things they shout, and so on

Last weekend at a crowded restaurant, a group of tough-looking bikers walked in.

Annnnnnd of course, our three-year-old jumped up on her chair, pointed excitedly, and shouted "PIRATES!"

Whenever the doorbell rings, our one-year-old shouts "FRIENDS!" and scurries to the door with a truly startling amount of enthusiasm.  There is nothing sweeter.

I turned 29 a few weeks ago and it was awesome, primarily because it involved a date and a nap and three days straight of my kid shouting "MOM!  IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!" right in my face, our noses touching.  It was fantastic.  Also, everything I hold most dear happened to me in my twenties, so based on that empirical evidence, I have a sneaky feeling this last year of twentydom will be rrrrrrreal, rrrrreal good (roll those r's like arrrrriba).

Recently, our three-year-old beheld the Nauvoo Temple (which she sometimes mixes up with the state capitol, considering both are large and "fancy"), and she was furious that she didn't get to go inside.  I told her if she wants to, she can go when she's twelve.  Annnnnnd that was definitely met with a backwards flail and a desperate shriek of "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A DIFFERENT NUMBER???"  Why, indeed, child.  Why, indeed.

In other news, I have been working way way way way way too much.  You know how that can throw your life off balance?  Yeah, me too.  I like a fast-paced life but I suspect that the last month or so has been a tad out control. I suspect this because I've done things like, um, sleeping for 14 hours when given the chance (what?  6 PM to 8 AM isn't normal?), and also breaking down in tears in Super Target for no apparent reason.  What I prefer are those days where we just do what we want all day, and I don't get twitchy-eye.  Bring those back!  BRING THOSE BACK!  

Speaking of which, as snickettastic as I realize this sounds, there is a big fat difference between Target and Super Target, and as much as I love our interesting little corner of the Midwest, I sure wish we had a Super Target closer.  Annnnnnd I consider the fact that a within-driving-distance Costco is in the works as proof of divine existence. 

Confession: sometimes hipsters give me hives.

I hate to brag but I am an excellent mimic.  Excellent enough, in fact, that husband and I have taken to playing a game that consists of him asking me a question and me answering it as various people we know. Do we know a lot of the same people?  Then let's play it sometime soon!

Monday was Canadian Thanksgiving and therefore I (as a Canadian) celebrated by making fakeout Cafe Rio in the crockpot, and it was actually pretty good.  (That doesn't make sense, you say?  Fake rio for Canadian Thanksgiving?  Shhhhhhh.  Don't overthink it.  We are open-minded in the true north strong and free.  Just go with it.)  Thanks, Our Best Bites, for making it possible, and also delicious. 

just to spice things up

Join me in a round of make believe. Drumrollllllll....

If I ever became bishop, the first three things I'd do would be:

(1) call a female Sunday School president.
(2) call a male Primary President.
(3) in addition to (not in place of) regular classes, create a Choose Your Own Adventure Sunday School class where every week you sit in a circle and talk about whatever you want.

Your turn.

this is getting ridiculous

What kind of goober blogs like thrice a year?  Sorry, Internets.  I do what I can and sometimes that isn't blogging, y'know?  We've been busy adventuring, and by adventuring, I mean:

• making the annual journey west that pretty much every Mormon anywhere else does. 

• On said trip, hanging out with piles of friends and fam.  Lunch dates with old friends and new friends!  Weddings!  Races!  Emergency root canals!  Napless children on rampages!  I'll leave the sordid details out but in sum, it was delightful but a whirlwind and one of those vacations you need a vacation from at the end.  Especially when at the end, you find out your flight is way delayed and spontaneously decide to drive home instead! My sweet mother came home with me to watch our kids while I went to a youth camp for teen girls.  Turns out she was one of a dozen grandmas who came from Utah that week to be on babysitting duty for camp...maybe we should fit it into the church budget? Just an idea.

• Speaking of camp, it was in Boone, Iowa.  At first I thought that was a slang way of saying it was super far away, as in, "Oh, yeah, it's all the way out in boon!" but it turns out Boone is an actual place.  I know this because I spent four days and three nights there and we're all still recovering.  BAHAHA!  It was such a great time and by great I mean hot and humid and fun and funny.  I haven't been to Girls Camp since I was a teenager  myself and if you're wondering if IT has changed at all, the answer is no.  If you're wondering if I'VE changed at all, the answer is yes.  But I still went down the waterslide 17 times due to my awesomeness.  Also, I'm still trying to decide if I slept better on the wet ground than I do at home with small children waking up all the time.  Would you rather be INTERRUPTED but COMFORTABLE, or UNINTERRUPTED but UNCOMFORTABLE?  These are the questions that try (wo)men's souls.

• Being so friendly I freak myself out.

Also, I forgot to tell you that I got a newfangled phone that can do things like connect to the Internet.  I realize I'm like half a decade behind on this, but it's pretty handy.  Greater love hath no man than this, that he transfereth his phone upgrade to his wife.

Annnnnd that's the latest here.  How about you?

four funnies

Ready, set, GO!

• First, this is the best, best, best homemade playdough in the universe and I have been enjoying it for ages and shan't keep it from you any longer.  The texture!  The ease of both creation and clean up!  Take a little pot and warm up half a cup of salt and 1 cup of water on the stove (just on low is fine).  Add in a tablespoon of vegetable oil, a tablespoon of cream of tarter, and whatever food coloring you want.  Stir it for like 20 seconds, just til it's mixed up and warm, then stir in a cup or two of flour, smoosh it up, and as soon as it cools down, behold the joy of your child(ren).

• Second, are you watching America's Next Great Restaurant?  We are and I'm loving it. The behind-the-scenes (design a logo!  figure out a menu!  pick your furniture!  present your brains out!) reminds me of how much I would LOVE to run a restaurant one day.  Is this one of those things everyone wants to do?  I don't mean be a big deal chef.  I mean, own a delicious sammich place like Palmers Deli.  I think this interest stems from how much fun I had being the drive thru chick at a certain taco place in the 90s and later waiting tables; there's a unique rush that comes from a busy restaurant.  Also, I like being in charge of things, and shouting, and that's what restaurant owners do, right?  Combining that rush with my natural bossy streak sounds ideal.  Soooo, add this to the long list of things I want to do that I start thinking about because of reality television.  The next time I have a hundred thousand dollars laying around, I'm totally doing it.  (Starting a restaurant, not going on reality tv.)  Maybe you can be my chef!  Or advisor!  Or shift manager!  Whatever you want. 

• Third, I think congratulations-fatigue is a real phenomenon.  If you're having a kid, that is a big deal, but you don't get five hundred separate congratulations.  I think law school congratulations should max out earlier too.  Instead, we beg for perpetual congrats.  "I can't believe I'm PREGNANT!"  "CAN YOU BELIEVE I'M 8 WEEKS!"  "Its.....a.....GUESS THE GENDER!" "IT'S MY BABY SHOWER!" "LOOK AT MEEE!  HALFWAY!!!  "I FINISHED MY BIRTHING CLASS!"  "GOING INTO LABOR!" "FULLY DILATED!"  "BABY EMERGING!"  "BABY'S HERE!"  WE FINALLY PICKED A NAME!"  "WE BLESSED OUR BABY!"  Reproduction is great, but one big "Way to go!" is enough of a congratulations for one thing.  Agree or disagree?  Similarly, I think us lawyers need to relax.  We want congratulations for getting in, congratulations for starting, congratulations for finishing finals, congratulations on grades, congratulations on being halfway through, congratulations on finishing, congratulations on ACTUAL graduation, congrats on studying for the bar, congrats on taking the bar, and then congrats on passing the bar, and nine hundred thousand mini-milestones in between.  THAT IS FAR TOO MANY TIMES TO EXPECT CONGRATULATIONS.  The only people who still care are your spouse and maybe your mom but trust me, even they have their limits.  Do other fields do that too?  YIKES.  I propose that we cap social congratulations at one.  As in, you get one large and hearty pat on the back per thing.  You graduated?  CONGRATULATIONS.  You have now reached your congratulatory quota.  You reproduced?  CONGRATULATIONS.  You have now reached your congratulatory quota.  Who's with me?

• Finally, I'm NOT a runner but I ran a 10K for the first time this past weekend.  (No congratulations needed, although if you choose to give me one, you don't have to again for anything running related, because, ONE CONGRATULATIONS PER THING.)  Who knew it was possible for me??  It was surprisingly fun, and it's making me wonder what else I've always considered "not my thing" so never tried, but if I tried, maybe I'd like it.  Got any suggestions?

random ranting

Can we talk about awful slogans for a sec?

MidAmerican Energy:  "Obsessively, relentlessly, at your service."

Does OBSESSIVELY not imply ABNORMAL?  Is this really what my electricity company should be going for?? An energy guy could be lurking around every corner.  "Can I help you now?  How about now?  NOW?  Need help??  ((nervous twitchy smile)) BUT I WANT TO HELP YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.  I NEEEEED TO HELP YOU. I need.  I need.  I need."

Terr-i-fying.

Similarly,  let's talk about HyVee (a Midwest grocery store).  Oh, HyVee.  I love HyVee and go there all too often.  But the slogan?  YIKES.


"A helpful smile in every aisle." 

EVERY aisle?  Are you kidding me?  SOMEONE IN AN APRON GRINNING MANIACALLY ON EVERY AISLE?  I, for one, like to grocery shop in peace.  Is that not the premise of a fantastically creepy horror movie?  Could we not go for every other aisle?  A helpful smile on several aisles?  Also weird is that their employees totally look like missionaries...white shirts, ties, black nametags.

And finally, remember when Minute Maid had all that "Put good in, get good out" stuff?  GROSS.

these three things (of orient are...)

Once I took one of those intensive summer classes, the kind that is 3 hours every day for 6 weeks.  A great way to knock out language credit AND a great solution for natural procrastinators--the semester is so short you don't have TIME to get behind!  So I had that class every morning from 9-12, and I worked every afternoon at this awful debt consolidation place ("Our philosophy is in our name..." anybody?  anybody?) from 1-6, and I had an internship on a local congressional campaign from 6-9.  Every day.  And it was crazy, but also PERFECT, because I was doing three totally different things with three totally different crowds using three totally different parts of my brain.  And it was then I realized the magic of These Three Things.

To feel awesome I need at least three distinct things going on.  Just one and it takes over your life; just two and they fight with each other for dominance.  Three is the magic number for me.

(Do you remember the old, old video from junior high health class with the catchy tune: "The health of man!  Is like an!  Equilateral triiiiiii-ANGLE!  Completely dependent on the length and strength of each siiiiiiide!").  This is my equilateral triangle of feeling normal!

Anyway, what I'm saying here is that I am inching closer to finding that magic balance again and am loving it.  Since I have tiny kids in a time-intensive stage of life, my family is obviously one of my things.  And my newish job is another one of those things, and my assignment at church is another.  Between the three of those things I feel like I have major time commitments through which I consistently deal with different crowds (the 2-and-under crowd, the college student crowd, the teen girl crowd) and use different parts of my brain (the mom part, the lawyer part, the churchy/mentor part). 

So the three things CHANGE pretty consistently but if I have more than three big things or fewer than three big things I go nuts or battle mental/emotional atrophy.  Whaddayathink?

gross and great

Stuff that is gross:

• I have the weird (and dumb) habit of putting open soda cans in the fridge.  I drink part of one, and it's delicious, and I want to drink it later, but cold.  So, sometimes I do things like spill them.  Other times, like today, I do things like...take a giant swig out of them and then realize they've been sitting next to the minced garlic for a few days.  Don't recommend it.
• I am taking a sample GRE so I can teach an upcoming class (random, I know) and it means that I am studying math for the first time since (literally) the 1990s.  Bahaha!  Remember FOIL?  Pythagorean theorem?  I am digging deep into the recesses of my brain and clearing COBWEBS out and it is hilarious.
• Did I tell you I'm doing this boot camp thing, every damn morning?  Well, I am.  And it is making me buff.  But it also means that I spend about 90 percent of every day terrifyingly sore, and it also means I get up at the buttcrack of dawn, and despite my best efforts, I cannot seem to stop saying "buttcrack of dawn."

Stuff that is great:

• I watched the series, yes, SERIES finale of Friday Night Lights recently and I don't get this way about many TV shows but, wow.  Dare I say best show ever?  I am really going to miss Dillon, Texas.  RIP, FNL, RIP.  
• I weaned my cute baby recently, and though I love her and breastfeeding, this is the first time I've been neither pregnant nor breastfeeding since...wait for it....June 2007.  And it rocks.
• We went to Wisconsin Dells last weekend, or as our kiddo calls it, "Consindells."  Want to know why?  Because it's the middle of February in the Midwest, aka, everyone goes batshit crazy unless you spice up your life somehow.  And you know, sometimes a mini-road trip is all you got.  So we hit the road and were AMAZED at the monstrosity of the incredible/tacky/amazing indoor wonder that is the "Waterpark Capital of the World."  Have you been on a super big, super scary waterslide in the last decade or two?  Because trust me, it's time.
• I helped teach a little preschool class of 2 and 3-year-olds the same day I helped coach this running thing for 9- and 10-year-old girls.  Guess what?  Dealing with groups of kids in those age brackets?  NOT.  THAT.  DIFFERENT.  

Annnnnd, that'll do.

selfish insight of the day

I just realized that how much I like someone is pretty much always directly correlated to how much they like me. 

Is this true for you?

in reality I'm somewhere in between

Things that make me sound meaner/grumpier than I am:

• I am pro-pregnancy and pro-reproduction, but there are few things I dislike more than bare belly pregnancy shots, especially at like 6-12 weeks when it's an excuse to flash your nasty snicket midriff.  BLECH! Okay, okay, we get it, we get it.  You're slender and buff and vain.  What do you want, a trophy? 

• I am pro-gratitude but sometimes, thank you notes can add distance and in certain situations they are weirder than they are nice.  Agree or disagree?  Example: I don't have a sister, but if I did, I wouldn't send her thank you notes for basic things, because that would be treating her like my great-aunt instead of my sister.  Once in a while, for something special?  YES!  But when you're good, good friends and/or closely related, most of the time you're kind of past thank you notes.  Certainly, there are occasions that call for a thank you note here and there, but in general, if we are close, I just assume we are grateful to/for one another, period.  Ubiquitous thank you notes add a layer of awkward formality, and it also makes me think about all the times they probably think they should have received a thank-you note from me and didn't.  COME ON.  If you are reasonably close to someone, they love what you got them and can just TELL you they appreciate it, note = redundant, mmmkay? (I am pro-thank-you notes in most situations, but regular ones involving dear, dear friends or relatives are always startling.)

• There are some notable exceptions but generally speaking, owning an ipad makes you 35 times more likely to be intolerable.

Things that make me sound nicer than I am:

• Remember how I just learned to sew?  I made our sister missionaries rice bags!  I couldn't help it!

• I love my new-ish job and feel a startling and somewhat absurd amount of pride when things "click" for students and it melts my ice-cold heart.

• I can't help but leave babysitters little treats because my 13-year-old self loved that.

bulletin board voodoo

The other day I found our two-year-old perched on a chair, leaning on our bulletin board and poking holes veeerrrry carefully in a few Christmas cards that are still up.  What?

She quickly explained, "I'm just making it so they can seeeee!"

Sure enough, there are holes right in the eyeballs of a number of you.

So if you're coming over any time soon, our creepy-looking level is at an all-time high.

the truth is

...last year I rocked my two goals.  Do you remember what they were?  I do!

(1) Give birth
(2) use only reusable grocery bags.

First one?  Check! I have an adorable 11.5 month old kid and a supersized bum to prove it.  Second one?  Semi-check!  Meaning, I brought and used reusable bags more than I didn't, which I consider not bad at all.  Basically, high five, self!

Want to hear my latest goals?  Oh, good!  There are two.

(1) Don't buy anything until March 1 (besides food and toiletries).  GAA!  Can I do it?  Well, of course I can.  And I'm hardly a shopaholic.  But like most people, I just buy too much stuff for no reason. You know what?  I have more than I need, end of story.  And the time and energy that goes into the accumulation of STUFF is starting to gross me out.  Is that hippie enough for you??  Booyah!  But seriously, it is sort of freeing to just stop buying stuff, because it's like I stop seeing stuff or even entertaining the idea of buying stuff.  (Let's see if I feel the same way in a few more weeks.)  But this means I have more time and energy which I can devote to....

drumroll....

(2) Being generally more awesome.  I should probably be more specific, right?  Well, I don't really know what I mean, exactly.  I'm just trying to do things like make my own fun.  What bums me out?  Do less of that!  What makes me feel great and less self-absorbed and like a cool chica?  Do more of that!  In sum, my 2011 task is to be more proactive about doing things that help me like my life and myself.  I don't know if there is a less Steve Covey word than "proactive" but hey.