Farting in Public

My first year of college, a co-worker told me I was a 14-year-old boy trapped in an 19-year-old girl's body. I reflect on that comment often, and when I laugh so freaking hard at things like this, I guess I am. I beg you to watch til the end bc I thought the last half was the best...Admit it, you love it.

a serious, imposing profession

A little something I just discovered:

In an effort to do my part to recruit future law students of America, here is a sampling of the items available to those (like me, ahem) who accumulate a sufficient number of points online thanks to a certain national legal research provider:

The complete first season of MTV's Pimp My Ride....Rap superstar and car enthusiast Xzibit and car customization specialist Mad Mike take aim on clunkers on the road.

The complete third season of Golden Girls (only for pals and confidantes).

Note: For a mere 1800 points you can also get the 2nd season of Degrassi Junior High, and 3000 will get you a remote controlled fan. HOW CAN YOU RESIST THE TEMPTING WORLD OF LAW?

rain, etc.

Why is it that the day I decide to leave my car windows open a little is the day we have an enormous rainstorm? And why is this happens on the same day we read a case in contracts about a couple who tries to buy a new camper but "the windows had been left open so that the dining area cushions were soaking wet"?? And why is it that I have to sit in a big puddle and then walk around with a pee-your-pants-looking bum?

Mystery Man

You know when you meet someone, you say your name, shake their hand, and all the person says in response is hello, AND THE PERSON DOESN'T TELL YOU THEIR OWN NAME??? Why does this happen?

At church today, a man we'd never seen before approached us and said "How have you been??!" as though we were old friends. "Good news," he continued, "I'm your hometeacher! Can we come over today!?" Of course we said yes, and he was acting like we knew him, so even when we introduced ourselves, he just smiled and said nothing and now we're past the point where we can ask him his name without feeling like we have poop in the part of our brain that allows socially appropriate behavior.

So, all day we have been trying to figure out how to find out who this man is... and finally we succeeded. Your challenge: see if you can guess which of the following options we chose.

1. Said, "Some people call me Gurrbonzo. Now, what sort of nicknames did people used to give you??" and then acted natural as we listened intently for name hints.

2. Told stories in the third person until it rubbed off and he started doing it, too.

3. Said, "Let's go by first names. What's yours again?" and then scoured the ward list for people named Bob* (not his real name).

4. Asked for his phone number, then compared it with each number on the ward list until we found a match.

5. Put on nametags before he got here, then smiled when he showed up. "We think this makes everyone more comfortable," we said gently, then handed him a pen and watched him write his own nametag.

6. Asked our neighbors to watch out the window and then tell us who came over.

7. "Did you bring your scriptures? Are they engraved? May I see them?"

8. "No way! Are you seriously 45!? You look 30! I can't believe it! Let me see your license!"

a weapon typically consisting of a long, straight or slightly curved blade with one end pointed and the other fixed in a handle

Just read People v. Luparello for criminal law where in 1987 a man visited a friend of his former lover's husband to find out where the ex-lover lived, and when the friend didn't tell him, he came back the next evening with a gun and a sword.

Seriously.

Anyone else think this headline is funny?

"Grand opening today for homeless apartment complex."

Way out in the country past the city limits sign...

What I am about to say will make everyone reading this jealous, so go ahead and brace yourself.

Ready?

If you're wondering if Andrew and I chaperoned a tri-stake dance this weekend, the answer is yes. A little wholesome "shake it, don't break it, took your mama nine months to make it" fiesta with the teachers and mia maids is everything it sounds like, and more.

Three things to mention:
1. Direct quote from DJ: "This dance, first choice goes to...everyone with Irish ancestry!"
2. Butcher paper shamrocks AND pass-a-long cards were pinned to the wall.
3. The Macarena and boot scootin boogie transcend generational boundaries.

no kidding.

Why the hell do you call meetings "mandatory" when they're actually turd-atory?

Today, my class-less Thursday (note: this means no classes held, not disheveled, undignified, or a society in which no socioeconomic distinctions exist) was foiled by a surprise mandatory meeting. Okay, not a total SURPRISE meeting, since they notified me of it in August (yes, in August, about a meeting in March. Effective.) But still. AND one of my professors scheduled a makeup class, AND we had some negotiations competition stuff, so essentially I spent 10 AM - 7 PM at the law school on a day that had, until recently, held the promise of being LSF (law-school free). sigh. Anyway, in this meeting, I learned that each week of the summer I will be emailing a professor a little something called a "reflective thinking exercise." I know that right now you're thinking, hey, isn't that the contest in elementary school where you can write a story about giraffes and/or a song on your recorder about sharing and win a trophy? No, not THOSE kinds of reflections, but yes, just as age-eleven appropriate.

Also, today my friend Rachel called my class on ancient law, "the Jew class."

Things I love

Inspired by Ziz and Mitchell, a list:

Things I love
1. Andrew
2. cracking up with the fam
3. reading the paper
4. the grass smelling stuff we got as a gift to add to the laundry
5. sleeping in, or at least knowing I can wake up when I want, or at least not setting the damn alarm
6. reading a good novel in the sun
7. watching bad TV with someone who gets why it's funny (like IDENTITY!)
8. handwritten mail with my name on it
9. reading about Alma and Amulek and the Anti-Nephi Lehis
10. a round of ping pong where we just laugh and visit and don't keep score. Usually but not necessarily involved: Forever in Blue Jeans.
11. having people over
12. roadtrips without a schedule
13. a nice big fountain drink mixed however I want
14. receiving a text message when one of my buddies sees a ridiculous customized license plate (recent examples include, "SOINLUV" "LTHRBOY" "SHNIAFAN" and "BIGONJC")
15. playing catch with those wiffle ball things at the park
16. SPRING. Even if it just reminds me that other people get to go outside.
17. new shampoo
18. lunch dates, especially when they last an hour longer than we'd planned
19. a champion surprise (snow days, class cancelled, deciding to take a last-minute trip, finding $5 in an old coat pocket)
20. a good storm (as long as I'm by a window in a blanket)
21. making up clubs
22. old friends
23. new friends
24. babe-ing up for a hot date
25. ugly dancing dance parties
26. not being called on. But, IF called on, being prepared AND making sense when I get grilled for 20 minutes.
27. anything mischieveous (mongoosing, double-lining, non-mean practical jokes)
28. labeling voicemails to friends "urgent and confidential"
29. doing the windmill with anyone but especially Andrew since he is a great size for it (note: the windmill involves walking next to someone and then flipping their arm up so it is suddenly around you. Try it today!)
30. doing the turtle with anyone but especially Andrew (this is particularly effective after a prayer, when you are kneeling next to each other, and just roll over so your back is squishing the other person's back, and then you yell "I'm a turtle! I'm a turtle!" and wave your arms and legs. Try it today!)
31. when I do something awkward that I think is hilarious but that makes everyone else uncomfortable (i.e., every effing day at the law school)
32. studying hard for a test and then (gasp!) actually knowing (some of) the answers
33. teaching someone something and watching it click for them
34. freshly clipped nails
35. Raisinettes

forget the comfort zone

In the last week I have been trying to spice up my life and do things that are scary. Three scary interviews, oral arguments, a hip hop class, and even doing an embarrassing hum-while-clicking variation of Take Me Out to the Ballgame for the law school talent show...and the moral of the story is that when you do scary things, you get cooler. Seriously. I mean, look how cool I am.