Wednesday, March 05, 2008

feline AIDS is the number one killer of domestic cats

Meet Debbie Downer.

You know, the person who manages to take every opportunity in a conversation to be an enormous downer and makes you want to pound your head into the wall. Doesn't matter what you say, or what anyone else says, a good Debbie Downer will bum everyone out by talking only miserable talk. What bright side? To Debbie, there IS no bright side. You've seen the hilarious skits about how Debbie manages to throw something somber into every conversation, talking about high divorce rates at weddings and mad cow disease at the family dinner table before a sad trombone noise comes in (waaa, waaaa) and we get an up close and personal shot of her sad face. Watch more here.

Anyway, real life Debbie Downers are the best. Interacting with them is pretty funny in general, but especially funny when you are very pregnant and you have conversations with Debbie Downers that involve the following statements (please note that all these statements have ACTUALLY BEEN MADE TO ME, by several people, over the last few weeks, and the best part is that none of these Debbies even have kids):

DD: Ugh (looking me up and down). You must be MISERABLE.
Me: You know, I'm actually still feeling great. Maybe the miserable part's still coming, but I'm not uncomfy yet. I've had a great pregnancy.
DD, with a grimace: Ugh. How are your stretch marks? And are you still pretty confident you can handle all of this?

(bwahaha! Where should I take this conversation? "Nope, forget it. I better throw in the towel. Thanks for talking me out of being 8 months pregnant. " WTF. You know, I DO have a really hard know, a champion husband, a healthy body, a supportive fam, a great education, a place to live, decent insurance, etc....WHOA. Now that I think about it, no one has ever had a baby in harder circumstances. WHAT AM I THINKING???)

DD, with a knowing nod (even though she has no kids):
Wow. That baby's gonna be EXPENSIVE. Hope you guys can afford it.
Me: (awkward laugh) Well, she'll eat for free for a while, so that'll help out.
DD: I guess it just depends on your baby. She'll probably be colicy. Hope she doesn't have tons of health problems. You just never know.


DD: How much longer do you have? (as though I'm about to go to jail and these are my last 30 seconds of freedom and fresh air)
Me: Well, we'll see! Another month or so. I guess she'll join us whenever she's ready.
DD, with a grimace: EVERYTHING will be different. EVERY. THING. I guess I'm just not ready to give up my whole life and identity yet. And it totally ruins your body.
Me, laughing politely: Well, I figure it's a small price to pay. Big bum vs. new member of our family, you know? I'm happy to fatten up a little to bring a new little life into the world.
DD: Yeah, I guess. I hope you took a good long look in the mirror before you got pregnant, because your body will NEVER. BE. THE. SAME. (insert sad trombone).

Me, to a fashionable Debbie Downer:
Hey! Look how cute you are!
DD, touching my stomach: And look how huge you are.


Justin & Kamie said...

Are you for real??

I would have thought being in the land of milk and honey (aka. Provo/BYU) you wouldn't have gotten these comments....but seriously now, how are your stretch marks?

I mean, who asks these questions??

Also, can I start following you around with a trombone? Don't answer right away, just think about it.

gurrbonzo said...

hahaha! Yes, yes, these are all true stories. Of course, these comments are the exception, but the nice supportive ones aren't nearly as funny. let us relish the debbie downers in all their glory.

Anonymous said...

It seems you run into more than a few people who are half scared to death to settle down, and have sad that they are not yet married with kids.

Yes I know that this does describe ever single person in law school.

I really think that you need to have a personal trombone player for sound effects. It would be especially great in class so that someone could play triumphant entrance of a king riff when a good answer is given or the horse neigh when appropriate. This might actually be funnier than some of the comments actually made by the teacher.

megandjon said...

seriously, kathleen! who are you hanging out with? if these are tiny little byu types, you need to insert some major religious guilt trip answers. i mean, i hate guilt trips, but these girls need to remember that HF did not send them here specifically to "look SO GOOD!"

ok, maybe i'm getting a little preachy and ranty. (yes i made these words up!) i love your sense of humour about this! they should be so lucky as to be knocked up by a hottie, supportive, funny, loving husband like you (and me!) are!

Jay said...

All are lies. Your life doesn't change that much... it does get better- like life should. Jessica just had our baby two weeks ago and she looks great. Plus, my sister has had four kids and looks great. Deputy Downers are just lame

Ashley is Blogalicious! said...

That is funny. People say the best things ever, eh?

The Husband said...

The funny thing is that these are only like 1/4 of the offensive comments my dear wife has heard lately.

How about the people who complain about how parents/law students (please note the order of those classifications) bring their children to school and sometimes their young ones murmur when they're in class. The shame! What a burden people like you soon will be are for the entire law school.

Funny that the one way in which BYU is actually progressive towards women's issues is the one way that some women bitch about.

Listen to Jay. And "Deputy" Downers is almost cooler than "Debbie Downer." They must be like Debbie's friends. Or maybe we could call male Downers "Deputy Downers."

Thanks Jay!

Cahokia said...

clicked over from Nikki's blog...I sincerely hope all these DD's weren't the SAME person...if so, you need a new friend! LOL

Anna said...

I am sure every DD is just one of those bitter, lonely, cat lovers who wish their bodies would grow another person. And by that I mean single, sad girls who wish they had a man to make a baby with.
Props for procreating Gurr! :)

tickiworld said...

I get those comments a lot, too! But mostly I get sympathetic looks, like "hmmm, poor thing has no idea what's in store." Unfortunately, I don't let these comments roll off my back so, I am officially SCARED OUT OF MY MIND.

But the whole "your life will bever be the same" comment makes me want to poke people in the eye.

I'm glad you had an easy should carry my next one for me. I'll pay you in peanut butter.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunetly, this won't stop after you give birth. People will just make comments on how good of a mother you are. Whaa, whaaa.

Danielle said...

As always I enjoyed the blog until I was reading the dialogue and noticed the disparaging comments were coming from "DD"--problem being those are MY initials and I couldn't remember ever saying those things to you! Yeah, I need to work on my reading comprehension. Hardy har har.

Mrs. Clark said...

There is no doubt that your life changes forever--but in fantastic, mind-expanding and faith-expanding ways. The love you have for your children is totally different than any love you've felt for anyone before. It's hard, true--especially the all-nighters with a newborn--and there are times it exhausts you physically, mentally, and spiritually. But there is really no other way you can glimpse a little of what godhood is like; family life is the perfect laboratory for gods and goddesses in embryo!

Still-you seem to run into the most obnoxious people ever! I don't remember that many negative comments (except from my mother, who still makes them, 24 years after my first was born) but maybe I'm just brassier less tolerant than you!


Supalinds said...

Do people really say those things out loud. I heart morons :)