Sunday, March 16, 2008

whirlwind weekend

Imagine this past weekend with me.

Let's say you're 8.5 months pregnant, so attending a little shindig affectionately called "Law School Prom," aka Barrister's Ball, involves a lot of de-frumping effort, but thanks to concerned friends and family, you band together and everyone babes you up a little for the occasion. And at this fancy-pants affair, you know you're in Provo when a certain Mormon boyband begins performing. You watch several of your professors nod to the beat and mouth the lyrics.

To top things off, let's say you receive a nice award for winning a nerdy competition earlier in the school year. The presenter neglects to mention that the award you're receiving is related the competition and instead tells the life story of the woman the award is named after, saying that she lit up a room, died a young, tragic death and that rarely does anyone face such grave challenges with such grace and optimism. He talks about what a tragedy she was faced with a debilitating illness so young, then invites you forward.

Based on this, a number of your classmates think you just won the dying student award and/or that you are deeply troubled.

The next day, you go on a tour of the hospital where you are about to birth your first child. You gawk at all the pregnant women and marvel as the tour guide explains that they have ipod hookups and VIDEO GAME hookups in each room (wtf), not to mention free fountain drinks on each floor. You get rage and want to scream, "YOU KNOW I CAN'T HAVE DIET COLA AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE." Bastards.

You then attend a rockin' baby shower thrown by a dear old friend with tasty treats, tons of adorable baby stuff and of course, outstanding company, and a weird but wonderful assortment of people from different parts of your life. Woopwoop!
THEN, you attend a fundraiser for your favorite congressman, during which kind attendees share some timeless wisdom with your husband, including:
  • "THESE hormone changes are only the beginning. Just wait til 'the change' when she's angry AND forgetful."
  • "Girls are weird and have meltdowns. We don't have meltdowns; we get stuff done."
  • "Babies are amazing. It's in you, then next thing you know it's out and it's alive. (long, awkward pause) Don't think about it too long or it gets crazy."
Then, Sunday at church, the teacher spends a remarkable portion of classtime on the evils of "Three's a Company."


erin g said...

i don't think your hubby needs to worry too much about the hormone changes. actually, after i gave birth, i became totally clingy and madly in love with todd and couldn't stop apologizing for how cranky i'd been my whole pregnancy and couldn't stop telling him how much i loved him and begging him never to leave me. he loved it.

didn't last long. and i did cry a bunch once because baby and i were struggling with breastfeeding and i was convinced i was going to starve him. but that didn't last long either. you'll be fine.

and ok last year at the barrister's ball i was 8 months pregnant and had to take pictures with a bunch of really tall, really skinny people, and i was wearing red and they were all wearing black, and it was horrible.

Joel said...

Don Knotts = The devil

So it all makes sense. Only in the UC.

megandjon said...

whew! thanks for passing that warning along! in case i wake up one morning and find that i've been transported back 25 (?) years, i'll be sure to avoid that show!

and sounds like a fun weekend. mine was full of parties for husband's birthday, one right during your shower. we definitely need to meet up sometime instead!

tickiworld said...


YES!!!!! I can't wait to go into labor now. Oh, crap, but I'm in Florida and last I checked the nurses were bragging about their "new reclining chairs." I'm totally screwed.

Piglet 26 said...

HAHAHAHA---(pointing finger) pregnant girl at prom wins prom award...hahahahahaha

ahhh, such sweet memories of high school.

OHANA said...

What a weekend!! It sounds much more interesting and adventurous than our humbug movies and ice cream!! I love your thoughts.

Supalinds said...

Overheard crazy guy saying to pregnant Gurr and Husband at said fundraiser - "Instead of getting an amateur for a second wife why don't you go to Vegas and get a professonial."

There is no content in which this comment came from, which makes it extremely bizarre to begin with.

Mar said...

My question is did you get to take a nap during any of this because I would have been plumb tuckered out at only 5.5 months pregnant.

I loved Three's Company. Who is this charlatan preaching falsehoods?

Natalie said...

Can I spend a day with you? Your life is comical.

Andrew said...

JR (that's for "Jericho Road" for you novices) was definitely the highlight.

Meltin' the madness, fo' sho'.

Mrs. Clark said...

Haha! But I totally don't get why someone would spend time excoriating a really dumb 70s tv show during a Church lesson. After all the exhortations to not vary from the scriptures, etc...I even felt guilty for telling a brief story about Laura Ingalls Wilder during a RS lesson I taught!

Best way to pick your kid's due date: figure what day you got pregnant and count 40 weeks. I hit two out of three on the nose that way. My other one came three days early according to my calculations (turned out they were much more accurate than the doctor's). I hate the way they give you a due date, anyway. They should give you a due week!