Wednesday, September 23, 2009

click on the first line for a slew of church commercials

Yes, yes it is. I haven't had any of it in a long time and now I have tons. Not like I sit around making our 17-month-old massage my feet and feed me grapes. Taking care of our kid full-time while I grow another one isn't exactly free time, but it IS flexible time and more than I'm used to.

A law school friend once told me, "I don't want to have kids for a while because I need some ME time," which I didn't really understand but respected. I thought of it today as I realized that my whole life has been me time. Twenty years of school, and who has benefited so far? ME. Did I work? Yes. To pay for ME and MY life and MY stuff. Sure, I served a mission, but even that benefited ME and I went because I wanted to. ME ME ME. And law school is, in many ways, a very selfish period of time. Sure, it's an investment in the future (learn now so you can help later) but it's still ME ME ME ME ME.

And I've just always been over-scheduled, which has been fine but a little hectic. And now, as I enter this bizarre new period of my life, I'm just as busy but not as scheduled, so I'm up for random service opportunities in ways I haven't been before. Can I bring randoms dinner? You bet. Can I watch people's kids while they nap/take a class/recover from chemo? Sure. Not every day, of course. But I love that I'm not stretched too thin right now. That I don't have forty things hanging over my head. That I can wake up and think about what my kid needs from me and worry about HER and HER needs, and help others out here and there as everyday, last-minute stuff arises without hyperventilating or feeling crazy-frazzled.

I haven't been in this position before. It's new and temporary and I like it.

Am I an ever-helpful saint? Nope. And will it stay this way forever? Of course not. But I like that if my buddy's childcare plans fall through for the day, I don't shrug and wish I could help as I rush off to a presentation or class or a study group. I like that if someone needs dinner or a ride, I'm down, and I don't have to bail on anything pressing to do it.

Maybe in all my bustling around I've really been missing out. Anyway, this marks a shift for me, and I like it.



SO said...

Rubbing my chin and nodding knowingly.

I'm kind of in the same boat except I'm at the point where I have a pretty big block of time with the kids gone to school that I can call my own. I need to learn how to use that time more productively. Especially when it comes to helping others.

AzĂșcar said...

I'm a little jealous. I would like.

Brooke said...

You just gave me hope. Best post yet! I'm sure lots and lots of people are also really grateful.

SMGWinn said...

I loved this. Being a non-student for the first time in over 20 years freaks me out from time to time, and you hit the reason head-on: This is not 100% ME-time anymore (especially not with a 9-month-old). Thanks for sharing your positive perspective.

Kathy/mom said...

I'm so glad you are getting a little 'time'. I think we all get over scheduled and then don't really enjoy what we should be enjoying. Kudos to you for loving this stage in life-it goes by all too fast.