great and frantic

Have you seen this? The Great Frantic Novel. Not a joke. Basically, it's a polar bear club for aspiring writers. You know, like those maniacs who like to jump in cold water just because they can. Apparently, you can't start until November 1, and then it's a race against time as you try to write a 50,000 word novel finished by November 30.

Seriously.

That's a lot o pages. It sounds just absurd enough that I might dig it. Unfortunately, I'm booked for the next 2 Novembers thanks to J. Reuben. Maybe 2010.

Direct quotes: "The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations and take risks." "Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing."

The writer in me is freakishly tempted. I double dog dare one of you give it a whirl and let me know how it goes

My Life is Awesome

Monthly cost of a cell phone: $50.

The 1984 WHAM! hit ringtone: 99 cents.

Forgetting to put my phone on silent and hearing "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" coming out of my bag full-volume in a class of 50 people: priceless.

Bwahaha

THIS reminds me so much of some questions in law school (and students' responses to them) that I cried from laughs. Enjoy.

bus rage, continued

Dear Nose-picker from earlier this year,

Just wanted to thank you for grossing me out today. First, it was really thoughtful of you to get right up in my business and sit right next to me when there were plenty of other spots available. Second, how did you know that I desperately wanted to see your nasty BARE FEET? Thanks for TAKING OFF YOUR SANDALS, sitting cross-legged so that your cracked dirty toes and heel were staring right at me, and TOUCHING me when the bus turned periodically. Thanks for giving me athlete's thigh.

Sincerely,

Your biggest bus fan.

Some of you are SO DEMANDING....

My dear friend supalinds is the boss of me, and when she says "Jump!" I say "Okay, okay, don't run me over with your road bike or hit me with your wetsuit or run 26 miles in circles around me or in any other manner utilize your freakishly strong triathlete skills to cause me pain."

And she wants book suggestions. And that causes me to reflect back on a time in my life, a time where I could actually read for pleasure, before things like the Federal Rules of Evidence, criminal procedure, Moot Court, a 90 mile commute each day, immigration blah blah barfy blah took up all of my discretionary time.

I think I remember those days...

TOP FIVE BOOKS I READ THIS SUMMER:

1. The Glass Castle. I know many of you are aware that I haven't been able to shut up about it, but with good reason. It really rocked me and I have been thinking about it for months. So read it and then go to lunch with me so we can discuss it.

2. A Thousand Splendid Suns. A pretty decent follow up to the Kite Runner. I know, I know, some of you want to yell, "Eff the hype," but I bought the hype, and read it in one night, and those are my favorite reading-for-pleasure books, the ones you can't put down and read in a weekend whirlwind. The treatment of women is appalling, so you might have to de-rage a few times.

3. The Good Earth. An oldie but a goodie. Just finally read the 1930s Pulitzer Prize-winning tale and dug it. Haven't read the following two books in the trilogy but it stands just fine on its own. It's a bit of a downer, but I think most books are in their own way. If you like this, pick up Snowflower and the Secret Fan which has a similar style and theme.

4. A Girl Named Zippy. Hehehe. I told a friend it's "harmless" and it's really true. Nothing too deep or thought provoking, but just a clever happy childhood memoir, good light summer-to-early fall reading. If you have a porch swing, that would be a great place to read this. Wearing shorts. Having noodles and/or lemonade. And maybe a treat after.

5. A tie for Black Like Me and The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother. Both interesting racial commentary and very readable, and both true stories with first-person accounts of race relations in a different era. Also both easy reads that could happen in a few days. And sometimes easy reads hit the spot.

Any suggestions from the rest of you?

Pants on Fire

What do you call it when someone says something that's not true?

a LIE.

What does the law call it when someone says something that's not true?

a FALSE STATEMENT OF FACT.

I'd like to gripe about that for a moment.

Fact (noun): something that actually exists; reality; truth. something known to be true.

False: (adjective): not true; erroneous.

Hrmm. So, "false statement" and "false statement of fact" mean the same thing, right? OR HOW ABOUT A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED LIE. JUST CALL IT A LIE. Unless you think the following rhyme will catch on.

False stater of fact! False stater of fact!

Pants hijacked!

Hanging on something abstract!

Not so catchy is it! I have law school rage.

I love my life

So, I'm in my Immigration class right now, and we just read a wild and crazy case about a maniac who immigrated sneakily, got US citizenship, caused havoc and eventually got his citizenship taken away. Juicy story.

Student: "So where is this guy now?"

Professor, without pausing: "HotSaints.com."

A letter

Dear gentleman next to me on the bus this week,

I, too, appreciate the wonder of the express bus and how quickly it brings us to school each morning, and home each afternoon. I, too, enjoy how great it is for the environment, not to mention our pocketbooks. Just like you are, I am amazed at how much it resembles an airplane, with individual reading lights, chairs that recline, overhead seating compartments, etc., but I, too, rejoice in knowing that we can use our electronic devices at all times, rather than turning them off during takeoff and landing.

So I can appreciate the ease with which you feel comfortable on the bus.

However, what I canNOT appreciate is the ease with which you pick your nose when you are RIGHT next to me, before wiping it on the seat between us.

JUST BECAUSE I AM READING DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T SEE YOU.

Additionally, I do not appreciate that you, just moments later, began SNORING with your face inches from my shoulder.

That is gross.

Know why it is called "public transportation"? Because you are in public.

Sincerely,
Gurrbonzo, concerned citizen

Express Yourself With a Frozen Forehead

Just saw a commercial for Botox, yes BOTOX, that ended with the line, "It's about freedom of expression.





Because if there's one thing Botox stands for, it's freedom of expression. Freedom to look perpetually startled.

A degree in nonsense

Law school is great. Don't believe me? A short list of quotes from this weekend's homework:

1. "An open field need be neither 'open' nor a field."

2. "Evidence can only be received into evidence if it meets the rules of evidence."

3. "I fail to see how the quality or quantity of public debate will be promoted by further emasculation of state libel laws for the benefit of the news media."

(Note: emasculation means the surgical removal of the testes...I have removed the word "weener" from this post so as not to offend any of my pure readers)

Four stars, two opposable thumbs up

I haven't seen a movie that I really really really enjoyed in a while, you know, the kind that you can't shut up about and want to watch again as soon as it ends.

Until last night.

Just saw "The King of Kong" at Broadway last night and OH. DEAR. ME. Best in a long while. It's a documentary (seriously) about competitive old-school video game playing and two guys vying for the world record in...(you can't make this stuff up)....Donkey Kong. And yes it's initially just prime people-watching because this nerdtastic subculture takes itself so seriously, but by halfway through I felt seriously invested and was rooting for my favorite the whole time and husband and I have been talking about it all day...I know we're talking about Donkey Kong here, but I was ready to cry. GO SEE IT THIS INSTANT.