Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Reading Rainbow was right....we CAN do anything!

Today at my new job (and when I say job I mean place I hang out for free), I learned that when the government decides if someone's disabled, as in, disabled enough to receive Social Security, they take a look at whether they can do any of the following "unskilled sedentary occupations." THIS IS NOT A JOKE. A few of my faves:

  • telegraph-service rater (Just like gymnastics...I liked that telegraph, but the landing was rough. 8.5!)
  • weave-defect-charting clerk (Mayday! Mayday! Crappy hairdresser alert!)
  • cutter-and-paster, press clippings (psst...ever heard of CTRL-C and CTRL-V? It's 2007)

  • scoreboard operator
  • nut sorter (this one looks like an uber-maniac...take him away! This one....hrmmm...medium psycho...)
  • cigarette-making-machine catcher (I don't know if it's catching the cigarettes or the machines, but either way, I like it)
  • egg processor (i thought those were called chickens.)
  • napper tender (code for baby-sitter?)

  • plastic design applier (The old ladies who put clingy hearts on their windows on Valentine's Day can get PAID for that?)

  • polisher of eyeglass frames (grandparents all over America could be making millions!)
  • lens inserter (wtf)

  • dipper of clock and watch hands (like Dairy Queen? With sprinkles?)
  • golf ball trimmer (WTF!)

  • finisher (OF WHAT? I finish a fountain drink each day...turns out that's a job)

  • buckle wire inserter
  • button reclaimer (Aha! Stand back! That's mine!)
  • sticker
  • puller through (Good news, perseverant Americans! Hang in there, and you'll get paid somehow).

Just take a minute to imagine any of those on a business card. Visit and click on 137 Unskilled Sedentary Occupations near the bottom for more info....

Turns out, if law school doesn't work out, I'll always have options.


OHANA said...

This is awesome, I knew there was a few things I missed to put on my resume.....plastic design applier. And yes I do get paid to do that!!!

Chris and Katie said...

Gosh. There goes my self esteem. i just applied yesterday to be a button reclaimer.

The Life And Independent Thoughts of Jacobs K. said...

Hahaha, I love this ... It's always been my life dream to be lens inserter or finisher!