My feelings exactly

Overheard when I was stopped at a traffic light yesterday, with my window rolled down as two boys walked by me, on their way back to elementary school after getting some laffy taffys at the gas station:

8-year-old street urchin to 6-year-old street urchin: Yeah, school's a hassle, but if you wanna get a decent job, you gotta go.

Because yesterday I forgot my ipod and spent 2 hours with the good old-fashioned radio

Remember All I Wanna Do? Remember, it was the early-to-mid 90s, and Sheryl Crow wanted to have a good time, and she felt as though there were others who had similar feelings?
Zacharoo is famous for thinking she was talking about four friends of hers, "Til the sun comes up over Santy, Monty, Coco and Roy."

Yesterday, I accidentally left without breakfast and spent the drive enjoying a little 80s love brought to me by the radio when I caught myself singing "Two Pop Tarts" instead of Two of Hearts.

And how about that Sophie B. Hawkins? Remember her? Is it just me or at 1:14 and 1:25ish, are the background singers as asking if we like tacos?!

WTF. I'm not making it up. Give it a listen and you'll agree.

WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. HOLD THE PHONE. Finding that video led me to click on her other stellar hit, "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover." I am freaking out a bit because I'm pretty sure that instead of "damn" she says "shucks" at 1:51. Am I right??? Give a listen and tell me I'm right. Way to let us all know you're serious, Sophie. If there's one way to tell the world you mean business, it's singing "Shucks!"

Sidenote: let's start sentences with "damn" more often. It's like telling the world, "I'm dead serious, and not afraid to drop a casual swear word, but don't freak out, because I'm not angry, I'm just underscoring an important point in a way that will mildly shock you if you're BYU student and/or my grandmother."

P.S. Nope, the kid's not out yet. I am scrambling to finish some law poop and realizing that so far, every class in law school can boil down to about 3 pages...damn, I wish someone told me that sooner.

URGENT QUESTION

How do you feel about people brushing their teeth in public restrooms?

How do you feel about people making loud, back-of-throat spitty noises as they spit out their toothpaste in public restrooms?

How do you feel about people leaning down to drink directly out of the faucet in a public restroom?

Today I've seen three people brushing their teeth in various law school restrooms and I'm curious about others' feelings on the issue. Share.

whirlwind weekend

Imagine this past weekend with me.

Let's say you're 8.5 months pregnant, so attending a little shindig affectionately called "Law School Prom," aka Barrister's Ball, involves a lot of de-frumping effort, but thanks to concerned friends and family, you band together and everyone babes you up a little for the occasion. And at this fancy-pants affair, you know you're in Provo when a certain Mormon boyband begins performing. You watch several of your professors nod to the beat and mouth the lyrics.


To top things off, let's say you receive a nice award for winning a nerdy competition earlier in the school year. The presenter neglects to mention that the award you're receiving is related the competition and instead tells the life story of the woman the award is named after, saying that she lit up a room, died a young, tragic death and that rarely does anyone face such grave challenges with such grace and optimism. He talks about what a tragedy she was faced with a debilitating illness so young, then invites you forward.

Based on this, a number of your classmates think you just won the dying student award and/or that you are deeply troubled.

The next day, you go on a tour of the hospital where you are about to birth your first child. You gawk at all the pregnant women and marvel as the tour guide explains that they have ipod hookups and VIDEO GAME hookups in each room (wtf), not to mention free fountain drinks on each floor. You get rage and want to scream, "YOU KNOW I CAN'T HAVE DIET COLA AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE." Bastards.

You then attend a rockin' baby shower thrown by a dear old friend with tasty treats, tons of adorable baby stuff and of course, outstanding company, and a weird but wonderful assortment of people from different parts of your life. Woopwoop!
THEN, you attend a fundraiser for your favorite congressman, during which kind attendees share some timeless wisdom with your husband, including:

• "THESE hormone changes are only the beginning. Just wait til 'the change' when she's angry AND forgetful."
• "Girls are weird and have meltdowns. We don't have meltdowns; we get stuff done."
• "Babies are amazing. It's in you, then next thing you know it's out and it's alive. (long, awkward pause) Don't think about it too long or it gets crazy."
  

Then, Sunday at church, the teacher spends a remarkable portion of classtime on the evils of "Three's a Company."

Pure Gold

I know all I'm blogging about lately is baby...don't worry, I still do things like go to law school, watch LOST, attend Relief Society, surf the Internet, you know, the Important Things in Life. So I'm trying to stay balanced. But this post has given me the heavy duty giggles....

turns out all our kid needs is boobs. "Everything else is just marketing."

My money's on March 20something

It's the time some of us have been waiting 30+ weeks for....time to guess exactly when this kid's coming! The "technical" due date began at April 3, then moved to April 10, but I've always called bull and thought deep in my heart that it could be sooner. In our hippie-birthing class, they encouraged us to talk about "birthing months" instead of due dates because kids come out when they're ready and it looks like SOMEONE (ahem...point at my belly...) is getting ready. The latest word on the street is that this baby is measuring TWO WEEKS ahead and in the words of babydoc, "the sooner, the better." So, it's anyone's guess as to when she starts wiggling outside instead of inside.

My dear readers, feel free to guess date, time and size and I'll see if I can come up with a prize. Hey, I'm a poet, and I didn't even realize it.

Here's a shot husband's cousin's husband (think about it) took for our AWESOME baby shower last weekend, in case staring at the baby's current home (my belly) may help you make a more accurate guess. And let's be honest, the red door is pretty cool. I should've pretended this pic was taken by my friend from the library, but I don't know if anyone would've believed me.

Take your opportunities as they come

Julie Beck spoke at the law school today, and let me just say that it. rocked. my. socks. off.

I'll be honest: her talk last general conference freaked me out. I read it again as soon as the transcripts were posted online, and upon re-reading, I felt a lot better, but I still didn't really get my role (particularly as a pregnant law student) in the picture she was painting, and had a hard time with some of the examples. So, naturally, I was excited/curious about what she'd say to us, a large group of professional LDS women, attending a church-sponsored school, no less. And basically, IT WAS AWESOME. A brief rundown for anyone interested:

She began by telling us our lives had been engineered for this opportunity, saying how many women she knew would love to be where we are. She invited us to think about elements that came together to bring us to law (or business) school and what responsibility that gives us, and to remember that the Lord is investing in us and will require His payback so we should always be mindful of that, being aware of ways we can help the world.

Then, guess what she did? Opened it on up for questions! I was impressed with her willingness to speak so openly and frankly with us. She basically said, "Look, tough questions will come to me and will come to you. This setting is easiest, with lots of common ground, so ask away, and if you aren't comfortable with the answers I'm giving, keep asking, let's keep talking, and we'll teach each other." You've got to respect that openness, that willingness to just have an open dialogue with us.

One question was about how we can keep our confidence, our sense of self-worth in such a competitive world (and in such competitive fields). Her response? 2 Timothy 3:

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

She talked a lot about how those are characteristics of the competitive world around us and that's what we're commanded to turn away from...that we are to maximize our time with our families and minimize the time we spend in the world described in 2 Timothy. Basically she said, whether you work outside the home or choose to stay at home, there won't be enough of you to go around, there will always be demands on our time, and we can't delegate away the most important things, and that in all we do we should recognize what's evil and "from such turn away."

Someone asked a question about a "gap" in conference talks, that it seems like female speakers talk about their grandkids and male speakers talk about doctrine. She basically responded that her statements in conference aren't hers, and other speakers' messages aren't theirs. God uses all of them to say what He wants, and He uses her experience & understanding to get His message across, and a lot of her experiences involve her family, but that doesn't reflect a deep schism or anything.

She also said she meant The Talk from last conference to be about overriding principles...that women have always been teachers and leaders and that God still expects that of us. And that life happens when we practice our principles, and we can respond accordingly, and how we'll all be faced with hard choices but if we're living close to the Spirit, we'll want to do what's most important and we'll know what that is. She said maybe her examples in the talk weren't perfect but the point was the importance of God's plan and our vital role in it. Interestingly, she also noted that this is only an issue with North American women, because everywhere else in the world, everyone works.

Someone asked what her advice is for single women, who aren't necessarily "choosing their career over marriage" but who aren't married and don't know if they will be; what should they do? I LOVED her response: "Go for broke. Full speed ahead." As long as you don't forget the gospel, you'll be an influence for good whatever you do. Be careful of the lures of the world ("from such turn away"), but choose to take your opportunities as they come. She also said that if the Lord is guiding you and you know it, you can find a gracious response to people who ask ill-mannered questions about your priorities.

She also gave a shout-out to the stay at home mom world, saying that many bright women make that decision and it's a sacrifice worthy of praise so don't feel like you're crazy if that's what you decide to do for a while.

She referenced Doctrine & Covenants 138:38-39 about how "among the great and mighty ones who were assembled in this vast congregation" seen in vision by Joseph F. Smith was "our glorious Mother Eve, with many of her faithful daughters who had lived through the ages and worshiped the true and living God." She said that as women, we're among the great and mighty ones, we're half the plan, and the plan can't happen without us. She kept mentioning that it's not about man's work and woman's work, but about the Lord's work and how it won't go across the world without us.

Another woman asked her what is most important for us to teach our daughters, who will experience a different world than we did, which hit especially close to home for me. Her response: teach them who we are, our identity as women, the plan, God's role in that plan, OUR role in that plan and how there are some portions of that role that can't be delegated. She then talked about pioneer women and how the women who left their homes and loved ones and their china and their woven rugs didn't do it because they were "subservient" but because they knew the whole thing depended on them, and that today the work depends on us, and that we make our own decisions in faith. The whole discussion was absolutely empowering. Before the meeting, I was expecting to leave feeling conflicted or confused about what I should do in the future. Instead, I left feeling reminded that I had been guided to law school and to this point in my life, and excited about my opportunities, and also excited about options our daughter will have and I loved it.

Anyway, her candidness and openness and professionalism amazed me and her testimony rocked my socks off. My bits of concern with some previous statements have melted away and I give her two thumbs up, way up.

feline AIDS is the number one killer of domestic cats

Meet Debbie Downer.

You know, the person who manages to take every opportunity in a conversation to be an enormous downer and makes you want to pound your head into the wall. Doesn't matter what you say, or what anyone else says, a good Debbie Downer will bum everyone out by talking only miserable talk. What bright side? To Debbie, there IS no bright side. You've seen the hilarious skits about how Debbie manages to throw something somber into every conversation, talking about high divorce rates at weddings and mad cow disease at the family dinner table before a sad trombone noise comes in (waaa, waaaa) and we get an up close and personal shot of her sad face. Watch more here.

Anyway, real life Debbie Downers are the best. Interacting with them is pretty funny in general, but especially funny when you are very pregnant and you have conversations with Debbie Downers that involve the following statements (please note that all these statements have ACTUALLY BEEN MADE TO ME, by several people, over the last few weeks, and the best part is that none of these Debbies even have kids):

DD: Ugh (looking me up and down). You must be MISERABLE.
Me: You know, I'm actually still feeling great. Maybe the miserable part's still coming, but I'm not uncomfy yet. I've had a great pregnancy.
DD, with a grimace: Ugh. How are your stretch marks? And are you still pretty confident you can handle all of this?

(bwahaha! Where should I take this conversation? "Nope, forget it. I better throw in the towel. Thanks for talking me out of being 8 months pregnant. " WTF. You know, I DO have a really hard life...you know, a champion husband, a healthy body, a supportive fam, a great education, a place to live, decent insurance, etc....WHOA. Now that I think about it, no one has ever had a baby in harder circumstances. WHAT AM I THINKING???)

---
DD, with a knowing nod (even though she has no kids): Wow. That baby's gonna be EXPENSIVE. Hope you guys can afford it.
Me: (awkward laugh) Well, she'll eat for free for a while, so that'll help out.
DD: I guess it just depends on your baby. She'll probably be colicy. Hope she doesn't have tons of health problems. You just never know.

---

DD: How much longer do you have? (as though I'm about to go to jail and these are my last 30 seconds of freedom and fresh air)
Me: Well, we'll see! Another month or so. I guess she'll join us whenever she's ready.
DD, with a grimace: EVERYTHING will be different. EVERY. THING. I guess I'm just not ready to give up my whole life and identity yet. And it totally ruins your body.
Me, laughing politely: Well, I figure it's a small price to pay. Big bum vs. new member of our family, you know? I'm happy to fatten up a little to bring a new little life into the world.
DD: Yeah, I guess. I hope you took a good long look in the mirror before you got pregnant, because your body will NEVER. BE. THE. SAME. (insert sad trombone).

Me, to a fashionable Debbie Downer: Hey! Look how cute you are!
DD, touching my stomach: And look how huge you are.

CTR

Our kid loves to choose the right.

I know this because she spends 90 percent of her time cuddled up on the right side of my body. I don't mean a slight leaning; I mean that just about any time I look down, the right side of me belly is like a glorious lopsided mountain, not quite ski jump but certainly unashamed. This means that the right side of my lower back is stronger each day and soon I shall be able to lift a house, er, at least birth a baby. Whenever I lie down, I try to nudge her left to share the love a little but she sho loves that right side and in the grand tradition of her parents, doesn't like to be told what to do and stands her ground. I'm okay with CTR rings, but if this is any indication of her political leanings, WATCH OUT.

Speaking of babies, I realized something last week: moms terrify me. Friday, the sun was out (for once!) and I went on a little walk to soak it on up. I turned a corner and saw two stroller-moms walking toward me and I. TOTALLY. PANICKED. I immediately turned up a different street....only to see ANOTHER pair of stroller moms headed right for me. MAYDAY. I turned up the next street and ended up trapped in a cul-de-sac until they were gone. It was a visceral reaction and I didn't even have time to think about it; I instinctively ran the other way. Maybe because I feel like they speak a language I don't, or have interests I don't, or will try to talk to me about things I don't understand. Ones I actually know are great. But as strange as it sounds, seeing multiple pairs of stroller-moms walking toward me totally overwhelmed me! Am I in for a treat or what?

But back to politics and our CTR baby...any predictions for today??? Will Hillary's campaign come back from the dead? Will Obama squish her like a bug in both Ohio and Texas? Will they go halfsies? Look into your crystal ball and tell the Internet what you see...

AND THE WINNER IS...

Thank you to all who entered GEC! I laughed, I cried, I barfed* reading the entries and salute you for your efforts. I ended up liking so many of them so much that I relied on the List Randomizer to choose...and thanks to randomizer, the winner is...

JENNIFER W.!!

The winning entry:

While there is no real insurance against becoming that "shut-in who knits sockettes for her pets," skipping RS meetings is not the fast track to the mustard-stained sheet wardrobe. In the case of RS, I am a textualist. When they say the word "auxiliary," I accept that in all its unfettered, guilt-free glory. RS is additional, supplementary, reserve, used as a substitute in case of need, giving support; serving as an aid; helpful. Does not translate as a commandment to me. Just a free gift for me that I can chose to partake as I need. So when the bishop catches you moving your sorry behind a bit too slowly out the doors to the parking lot after Sunday School and asks, "Sister Gurrbonzo, why aren't you on your way to Relief Society?" You get to keep on walking and yell back over your shoulder, "Bishop, thanks for asking but I don't need RS today." (emphasis on "I").

Congratulations, Sister Jennifer! We will talk shortly about t-shirt size, detailed life plan, etc.

Honorable mentions go to Charlott and Erin G., also chosen by the list randomizer, who will each receive a copy of my Lame Hits, Workout Favorites, Cadbury eggs and the opportunity to suggest a name for our child. Their entries:

Charlott:
Ode to: "for keeps"
This little tad bit of a love made me think of the feeling you get when you call into a local radio station and dedicate your most cherished song to the one you love! And then, you call them and tell them to turn on the radio. You know? It's like that kind of love...the kind that makes you happy because someone as cool as gurr isn't afraid to say something totally cute to her rockstar hub. Way better than a song dedication.Second, "Sometimes, church is boring..." made me just laugh really hard because for some reason I picture what that old woman did as something my own mama would do...and perhaps my Mr. Hyde side when I am in my late 60's. Thanks for reminding me that even if you are a normal young person, there is no gauge to sanity/insanity when you get old.

Erin G. submitted a video of her and her 9-month-old son reading this blog together, something she especially cherishes as a working mother, with her saying things like, "Oh I know! Can you believe what that phlebotomist said to her?" and him clapping his hands and laughing.

Congrats to our GEC winners!!! If you didn't win, don't despair. You can still receive expert advice at this site free of charge.

*not entirely true