I've gotta hand it to myself...

...this was basically an awesome Christmas.  I love spending Christmas in our own house and having the kids wake up and run to their own tree and just doing our own thing.  For about two hours straight on Christmas Eve, our three-year-old walked around with a blanket over her head playing Mary (tucking a baby Jesus with a strong Cinderella resemblance into a pack-n-play with a pillow pet) while our nearly-two-year-old ran around as a renegade angel, waving a star wand and shouting "Behold!"  It was really, really sweet.  We had a big fat Christmas dinner party with a random assortment of friends (11 adults, 8 kids, 2 infants. It pretty much rocked.  I learned a lot from last year and (a) lowered my standards significantly and (b) only made the meat and rolls and invited everyone else to take care of the rest.  Totally recommend that.)  In sum, it was a perfect day full of family and friends and fun and not much stress, and for that I am grateful. 

I've heard it takes two years to feel at home somewhere: one year to get to know people and another to learn to love them.  I suspect that's true.  This is our third winter here in Iowa and so far, things are ideal (and not just because it hasn't snowed yet).  I haven't lived anywhere this long as an adult, and I feel like I am finally getting into my groove.

I know that means change is afoot.

Our kids are at very sweet (though sneaky) ages and are surprisingly independent; I like my calling; I like my job; I like my friends; I like my scene.  Which is remarkable because for the first little while of my existence with multiple children, I was operating at a pretty basic level, totally groove-less in a sea of babydom that's adorable in its chaos but nonetheless, chaotic.  And now our kids are getting bigger and I'm sloooowly learning to navigate this life.  Also, you know what?  I'm a kickass welcome wagon.  Honestly, my newfound friendliness is pretty hit-and-miss, but the misses are some of the best parts due to hilarity, and by hilarity I mean awkwardness level. Despite the hilarious misses, I remain largely unfazed.

Basically, it took me a few to get my footing in this new scene of mine in a new region of the country. Essentially, my takeaway from 2011 is that I learned to prioritize in smarter ways and anticipate my own needs better.  So this is my advice to old me and to the Internets and who(m)ever else about what I learned in the past year:

1. Decide what doesn't matter and chuck it!  Be ruthless.  For example, when it comes to my kids' clothing, I want them to look reasonable and feel good, the end.  I don't see them as an extension of me and my identity's not wrapped up in it and I never want to have a conversation about brands or patterns or blahblahblah.  (Stay tuned for a forthcoming post about this principle.)  Because I don't care, I refuse to care or expend much time or energy on it, and that refusal is quite liberating.  This goes for bigger things, too, but clothes are an easy example.  Look at something.  Be honest with yourself about how much you care.  If your answer is, "I care very little," then just put it away.  You only answer to yourself, and your family if you have one, and God if you believe in one.  But you're in charge of you and what's important to you, and that is awesome.  
2. Adjust your expectations.  This is less depressing than it sounds, but I often recommend lowering your standards significantly.  For example, when we had our first baby, I felt really uptight about her sleeping.  All anyone wanted to know was "How is she sleeping?" "Is your sleeping?"  "How was your night last night?" and every night I felt like a failure, because she wasn't sleeping great, and a barrage of well-meaning questions reduced me to tears.  And I realized that keeping score by how she slept was going to make me bummed out.  What's the solution?  STOP IT.  She's a baby!  I made peace with the fact that because we have small children, we are going to get crappy sleep.  Any sleep anybody gets for the next decade should feel like a bonus.  Voila!  I suddenly felt awesome because did we get SOME sleep? Yes!  Then, hurray!  So, do that with whatever's bumming you out. 
3. Value your time.  I regret wasting absurd amounts of time on really dumb things that didn't matter to anyone, at all, ever.  For a simple example, briefing every case in law school?  That is dumb.  No one knows, or cares.  You need the information in that case, and you need to know the legal principle(s) contained therein, end of story.  You don't get a trophy for the briefing process or for taking three hours to do a one hour job.  So quit glorifying the process and start thinking about results.  Another example is making something homemade and complicated for a YW activity.  THAT IS STUPID.  From now on, if we need, say, cookies, I am buying them, unless there is a specific benefit to making them.  If I feel like making them, I will, because I do what I want.  But if I don't feel like making them, I will buy them and never feel bad about it.  What's more important, my afternoon or $5?  My afternoon!  Just because you have little kids doesn't mean you should spend your day on useless stuff that you don't find fulfilling.  Don't be a martyr!  If it's important to you and/or your kids, do it.  If it's not, forget it.  Delegate it or ditch it all together. 
4. Figure out the introvert-extrovert thing and take care of yourself accordingly.  Does everyone else already know this?  Introverts expend energy when they interact with others, and need to recharge with solitude. Extroverts GAIN energy when they interact with others, and recharge from other people.  Just picture yourself after a fun party.  Are you drained?  Introvert.  Are you pumped up?  Extrovert.  This means if you're an extrovert, you need to be around people.  For me, this means making friends, and if no one is friendly, it means finding friends and making my own fun, and also getting a kickass job that allows me to gain energy from other people, and some financial independence, and avoid mushbrain, and feel like myself.  But the tricky part is figuring out how much work is just enough to keep you awesome, and how to keep it from becoming so much work that you go crazy.  Still working on that.

Anyway, it wasn't a perfect year, but it was a pretty great one, and those are a few takeaways I learned the hard way.   The end.  Got any takeaways from YOUR 2011?

things they shout, and so on

Last weekend at a crowded restaurant, a group of tough-looking bikers walked in.

Annnnnnd of course, our three-year-old jumped up on her chair, pointed excitedly, and shouted "PIRATES!"

Whenever the doorbell rings, our one-year-old shouts "FRIENDS!" and scurries to the door with a truly startling amount of enthusiasm.  There is nothing sweeter.

I turned 29 a few weeks ago and it was awesome, primarily because it involved a date and a nap and three days straight of my kid shouting "MOM!  IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!" right in my face, our noses touching.  It was fantastic.  Also, everything I hold most dear happened to me in my twenties, so based on that empirical evidence, I have a sneaky feeling this last year of twentydom will be rrrrrrreal, rrrrreal good (roll those r's like arrrrriba).

Recently, our three-year-old beheld the Nauvoo Temple (which she sometimes mixes up with the state capitol, considering both are large and "fancy"), and she was furious that she didn't get to go inside.  I told her if she wants to, she can go when she's twelve.  Annnnnnd that was definitely met with a backwards flail and a desperate shriek of "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A DIFFERENT NUMBER???"  Why, indeed, child.  Why, indeed.

In other news, I have been working way way way way way too much.  You know how that can throw your life off balance?  Yeah, me too.  I like a fast-paced life but I suspect that the last month or so has been a tad out control. I suspect this because I've done things like, um, sleeping for 14 hours when given the chance (what?  6 PM to 8 AM isn't normal?), and also breaking down in tears in Super Target for no apparent reason.  What I prefer are those days where we just do what we want all day, and I don't get twitchy-eye.  Bring those back!  BRING THOSE BACK!  

Speaking of which, as snickettastic as I realize this sounds, there is a big fat difference between Target and Super Target, and as much as I love our interesting little corner of the Midwest, I sure wish we had a Super Target closer.  Annnnnnd I consider the fact that a within-driving-distance Costco is in the works as proof of divine existence. 

Confession: sometimes hipsters give me hives.

I hate to brag but I am an excellent mimic.  Excellent enough, in fact, that husband and I have taken to playing a game that consists of him asking me a question and me answering it as various people we know. Do we know a lot of the same people?  Then let's play it sometime soon!

Monday was Canadian Thanksgiving and therefore I (as a Canadian) celebrated by making fakeout Cafe Rio in the crockpot, and it was actually pretty good.  (That doesn't make sense, you say?  Fake rio for Canadian Thanksgiving?  Shhhhhhh.  Don't overthink it.  We are open-minded in the true north strong and free.  Just go with it.)  Thanks, Our Best Bites, for making it possible, and also delicious. 

this is getting ridiculous

What kind of goober blogs like thrice a year?  Sorry, Internets.  I do what I can and sometimes that isn't blogging, y'know?  We've been busy adventuring, and by adventuring, I mean:

• making the annual journey west that pretty much every Mormon anywhere else does. 

• On said trip, hanging out with piles of friends and fam.  Lunch dates with old friends and new friends!  Weddings!  Races!  Emergency root canals!  Napless children on rampages!  I'll leave the sordid details out but in sum, it was delightful but a whirlwind and one of those vacations you need a vacation from at the end.  Especially when at the end, you find out your flight is way delayed and spontaneously decide to drive home instead! My sweet mother came home with me to watch our kids while I went to a youth camp for teen girls.  Turns out she was one of a dozen grandmas who came from Utah that week to be on babysitting duty for camp...maybe we should fit it into the church budget? Just an idea.

• Speaking of camp, it was in Boone, Iowa.  At first I thought that was a slang way of saying it was super far away, as in, "Oh, yeah, it's all the way out in boon!" but it turns out Boone is an actual place.  I know this because I spent four days and three nights there and we're all still recovering.  BAHAHA!  It was such a great time and by great I mean hot and humid and fun and funny.  I haven't been to Girls Camp since I was a teenager  myself and if you're wondering if IT has changed at all, the answer is no.  If you're wondering if I'VE changed at all, the answer is yes.  But I still went down the waterslide 17 times due to my awesomeness.  Also, I'm still trying to decide if I slept better on the wet ground than I do at home with small children waking up all the time.  Would you rather be INTERRUPTED but COMFORTABLE, or UNINTERRUPTED but UNCOMFORTABLE?  These are the questions that try (wo)men's souls.

• Being so friendly I freak myself out.

Also, I forgot to tell you that I got a newfangled phone that can do things like connect to the Internet.  I realize I'm like half a decade behind on this, but it's pretty handy.  Greater love hath no man than this, that he transfereth his phone upgrade to his wife.

Annnnnd that's the latest here.  How about you?

on my mind and therefore my blog

Hello, internet friends!

• I appreciate the "Did you die?" concerns I've gotten from a few buddies over my recent lack of blogging. Two responses:  (a) Thanks for noticing my absence and  (b) Fret not!  I'm here and aliving and thriving, just busy chasing my kids around and being awesome, both things I specialize in and both things that have lately left little time and emotional energy for e-raging and e-yapping and so forth.  I often feel like my downtime is better suited to consumption than production at this stage, know what I mean?
   

• I mention working with teen girls at church all the time, but let's face it, it's a big part of my life, and it's my blog, so don't fight it, just love it.  So the 2011 YW/YM Theme is the whole 13th article of faith, which I find fascinating (but that's another post).  Question: what does "we believe all things" even mean??  

• I have seen this half a dozen times in the last few days so just need to check.  You know all the people in the world who write "Voila" as "Wah-lah!" or "Vwa-lah!" or "WaaaaLAA!"?  Are they doing it to be funny and ironic or are they serious?  I can't tell.

• There are few things better in this world than a good book club.  Husband and I recently made an imaginary book club roster full of different people we've known throughout our marriage, and they are different ages and in different locations so it's unlikely to materialize until we figure out that Beam Me Up Scotty machine I dream of, but just imagining it delights me. 

• I have a lot of awesome friends, e-friends and in real life friends and in town friends and out of town friends and family who are also friends and so forth, so my dear, dear friends of the past/present/future, know that I love you and don't feel left out when I say this but...
• (SWEARWORD ALERT) I went to law school with a kickass group of girls and I miss them:  smart, witty, hilarious, interesting, diverse, just all-around fantastic.  SO many of them have been on my mind, as they rock awesome jobs or go to more school (yikes) or find love or are heartbroken or get married and/or reproduce and, wow, just what a cool, cool crowd.  It kind of bums me out that I got so much of their love and support through my own personal milestones during law school (e.g., marriage, pregnancy, baby) and now piles of them are doing those things and I don't get to reciprocate, you know, the oohing and ahhing and just general sympathy or excitement and merriment.  And I feel like I would appreciate their coolness even more at this point in my life! Sigh.

• As you may know, I'm a tad scattered at times (though I prefer terms like "creative genius" or "free-thinker") so have been perusing a few organization books, several of which mention a LAUNDRY SCHEDULE.  What??  Is that a thing?  That people DO?  Seriously?

• Recently, our 2-year-old pranced around for a few minutes, her hands cupped over her ears, and looked at me sneakily before whispering, "I'm pretending my hands are my earrings!"  What?  I love that kid.

ich bin stumped

As usual, I have some rage to share, so brace yourself.  My friend Wendi calls these grumblings "coin-pursing it" like an old lady opening her coin purse and saying "Kids these days!"  But hey, it's my blog and I do what I want.

Know what inspires me?  A good book.  THE good book.  Kindness.  Humor.  A great example of selflessness and/or productivity.  My fam and kiddos.  New democracies.  A good visit full of controversy and interruption.  An awesome book...did I say that already?  I could go on all day.

Know what doesn't inspire me?  Random stuff you hang up on the wall.  And chairs.  And wallpaper.  And so on.  Is it pretty?  Yes.  Is it cool?  Sometimes.  But it's also just a thing, the only purpose of which is to sit there for people to behold it.  So I am puzzled and a little saddened when I bump into blog after blog and snicket after snicket saying stuff like "That pillow is so INSPIRING" or "your living room INSPIRES me" or "design INSPIRES me" or "that self-portrait of you sipping out of a straw at some restaurant is so INSPIRING" or "your bangs INSPIRE me" or "the new kid's line at this store is so INSPIRING."  Seriously?  Those are pieces of children's clothing, not Mother Theresa. 

I kind of get it, because of course, everyone likes to go out to eat, and to find a cool trinket once in a while.  But those are things you do now and then as a side dish to the main course of your actual life.  WE ARE GROWN UPS.  It seems like we should things to do, like BE grownups, and realize that a lamp is a lamp, not headline news and definitely not "inspiring."  IT IS A LAMP.  Maybe it's cool, and we can high-five you for finding a cool lamp, but it is not a show-stopper.  It is for lighting up the room.  No?  Our whole life can't (and shouldn't) be primping and getting dressed and decorating your house, right?  It's fun and everything, but those are things you do TO FACILITATE living the rest of your life, you know, being a decent friend/spouse/parent/sibling/neighbor, working at your job, doing all the unglamorous but productive or at least necessary stuff like wiping bums and tables and comforting people or making beds and whatever else, contributing to society, reading a book, doing some basic grown-up critical thinking, blahblahblah.  And I guess I can kind of see how a cool painting or something really arty is inspiring if it motivates you or sparks something in you, but that's actual art, or real design, not a trendy rug or whatever.  I am totally puzzled by all of the stuff I've seen lately about people being "inspired" by "design," which seems to be code for "I don't have real hobbies or interests so I shop."

Agree?  Disagree?  Am I missing something that would make all of this make sense to me? 

Grumble, grumble.

Addendum 11/5/10: I think creativity is cool, and I realize this tone is a little harsh.  I am pro-creativity.  I just think stuff is taking over the world and the internet and our thoughts and our hearts and our time, at the expense of more important and more substantive things.  And my rage is directed less toward actual designers and more toward those who spend a lot of time and energy on hypothetical redecorating or other stuff that bugs me.

bar none

Hello friends and internet. May I ask you a favor? I took the Utah bar exam last year, and then we moved, and I am taking the bar exam of our new state in the great Midwest so I can hold myself out as a lawyer.

(Timeout: "holding yourself out" is one of my favorite awkward phrases. It appears often in the law in subjects like common law marriage, e.g., "holding themselves out as husband and wife," or ethics, e.g., "holding yourself out as an expert," and its perhaps obvious meaning is a person purporting to be something. But "holding yourself out" just makes me picture me holding a smaller version of myself in the air a la Simba from the Lion King and shouting "Behold! I! Am! A lawyer!")



Anyway, what I'm trying to get to is this: If I ever mention that I'm thinking about taking another bar exam, I want you to stage an intervention. And if the intervention doesn't go well, shoot me.

Thanks.

Unrelated comment: being a parent is my favorite thing I've ever done. Our girls (a two-year-old and a six-month-old) had their first long, loud, deliberate giggle-back-and-forth exchange in the car the other day and it may have been the sweetest thing I've ever, ever heard. I sense much mischief in their future and I like it.

Moving on. I have a horrible, horrible, cannot-think-or-sleep-as-my-head-is-pounding toothache. Pretty sure it's bc I haven't been to the dentist since we got married due to lack of dental insurance (whooooops). This is particularly unfortunate timing considering the whole enormous test next week phenomenon, so yes, a dentist is squeezing me in today because if I have to take the bar with the right side of my head pounding I will cry. And also fail. But I'm pretty sure it's bad news, because I can't think of anything good they will tell me about a throbbing tooth/jaw/eyeball/side of face ("Congratulations! It's throbbing due to GOLD NUGGETS! LOTS AND LOTS OF GOLD NUGGETS!") and I suspect it will cost a fortune.

Let us pray. And floss.

i can't e-shut up lately

• For Easter celebrating, I bought myself a chocolate bunny at the dollar store but can't bring myself to eat it now that I've noticed it's "milk chocolate flavored." Flavored. It's not even milk chocolate. Flavored WHAT--wax?? Shudder. Oh, Dollar Store, simultaneously so disgusting and so handy.

• Lesbian moms are friendlier than non-lesbian moms. Every time I go to the park or other public place where parents abound, I find this to be true. Why is this?

• "Fan us on facebook" is an absurd and horrible phrase. How is this becoming common? Sounds like Cleopatra eating grapes while someone fans her with large leaves. BEING a fan of something is not the same as FANNING something. Normally I don't mind verbing nouns but this fanning business is a line I cannot cross and hope to maintain any linguistic integrity.

• I distrust anyone with over 1,000 facebook friends. Something is fishy. If you have more than that, you're either fictional or you need to have a friend cleanse, because that is weird and overwhelming.
  

• Speaking of things that make me suspicious...I also distrust people who mention their clothing size in conversation, people who compare stuff to Hitler, people who take a lot of pictures of themselves, and people who never eat dessert. How about you?? Anything that immediately makes you suspicious?

• Conversely, I find myself immediately feeling more favorable toward those who don't mind dropping the occasional casual swearword, people who are nice to my children (even in passing, e.g., the stranger who smiles when my kid shouts "HI, BIKE!"), people who have uncomplicated hairdos, and people who appreciate a good fountain drink. How about you? Anything that immediately makes you feel good about someone?
  

Thank you for your time.

get v. don't get

Things I get:

• Libraries. It's like the store, but free, so better. Word has reached me that due to budget problems, Philadelphia shut down their public libraries this year. Is that the most horrible thing you've ever heard?
• Pregnawinters. Wintertime is a great time to be really pregnant because you just feel warm instead of enormous. I might take this back once the kid's here and I don't leave the house for months straight, but right now, it's pretty nice.
  
• Also, pregnancy in general. I know those of you who have a rough go of it don't want to hear this, but I'm still pretty comfy and can see why people do this a lot.
  
• I don't sing or really understand much about music but I really like it in Christmas programs when the congregation sings normally while the choir does something fancy and high. It sounds angelic and often lovely.
  
• Costco hot dogs. Is there a better way to spend $1.50? I know, I know, hot dogs are gross and bad, blahblahblah, but I had one the other day and it was delicious. And if you're wondering if I dragged a buddy on a 2-hour road trip for a Costco outing, the answer is yes. Hey, it's winter.

Things I don't get:

• Darling, in any form. "That is so darling!" "Darling!" "Love it! How darling!" WHAT? It makes my head hurt. Maybe for puppies or a brand new baby, but even then, what does it MEAN? MAKE IT STOP.
  
• How that freaking Hannukah song by Orrin Hatch is so painfully catchy. It's looping through my head to the point of painful.
• All the crap people sell to new parents. Remember the Sacajawea theory? I know I only have 1 kid in my uterus and 1 kid out so I don't claim to be an expert on this stuff, but my minimal experience tells me that YOU REALLY DON'T NEED ANYTHING. Well, a carseat, and diapers, and boobs. Okay, a basic pump if you want. Infant mobilizers? Diaper genies? Special pillows? Wipe warmers? (For anyone that thinks I'm kidding, THOSE ARE REAL THINGS. PEOPLE PAY MONEY FOR A CONTRAPTION THAT WARMS BABY WIPES. NOT A JOKE.) And though this is a separate topic perhaps for another day, I find it bizarre that a lot of marketing to moms, e.g., "We know what you busy moms need!" assumes little kids in diapers and strollers. Where is all the junk people peddle to moms of older kids? Will I discover that when I reach that point in life, or does corporate America just know that moms of older kids are less dupe-able?
• Ham sandwiches. I just don't know why you'd choose ham when there are so many other perfectly good meats out there to have in your sammich.
  
• Consent forms signed DURING LABOR. I took a too-long childbirth class at the local hospital last weekend (yes, I've given birth before, but I wanted a refresher and was hoping for a tour, though it turns out they aren't giving tours thanks to the flu) and my head almost exploded. In a horrible portion of the class that involved discussion of forceps, vacuums and c-sections (none of which I will mention EVER again bc I'm a hippie and all about POSITIVE BIRTH STORIES ONLY), the teachers kept saying "side effects and complications are rare but all mentioned in the consent form you'll sign if you need one." Granted I have a brand-new law degree and don't claim to be an expert on anything except certain types of bad TV, but HOW in the HELL are you in a position to give any type of "informed consent" WHILE IN LABOR, let alone after hours of labor and if your baby is in distress? I don't think you have to sign anything, but if you do sign something, is that in ANY WAY enforceable? Warning to those who will study/are studying/have studied law: IT MAKES US UPTIGHT.

That's it for now. How about you?

experimenting: perma-BAAA! & perma-boohoo

warning: rambles ahead. though really, what else is new?

I have this friend...let's call her Schmerin, to keep her identity safe. Long ago, people were often shocked to discover that Schmerin and I were friends, and they would say things like "You're FRIENDS with her? She HATES me!" But I knew she didn't hate them. This exchange occurred repeatedly. You know how most people default to reasonably friendly? As in, unless you have a reason to DISLIKE someone, you generally like them? Well, I realized that Schmerin defaulted to dislike, meaning unless she had a reason to like you, she seemed to dislike you. So the world (and by world I mean school) was full of people who thought Schmerin hated them when really she just had yet to interact with them enough to have a reason to like them. (Fret not; she later figured this out and adjusted her default position to something less socially awkward.)

Similarly, most of us have a neutral face or vibe that we send off when we aren't high on life or in the depths of despair. It's not awful, it's not thrilled, it's just NORMAL. Yesterday I met someone whose default position is high on life. Like, unless she has a reason to be down, she has an enormous frozen smile on at all times and shouts and claps her hands. She says her name happily, she says goodbye happily, she says "GREAT MEETING YOU!" the same way she would say "I WON THE LOTTERY!" or "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!" or "IT'S SO GREAT THERE'S PEACE ON EARTH."

I'm a happy person and many who know me may find ME overwhelming, so if I, the bombarder, am bombarded, that's really pretty impressive.

Sometimes I have this intuitive need to balance things out, i.e., if someone is a total bummer with permafrown and sigh, I end up louder/more animated/Tigger-esque in an effort to balance out their misery and get the room to a workable equilibrium. Similarly, if someone is smiling their brains out or bouncy or laughy or just generally sending off the stole-my-kids-ADD-meds-again vibe, I'll become the bummer just to even things out. So if you tone it down too many notches, I'll tone it up as many notches as necessary to bring the average in the room to a 5. Does anyeone else do that?

Anyway, this leads me to wonder what people who are THAT HAPPY all the time do when they ARE faced with a reason to be abnormally happy. You know? If you're using your "THEY CURED CANCER!" voice to say things like "CHICKEN IS ON SALE!", what do you use when they do, in fact, cure cancer? If you introduce yourself "HI! I'M AIMEE!!!" with the same voice you use for "YES! I WILL MARRY YOU AND THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!", how do you portray actual excitement as opposed to default excitement?

The opposite is also true, isn't it? If you are a total downer all the time (and we all know someone like this), monosyllabic in your responses with your eyelids at half-mast, what happens when something bad REALLY happens? You have nowhere to go from there, do you?

Anyway. All this is my way of saying that there is a part of me that just wants to poke bears with sticks, so to speak. Yesterday's frozen smile woman (I know this will shock you but she was teaching an aerobics class, further proving my suspicion than most aerobics teachers consume startling amounts of uppers) made me want to tell her something incredibly tragic just to see what she'd do. Is that bad?

affairs, MJ and pep talks, oh my!

I. John Dickerson had an interesting piece in Slate this week about South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford. I'm as jaded as anybody when it comes to politicians and affairs...at least, I thought I was, until the John Edwards story broke a while back. Call me naive but I was genuinely shocked and sincerely sad/disappointed. Sure, everyone else in national politics cheats on their wife, but JOHN EDWARDS? The handsome, polite, every-soccer-mom-had-a-swoony-celeb-crush-on-him advocate for the poor who lost his son in a car accident and has a smart, normal, not-size-2 wife and now has a couple of cute little kids and came from really humble beginnings? It really surprised me a) that he had an affair and b) that I was so affected by it.
Anyway, with the recent Sens. Ensign and Sanford (and everyone else) stuff it's easy to make jokes about politicians and affairs and the bizarre number of "family values" spokespeople who keep being destroyed by personal scandal. And I definitely like to make mean jokes. But this piece just made me think a bit about how people are people, even if they're famous. A relevant excerpt from the Slate article:

The snap judgments failed to acknowledge a grain of the fundamental human carnage we were witnessing. You can laugh at Sanford, as you can laugh at a video of a wrecked Amy Winehouse falling all over her house. But at some point, even though they did it to themselves, you have to feel sorry for them as human beings. You can do that, I think, and not be a fan of adultery or drug use.

Sometimes I just want to take a second and feel bad for people, even famous people who are obviously vulnerable and human and maybe slightly crazy. I mean, I'm crazy too, it's just not in the tabloids and I don't have to give a press conference explaining my crazy to the unforgiving masses waiting to twitter about it. Aren't you kind of crazy too? Maybe it's partially that I have the public figure/private figure NYT v. Sullivan defamation and libel stuff on my mind (thanks, First Amendment). Maybe it's that with the scandals and the King-o-Pop, there are a lot of (often hilarious) harsh jokes about those whose lives just ended or are falling apart. But on some level the bleeding heart in me thinks geez, we ARE all brothers and sisters, and I can and do and should feel bad for the poor Sanford family (even the dad who caused this mess) just like I can feel bad for poor crazy Michael and his nightmare of a childhood.
But really, I appreciated John Dickerson's article and the fact that a regular reporter would say "Back the train up, this is a PERSON," which is probably not easy in the world of journalism when it's about juicy headlines and skewering the vulnerable and the flawed. Anyway, I'm glad I ran into it and it caused me to really reflect on that for a while and want to hug everyone.

II. On a completely unrelated note, I ran into this article about supporting your kids' dreams a while ago. Maybe it was even on your blog! I can't remember. But it's given me a lot to think about, and I like it. Here's how it starts:

"I've changed my mind," said my 13-year-old daughter, Francie. "I don't want to be a lawyer anymore. I want to be in the FBI." I tried to imagine my daughter's bespectacled face staring back at me from the climbing wall at Quantico, but the image didn't come easily.
Still, I replied, "How cool is that?"
"Yeah," Francie said, arms folded in satisfaction. "It's going to be good."
I hope it is. I hope that her life turns out absolutely according to her dreams. If she doesn't quite hit the bull's-eye, then she'll still have aimed in the right direction.

Go read it and come back and tell me what you think, okay? We can have an internet book, I mean, article club about it. I like the idea of just being in someone's corner, not just with your kid but in life. If my kid wants to be an astronaut, she can be an astronaut. If my buddy sincerely wants to be a trash collector, she'll be the best damn trash collector around. Seriously. Who am I to pee on someone else's dreams!? There are plenty of Debbie Downers in the world and the last thing any of us need is a PARENT or FRIEND to be our Debbie. I like that when I think up something ("I want to start my own firm! No, I want to go back to school! No, I want to be a corporate bastard! No, I want to start an on-ramping program! No, I want to work on immigration! No, I want to build a barn and save up for a pony!"), my hub or mother or friend will often say, "Ooh, now you're thinking. You'd be good at that. We could make it work." If it's a dumb unworkable idea, I'll figure it out soon enough. It's just really nice and important to have someone that says "Hell yeah!" when you have an idea. What do you think?

p.s. If you need a pep talk from me, just let me know. I will happily counteract the bummer patrols in your life because guess what? You can do whatever you want.

puzzled

There are certain things that baffle me. As a people-watcher, I like to analyze behavior, and even when I disagree with someone, most of the time I can figure out where they're coming from. But there are a few things that confuse me and I just can't get to the bottom of them despite my constant ponderings between bouts of shouting at my property law review (if there is something more ridiculous than property law, whatever it is, I hate it) and scheduling lunch dates for my last week in Utah. If you do any of these things, or know and love someone who does, will you tell me why? Enlighten me! All of these puzzle me and I desperately need some insight.

• Grow as a transitive verb. ACK! As in, "Don't you want to grow your business?" or "Grow your audience." I cringe just typing it! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?? It sounds like weener-enhancement spam mixed with business school douchebaggery. For some reason, "Grow your business" sounds so much more barfy than "help your business grow." Why is this? And do you think "grow your business" is more or less aggravating than the surprisingly popular and grammatically baffling "Want to come with?"
  
• Taking pictures of food and blogging about it. I don't mean a pretty cake you made or a special occasion dinner. I mean, lifting fork to mouth with mouth wide open or an "mmm mmm" smile. WHY? WHY? WHY? I recently saw a blog post with a picture of just a plate with some smushy pancakes on it all gross and swimming in syrup and beneath it, all it said was "Breakfast." Why do people document their average meals? WHY!? I see posts like these at least weekly and remain totally stumped. Several questions: a) do people who take these pictures personally love that meal enough to want a record of it forever? We've each had a thousand meals just in the last year. Recording each one is both nonsensical and totally unsustainable. b) do people posting said pictures think their audience enjoys pictures of breakfast? Is there some sort of positive feedback that perpetuates this bizarre cycle? What is the motivation behind these pictures of half-eaten cheeseburgers and melted ice cream on some squished brownie? I'm just so confused by it. Also the drinking out of a straw pose. What IS that!?
  
• Homeschooling. Why does it happen? I'm not for it and I am not against it. I don't really have an opinion on it yet (shocked? I know!). I just don't really get it. Is it generally bc of pro-home feelings, or anti-public school feelings, or a combination of both? Did the parents have a bummer of a public school experience themselves so now they don't want to inflict it on their children? Or do they just think their kids are gifted? Or that regular teachers wouldn't teach their kids enough? And for parents (generally moms) who conduct the homeschooling, aren't you just pooped? Do you ever get 5 seconds for yourself? And once you homeschool, how do you decide when to make the switch to other-people school? And what if you don't remember how to do whatever you're supposed to be teaching them? It blows my mind. I am also baffled at the generational shift occuring: I only know weirdos who WERE homeschooled, but I only know normals that DO the homeschooling now, as parents. Of course, the kids my age who were homeschooled, welp, that was all like 20 years ago, and probably not a representative sample. Have the types of parents who homeschool gotten cooler? So it was the socially inept crowd in the last generation but in our generation, it's hip? Does this reflect your experience?
• Shops/boutiques that sell little girl hair bows. Seriously, do they make any money or is it a fakeout? There is NO WAY there is a market for TEN BILLION $2 hair bow businesses. Is there???
  
• I'm thinking a lot about cloth diapers. Landfills aside (and I fully support reducing waste), is it a pain in the butt? Is it really that much cheaper?
  
• Did I think in bullet points before law school or is this something I should thank J. Reuben for?

the latest

Isn't packing a pain!? Stuff multiplies exponentially in closets and it freaks me out. Good news: we did it! We got out of our place (thanks to my husband's dedication, his absurd physical exertion and the spacial sense of loved ones, oh and a little company called PODS) and are now relaxing. Well, not exactly. These days, I study for the bar while husband and cute baby play in the sun as we wait a couple weeks for the midwest expedition to begin. Some good things about moving:

• you get rid of a bunch of junk.
  
• you get to feel suicidal panic and triumphant relief on the same day.
• You feel like you make a fortune when you find all these clothes you forgot you had. Guess what else we found? $18.47 in change (thank you Coinstar), $20 in an old purse, $100 in mystery giftcards lying around (presumably from our wedding?)! So basically bc we moved out, we got $138.47! Does anyone know how many snow cones that is?! Or, more responsibly, how much of a future student loan payment that makes? ((celebratory shimmy))
  

In other news, studying for the bar is fun for the topics I had interesting and dynamic teachers for and enjoyed, but maddening for topics I either didn't take or may as well not have taken. Whoooooops.

Welp, in OTHER other news, I just want everyone to know that if you have a pet, that is great, but it is not your child, and when you buy a pet, it's not okay to announce "We're PARENTS!" and then complain to actual parents of young children about how hard it is to get up during the night. Unless you're nursing your new puppy, then maybe. But speaking of kids, if you're wondering if our daughter gets cuter and funnier every day, the answer is yes. In fact, right now she's swinging a baby doll around her head by its neck and cackling, and if that's not a sign of an awesome toddler I don't know what is.

Also, sometimes I eat at Del Taco and I LIKE IT. Can we still be friends?