gurrbonzo: Pure Gold

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Pure Gold

I know all I'm blogging about lately is baby...don't worry, I still do things like go to law school, watch LOST, attend Relief Society, surf the Internet, you know, the Important Things in Life. So I'm trying to stay balanced. But this post has given me the heavy duty giggles....

turns out all our kid needs is boobs. "Everything else is just marketing."

11 comments:

Anonymous said...: That is the truth, although, you probably should get some diapers too. You know, just in case.; 10:48 AM
Fun Fantastic Family said...: A warning to andrew- whenever i change our baby's diaper, she decides to shat right onto my hand all the while my wife is laughing in the background.

Also, a breast pump is definetly the best thing ever invented.; 11:42 AM
Andrew said...: Thanks for the heads-up, Jay. I'll invest in some dishwashing gloves, or something.

Though I hear a breast-fed baby's poop isn't too bad...; 12:56 PM
Supalinds said...: Wow Jay that is some good advice. Do you use the breast pump yourself?; 2:54 PM
Kamie said...: Your blog comments are talking about breast fed baby's poop...hee hee hee.

And I loved that blog on sweet juniper. I read it yesterday and thought it was awesome.

I know what I'm getting you for your baby shower.....Sacajawea.; 3:07 PM
Katie M. said...: where where WHere did you find that website, Kathleen? Hilare indeed.

BTW, are you going to send out baby announcements with those awesome pics of you (like the one below?)? I think you should....let me know what you think..:)

Come out baby, now!!; 3:48 PM
Anonymous said...: breast-fed baby's poop may smell better but it is runny, runny, runny and therefore impossible to contain in a diaper, no matter how skillfully attached to your child. my life got much easier once i had to supplement with formula and the baby's poop became more solid.

and, fyi, oxyclean works wonders on orange poop stains. i'm sure even sacajawea could have used some of that.; 3:50 PM
Fun Fantastic Family said...: I also reccoment the oxy-clean and yes babys poop isn't as bad as... well... mine, but its still pretty bad...and runny.

and Lindsay- do you really want to know the answer to that?; 7:53 PM
gurrbonzo said...: This breastfeeding/feces conversation is NOT happening, is it?; 8:11 PM
Anonymous said...: no offense but, no matter how hard you try to go to law school, watch LOST, attend relief society, surf the Internet, and do the Important Things in Life, your life is about to become VERY focused on breastfeeding/feces. sometimes it might even be about how to avoid getting feces on you while breastfeeding. so, sorry babe, we are just getting you warmed up.; 11:15 PM
Lola said...: you watch LOST? So good . . . I'm excited for tonight . . . Who is on the boat? I think it is Michael . . . Anyway, yay for LOST.; 1:32 PM

Quotable Quotes, or, tidbits from me life.

My professor, about people having their babies at home: Home delivery is for pizza.

Me, about Prof: I LIKE his wavelength; I'm just not on it.

Student: I don't think so.
(long pause).
Prof: No, you DO think so.

"I wish I had the opportunity to HAVE a sexual quality of life." -- student responding to survey

"I should cut up my credit cards.
(long pause)
Of course, then I would starve." -- Student

"Are you getting a manicure in my courtroom? What the hell are you doing?" Judge/Prof, to student clipping nails

"He covered everything but his 1990 colonoscopy. Good example of a bad speech. Everyone wants to go home, so unless you're awfully funny, keep it brief." -- Prof

"I'm not opposed to playing games. If you want to play solitaire, bring a deck of cards." -- Prof

"If you want to spend time with your young children, you have to do it when they're young." -- Chief Justice Roberts

Student: That doesn't jive very well with the second article of faith, punishing people for their parents' transgressions.
Prof: Yes, oh holy one.

"For expert witnesses, there are 2 requirements: must have gray hair, and must have hemorrhoids to convey the proper level of concern." -- Prof

"I represented a prostitute, and some of her activities were highly aerobic." -- Prof

"I lock my car. Do you know why? Because I have contraband." - - Prof

"You can either finish law school and write patents at home 1 hour a day, while your little one scribbles on the walls with permanent marker, or you can strap your baby to your back and wash floors with a dirty mop in the early morning and late evening. You decide." --Friend, telling me not to quit

"The children of lawyers who don't read footnotes will STARVE." -- Prof

"You know what’s great about a new day? It’s a new day, full of new opportunities for rejection. I mean, WHO KNOWS who might reject me today?” -- Student, about the job hunt.

"Every time I read an opinion by Justice Breyer, I think of ice cream, and then I want some." -- Student

"I don't want a job. I want a life plan. I need direction!" -- Student.

"They met at a Communist party get together. Not exactly the wardhouse, but still pretty romantic." -- Prof

"He thought he might be the father, because they had sort of an intimate relationship...well, not sort of." -- Prof

"The federal government appreciates love. They understand it." -- Prof

"You never tell your clients to lie. That's unethical. You say, 'Well, here is a potential, credible story that we hope is true.'" -- Prof

"When you get caught speeding, don't say 'I'm sorry.' Say, 'IF I was speeding, I am sorry.' ADMIT NOTHING." -- Prof

"It's true. You can google it on the Internet." -- Prof

"Let me give you a hypothetical. Jesus goes to law school, graduates, what does He do? Criminal prosecution or defense? That's right, he's defending these monsters. He's a defense attorney. That's my gospel insight for the day." -- Prof.

"This is my job. I'm just trying to do my job, and you're giving me a hard time. I don't give you a hard time with your job. I just order my burger and fries." -- Prof to smart alecky student

"It's just one more way he's found to shame me."
--Student, about Prof

"In a couple of days, you're going to wish this distinction didn't exist." --Prof

"I can't concentrate when it's snowing, dammit."
--Student, when asked a question in class

Prof: "And what did the court say about that?"
Student: "They didn't mention it."
(awkward pause)
Prof: "Actually, it's italicized. Hahaha!"

"Punitive damages are un-freaking-predictable, but it's the consumer's way of saying 'corporate America, you can't screw me over.'" -- Prof

"I'd like to reward attendance and good preparation, but it's a crapshoot, after all." --Prof, explaining grading policy

"I don't know if any of you have neighbors with vicious boars, but if you do, you should probably move." --Prof

Student A: The thing speaks for itself, don't you think?
Student B: Then I want to know what the hell it's saying.

Student: I would think so.
Prof: You would THINK so???
(awkward pause)
Student: But I would obviously be wrong.

"My wife tells me it's harder to actually give birth than to encourage someone to give birth." -- Prof

Student: I give up.
Prof: Actually, only I get to decide when you give up.

"I think most people who work for the government are lazy, because I've been to the post office." -- Student

"I made the mistake of going out to lunch. I've seen the sun. I've tasted freedom." -- Student

"Imaginable in a common sense sort of way, not imaginable in a science fiction sort of way." -- Prof

Prof: Ready? You've had 19 minutes to think about this.
Student: I know. I advanced a level on Warcraft.

"I know you hate me, because I made you read pages we didn't get to. I hate me too." -- Prof

"Don't go there. We have a chart on that that's gonna give you a rash." -- Prof

Prof: Passover is coming! Have you been thinking about it?
Student: No, Ive been busy preparing food for it all week.
Prof: Your excuse fails, because the law requires the lamb to be boiled not roasted, so it must be done quickly. Your excuse fails like the little boy who lost his CTR ring."

Student: Can you clarify consequential and incidental damages in this case? It's a little fuzzy.
Prof: Let's just not.

Prof: Now, I want to go back to this student, because he's the one that said thou shalt not kill.
Student: Well, God said that, I quoted it.

"An accumulation of bad choices will make you into a bad lawyer and therefore a bad person." -- Prof