Thursday, May 24, 2007

Why my new job is better than yours

1. I do what I want. That's right, every day I scope out what's going on and do it if I want.

2. I get to hang out with kids who crack me up (for example, when the judge asks if they have any questions for me, they all raise their hands and yell things like "Do you have any pets??" and "What's your favorite animal??!")

3. I can have lunch dates whenever I please.

4. I learn not to do drugs or neglect my future children or yell obscenities at my husband. This makes him love me extra and not get mad when I order 14 books for S!R!E! online and never do the dishes or put away my laundry.

5. I get to make friends with the court reporters and then they show me their machines and teach me about court reporter school and spelling phonetically with only 16 keys, and no I don't care if that makes me sound like a 5th-grader on a field trip, because it's awesome.

6. I get to make friends with the officers who transport people from prison and show me their taser guns and how to pounce at a moment's notice.

7. It makes my husband think he's married to a grown-up.

8. So what if I don't get paid? That just means they don't own my butt the way your job owns yours.

1 comment:

Undomestic Ice Queens said...

Hi Kathleen,

This is KT; remember the time we took that LSAT study class and you went on to law school while I took the easy road and chose Social Work? Well, let me update you on my life. I went to get some lame-ass MSW degree, dropped out because it sucked, and now I take money from rich people, which is a much better career path for me than trying to change the world. Anyway, I've read your blog ALL DAY LONG today. It's the funniest damn thing I've read in a long time. Thank for 1. Being funny and entertaining me today and 2. Introducing me to dooce, equally funny.