Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Reading Rainbow was right....we CAN do anything!

Today at my new job (and when I say job I mean place I hang out for free), I learned that when the government decides if someone's disabled, as in, disabled enough to receive Social Security, they take a look at whether they can do any of the following "unskilled sedentary occupations." THIS IS NOT A JOKE. A few of my faves:

  • telegraph-service rater (Just like gymnastics...I liked that telegraph, but the landing was rough. 8.5!)
  • weave-defect-charting clerk (Mayday! Mayday! Crappy hairdresser alert!)
  • cutter-and-paster, press clippings (psst...ever heard of CTRL-C and CTRL-V? It's 2007)

  • scoreboard operator
  • nut sorter (this one looks like an uber-maniac...take him away! This one....hrmmm...medium psycho...)
  • cigarette-making-machine catcher (I don't know if it's catching the cigarettes or the machines, but either way, I like it)
  • egg processor (i thought those were called chickens.)
  • napper tender (code for baby-sitter?)

  • plastic design applier (The old ladies who put clingy hearts on their windows on Valentine's Day can get PAID for that?)

  • polisher of eyeglass frames (grandparents all over America could be making millions!)
  • lens inserter (wtf)

  • dipper of clock and watch hands (like Dairy Queen? With sprinkles?)
  • golf ball trimmer (WTF!)

  • finisher (OF WHAT? I finish a fountain drink each day...turns out that's a job)

  • buckle wire inserter
  • button reclaimer (Aha! Stand back! That's mine!)
  • sticker
  • puller through (Good news, perseverant Americans! Hang in there, and you'll get paid somehow).

Just take a minute to imagine any of those on a business card. Visit http://www.ssas.com/ and click on 137 Unskilled Sedentary Occupations near the bottom for more info....

Turns out, if law school doesn't work out, I'll always have options.

3 comments:

OHANA said...

This is awesome, I knew there was a few things I missed to put on my resume.....plastic design applier. And yes I do get paid to do that!!!

Chris and Katie said...

Gosh. There goes my self esteem. i just applied yesterday to be a button reclaimer.

The Life And Independent Thoughts of Jacobs K. said...

Hahaha, I love this ... It's always been my life dream to be lens inserter or finisher!