Let's say you're 8.5 months pregnant, so attending a little shindig affectionately called "Law School Prom," aka Barrister's Ball, involves a lot of de-frumping effort, but thanks to concerned friends and family, you band together and everyone babes you up a little for the occasion. And at this fancy-pants affair, you know you're in Provo when a certain Mormon boyband begins performing. You watch several of your professors nod to the beat and mouth the lyrics.
To top things off, let's say you receive a nice award for winning a nerdy competition earlier in the school year. The presenter neglects to mention that the award you're receiving is related the competition and instead tells the life story of the woman the award is named after, saying that she lit up a room, died a young, tragic death and that rarely does anyone face such grave challenges with such grace and optimism. He talks about what a tragedy she was faced with a debilitating illness so young, then invites you forward.
Based on this, a number of your classmates think you just won the dying student award and/or that you are deeply troubled.
The next day, you go on a tour of the hospital where you are about to birth your first child. You gawk at all the pregnant women and marvel as the tour guide explains that they have ipod hookups and VIDEO GAME hookups in each room (wtf), not to mention free fountain drinks on each floor. You get rage and want to scream, "YOU KNOW I CAN'T HAVE DIET COLA AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE." Bastards.
You then attend a rockin' baby shower thrown by a dear old friend with tasty treats, tons of adorable baby stuff and of course, outstanding company, and a weird but wonderful assortment of people from different parts of your life. Woopwoop!
THEN, you attend a fundraiser for your favorite congressman, during which kind attendees share some timeless wisdom with your husband, including:
- "THESE hormone changes are only the beginning. Just wait til 'the change' when she's angry AND forgetful."
- "Girls are weird and have meltdowns. We don't have meltdowns; we get stuff done."
- "Babies are amazing. It's in you, then next thing you know it's out and it's alive. (long, awkward pause) Don't think about it too long or it gets crazy."