an inner city. Instead, he went to Latin America and realized Latinos were and are "his people" and that we're all each other's people. I've been thinking about that all week. Watch it now. Don't say "don't tell me what to do." Just watch it already. In an uncharacteristic act of bravery, I actually attended an RS activity (and didn't hate it! Progress! Turns out book clubs are a little more up my alley than recipe swaps) during which we discussed To Kill A Mockingbird and how prevalent racism is, even/especially in our vanilla community. And how it's bigger than race, it's just fear of people who are different than we are, in looks or economic circumstances or just life, and how in 4 Nephi, the people were happiest and most peaceful when distinctions disappeared and they had all things in common and there were no manner of -ites. So I have realized that my fear of stroller moms is discrimination and just because we're different (though not all that different anymore, now that I'm a crockpotter and serious crafter) doesn't mean we can't be friends. So if you're a crafty stroller mom, will you be my friend? Actually, just in general, will you be my friend? The end.

church & chicas

I gave this a listen and invite you to do the same, a discussion about Julie Beck's conference talk from RadioWest this week. Thought-provoker. Good panel, solid assortment of topics and views...women in the church have a tough time sometimes.

Speaking of which, last week in Relief Society our lesson was on women in the church and YOWZA! Talk about stirring the pot...our teacher didn't get to say anything because the comments took over, and hand after hand went up like I have never seen before in my quarter century upon our earth. Some examples:

• one young newlywed mentioned she feels a lot of pressure to have kids. Several women responded, telling her it was the best thing she could ever do so to get started, while a bunch of other women told her to feel free to put it off a while because it will never be just her and her husband again, and one woman even asked, "Have you asked God's opinion? See what He thinks."
• one youngish mom with 2 little kids commented that while she loves being a parent, staying home is driving her crazy and it's not sustainable for her because she doesn't feel like all her talents are being utilized and she wants to contribute in a different way. A few people responded to her, saying that she needs to make it sustainable because that's where she belongs, while others expressed sympathy, urging her to follow her heart because so-and-so never regrets working and allowing your kids to see you pursue your talents helps them know it's okay and good for each of them to be his or her own person, too.
• one old lady with grown kids mentioned she wished she'd never worked outside the home and has felt guilty about it for 30 years, and another lady said she was glad she did because it taught her kids independence and is sick of people judging her.
• everyone agreed that whether they stayed at home, worked part time, full-time, kids, no kids, whatever, that they had felt judged by someone else because of their decision but that we shouldn't get up in each other's business.

Our lesson went 5 minutes over, raised voices, tears, hugs, you name it, a lot of emotions were close to the surface. Spiciest RS lesson of my life. Interested to hear how the men's lesson went, I asked my husband if his was as juicy as ours.

Not even close.

No one had anything to say. The opening question was, "What do you think are some challenges women in the church face?" Dead silence for a while, then one guy said that maybe a small minority want the priesthood. It's hilarious/startling/revealing that all these men are CLUELESS about what's important/challenging/heartbreaking for their spouses, having completely different conversations about the same topic. Like the genders live on different planets!

Addition: I should also note that I did not participate in the RS discussion, primarily because I was wrapped up in all the feelings swirling from the women around me. But I was really surprised at how many women felt judged; not just working moms, who said they felt like second-class citizens or like their neighbors looked down on them, or expressed frustration that people assumed they "had" to work when sometimes they just found it fulfilling, but also from moms who stayed at home. Some of them expressed feelings about how they felt like the worker bees looked down on them because "all" they did was stay home, so they must have tons of free time. One employed-outside-the-home mom mentioned that she knew plenty of moms that spent more time away from home than she did, but usually for community involvement or politics or uber-volunteering or whatever, so unpaid and therefore didn't count as a "job" so they were still "good moms." Overall, it really struck me how many women had conflicting feelings, regardless of their choices, and how sometimes, with all the pressure, it's a lose-lose. And let's make it a win-win, dammit.